PGL ...flaws

At last...manage to online again. after two days without the net..world is so less fun. I'm still in the mood of PGL...of course..still replaying and rewinding the fabulous scenes. thinking about it makes me wanna laugh to die. and of course I hate the ultimatume scenes between tiara and Hang tuah...eyyy that's gross. She's married right..Poor the husband, his wife free to be touched and hugged in the public by stranger.( how can he react like it was normal?)Should I say more about the theater, maybe I should have not...lots of them already post it instantly and tallied the night precisely. So, let it be. Me..bought the CD...(yea!!!) Rm 30 worth and i love all the 21 songs included Dewa perang, tujuh Syarat, Melaka terbilang... I have to say it again, and again and again until you feel sick to listen to me,the performance was fabulous, incredible, hillarious, and outstanding ever. No wonder the tickets are pricey and hard to get. (I'm lucky)...you're tooo..

But there's one thing that fouled my PGL enthusiasm that night. I felt gross, and sick of it...hate to look into her. Well, indeed we know, the night was special, artists were there, VIP and so on.. We want to dress up to look fabulous and not excluded me too. But think of this, why must we let the others know every things do we have not to keep it safely from those eyes.

KNAPA PERLU BUKA AURAT UNTUK JADI CANTIK?
KNAPA PERLU BUKA TUDUNG UNTUK JADI MENARIK?
BANGGAKAH ANDA PERTONTONKAN MAHKOTA DIRI?
APA NILAI TUDUNG DALAM HATI?
SEKADAR ADAT ATAU PELENGKAP AURAT?

huh...it such a relief for me..honestly,, I'm so sad when her friends let this thing happen. never cross into my mind she'll do it like this...as I believe, how naughty or misbehave she is, she won't let off her veil.. It sadden me...she let me down. hey, not only me was shocked to death, the others also whispering and gossiping about that not to included tose who bombarded me with such stupid Q's? (why's she like this? like I know everything!)

Why am I so concern about this? you might say..'hey girl, it's her life..her own business..why bother?' Of course I bother..she's a muslim and I'm a muslim. We need to care about each other. Caring is not only asking 'dah makan ke belum, sihat?' ( takut pulak nak tanya dah solat ke belum, kononnya sensitif isu..). It's more than that, advising them to do good and to be good to lead into welness and blissful in life. Do you want me to sit here doing nothing and praise of her oscar-winner-dress on that night? it is okay if she's coming from no where school but she's the islamic school product.. Don't you just get it.!!! She had learned the most about Islam and has strong root of understanding.. imagine, 5 years there learning the islam and practice the islamic way...

Maybe those who learned in the religious school, is just not belong to be there...they 're accidentally to be there...becomes the flaws we don't want them to be... I've seen a lot, not just her...I'm talking to those who set the same feet as mine...a lot more outside ( in my faculty of course) it sickened me even more to know this rotten bad egg ( i might sound cold and evil, but have to be vocal, let them know..like I care!)is giving the wrong bad perception towards islamic students in school..please, since we are holding this title of islamic ex-students people would look high with the expectation. Don't give the bad image of islam...if you want to be bad or the wrong guy, I don't even care or bother but... just at least respect and bother the school images.

Is being in the school is just for the sake of parent or no other optional choice? The iman inside is not measured and based on the school, of course it is not. But one nurturing the Iman based on the teaching and islamic environment there...i wonder if they pick up all the certificates at the school, and missed the iman at school gate..Iman is just at school, not in the inner soul.

Sometimes, those who are not from islamic school is far more religious and understand about Islam..'they' on the other side, act like they have zero knowledge about it. I don't know myself if I were able to stand up strong looking into those people totally and constantly change from good, into bad and become the worst...

Am I going to tell her..she's know the most what she did was wrong, I have no power to force her ...but advice her in the hikmah...I pray she'll be the one she used to be again.. happy to see her in good mslim again
Our world..Our people...Our muslim....we 're now only get even more closer to the Qiyamah...

Kimbap...Kimbap..

As what i had promised yesterday, I'll deliver all of you the recipe and details of my project. "making Kimbap"..he..he.. try it on and...happy eating again

~ingredients above...details are as below~

Procedure

1. Prepare all the ingredients needed; cucumber, carrot, spinach, crab sticks, fried eggs, cooked rice, sesame oil, salt, rice vinegar, sea laver sheet @ seaweed, tuna and black pepper. Also need a bamboo mat.

2. Whip eggs well with salt and black pepper. Fry on a skillet thick. Take it out, and cut into long strips.

3. Cut carrot and cucumber into thin strips. Soak cucumber in salt and vinegar water.

4. Add rice seasoning in rice and mix. Leave it in room temperature until warm.
5. Place a sheet of sea laver over a bamboo mat. Spread rice (thinly, but covering well). Place strips (carrot, cucumber, egg, yellow pickled radish.) in the middle of the spread rice, and place other things within 1/3 of the length of sea laver.

6. Roll sea laver with the mat firmly. If sea laver edge is not sticking on the surface, apply water lightly at the edge of sea laver with finger.

7. With a sharp knife, cut roll into1 inch or 1 and 1/2 inch thick kimbap pieces. Ready to serve on table.

~nonsense picture in my blog~

# just get all the stuff in all tesco outlets..it's easy..what do you need is money. No money, no talk.

# I made the kimbap extra 15 pieces okay..how come not everybody didn't got a chance to eat that? haish... even me too, missed it. Waaa...

# All of you are such hunger yesterday right...so happy to see your happy face while eating that. I'm soo delighted to make in some other time.. maybe sensible to have that at our farewell party... who's knows..leave comment then..

~rolling the kimbap~

~done.Delicious ...yummy... marvelous~

throw out of hell into heaven

"Sometimes we needs a drop of hellfire to feel warmer".Have you ever heard this said ? Let's called it my exaggeration when I was in Tec.5 and M212. he..he.. only when we set into the classes people would suddenly felt like in Antartic.. And the things that sounds so wrong for me is, if we were chilled to death, why don't they just hike the air cond's temperature? Isn't it stupid to turn the air cond to its lowest temperature while at the mean time, we rolled the thick jacket and cardigan tightly and try to shrink the body as got a look like retarded? Human nowaday....wasting money, contributing to global warming, self-torture, just want to be proud to say loud that they got the coolest air cond on earth...



Better inform the technician about this...like they'll know what did I nag in my blog. haih........

**************************************

Here is another story...

let's say that God knows and listen sclosely to my heart. And I'm soo sure to say that it's like I'm prohibited to boast on others or say bad things to people, or trying to turn myself from a good girl gone bad as in a one click, HE will twist my fate around and let me down to the lowest part on earth. Yeah, i'd told someone about this.. that's why one of the reason why I don't do bad things to people even sometimes I feel the evilness inside..I rather do nothing as what goes around come around.

And the evidence is a story I'm going to tally below;

Few days ago, as I had trash talking with a friend of mine,gossip a litle bit somehow and then jumped to talk on academic stuff, assignment, work, PGL and so on. I told her that the due date of the assignment of principle Edu. is not so far from now and we better setle it down in ASAP. I asked her if she had done it. I not even started yet honey, she said. "owh, I'm doing it right now and it's 10% to go to finish everyhting.I replied. She looked impressed to see that I'm finishing the line.. I was happy, as I tought i had done a good remarkable job..(sounds so wrong). But, as I said before..God Just read my mind, HE knows everything.. And as continuation of this story, last night.. there was no rain..he.he..redundant.

Okey, okey..last night while reading a book lended from one good friend, my roommate asked me if I can let her borrow my pendrive..precious cute pendrive. So, without hesitating or any doubt.. I gave her ( not easy for me to let others have my pendrive, just the selected buddies are allowed to take it). Then,she straight forward back to her room and did her work. The time showed it was 1 am and I still awake. it was on my table then when I glanced over it this morning. Okay, you're welcome, I said.

In the intec library, as I want to finish the assingment, I took the pendrive, scan it first and ...WOW ..90 viruses was detected in the USB..What a heck!! what did I do then, clean all the virus and open the folder. I browse the file I wanted-the assingment and...OMG...where's the assingment?? it's missing..it's gone...none of the basic. Edu folder was there...I paused..I think, and stare at my laptop.... and think again, stare at the blank screen. Then, something crossed in my mind...virus...it deleted every infectious file. Ohw nooo... Hmm, hang on, Now., I remember! I got Back up in another USB.he..he..happy again.. Hmmm, You think it's end of story? aha, think again.. I lost the pendrive a day before yesterday, to be exact. It's a fate and sound so pity.

Can you imagine, writing the very single pages and it just a few steps to the end? I felt soo bad at the time.. I knew, I was cursed..of misbehave myself..He took it from me..boastful girl..it served you right. Luckily, a friend of mine was beside, I told him what did I went wrong.. so sad, it just listen.. and listen..I told it I'm tired of this as it ( not refer to my it)chasing me all the time..this is not the first time I came with this situation. Loads of time..HE takes it from me in no time whenever I do something bad or become bad.. I shouldn't say this, I know but just telling what do I feel. And I deserved it..

As we chat, I browsed again in my lap top and playing around with the mouse. To my astonishment, I was shocked to find out that there a file in my recent folder. OMG! It's there.. I found it..the precious and the only file I had. I was nearly burst to cry, it saw me and it too, was surprised. Thanks god, I kept saying that,.. it's blissful and miracle as I haven't save the file in my lap top. Yeah, I'm soo sure about that. HE listen to my heart, I'm so thankful to HIM..

~really felt like throw out of hell into heaven~

p/s: I never born to be an evil bad girl, I'm soo protected.

Flaws

If you don’t mind can you tell me all your hopes and fears
And everything that you believe in
Would you want make a difference in the world?
I love for you if you take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me
Deeper conversation
With me..

~Yuna~

And now I’m learning you
I got my doubt for you
Sometimes..
Only my mind can speak and talk
Everything I plan wanted to tell you
Then it was nothing
In the real as I froze like fool

*************************

The unstable motion just now is not what I’m planning today. Just at the end of the day, the cheering happy soul became mute.. The old sickness came back, again.. How hard for me to fight it, lost one more time.. hot fat tears rolling down with effortless. It’s nothing to do with others..Hmm, maybe with a human being solely..perhaps. Who’s knows? It all happened at the bus stop, of course after the MEdSi Talk at ‘Angsana Hell’ (pajid named it) without anyone realizing it but Fikah. She asked if I’m ok, yes.. I’m so okay if you ask no question at this moment, I said. It’s better then if you were there two by two coz to let off the burning pain inside is satisfying though. I thought many weren’t notice the sour on my face, can’t help it. Guys, thanks for asking me if I’m okay, understand me and concern me. With a simple short sentence, it’s more than enough to console me. Appreciated…

*relief*

I'm humiliating myself..in front of them. What else do expect from me then. You had saw the worst part of me.

Then, expect the unexpected from me from now on... I did'nt plan it at all, to be frankly. it just spontanous and naturally, can't help it. But still, that's shameful for me I think.

Relief, the drama class is over..I'm done what suppose to be done today, in such way..huhu.

But now it saddenme coz for the first time ever, I tallied my past life sincerely in front of members in the class. It's hurts when you tear up the wrappen sealed box after years of leaving it untouch. Life is just like that...

TAG, TAGGED, TAGGING, IT'S ONGOING NOW

I'm tagged..!!!and tagging them back.. what shall I say, I'm dummy in this game, dunno to feel excited or not..but thanks pajid, introducing such playful game to me..hahha...love you more (uweks..)
Here goes the questionnaire....a long never-ended list I've created

pertama. What is the relationship of you and him/her?
Pajid- it just someone who me luv as girlfriend..haha. Ey, one of my gud buddies..what else should I say

kedua. Your impressions towards him/her.
Pajid- Hmm, shall I mention it?? She’s kind of four-seasoned mood girl; happy, depressed, blank, over excited. Sometimes she blend it all together..huhu.. she got brain you know, learn new things from her (she never realized I do, but watch me..I’m a secret learner)..she’s stand on her own, in her cave but sneak out into the other world as usual ..got it? Be patience to please her in hard times..that’s matter the most

ketiga. The most memorable things he/she had done for you.
Pajid- None… ey that’s evil..hmm there’s something, being a friend and neighbour..

Keempat mmg xde eh??
5. If he/she become your lover, you will..
Pajid- What a heck!! That scandalously impossible. I shall kill myself before her

6. If he/she become your enemy, you will...
Pajid- In what ways are we then? Be nice, she’ll love me. Owh, if that is not accepted, OUT OF MY LIFE!!

7. If he/she become your lover, he/she has to improve on his/her
Pajid- are you blind? Illiterate? No..no..and .no.. just be a good girl..and behave herself, that’s all. I’ll tell everyone so

8. If he/she become your enemy, the reason is...
Pajid- I love this part, maybe coz she betrayed me as friend, stab back..and –that’s all. Melancholic…

9. The most desirable thing to do on him/her is
Pajid- cut of her hair like a mad..ha..ha..Im just evil at this

10. The overall impression of him/her is...
Pajid- well, she’s a normal homo sapien, searching undefined destiny(do her?) I’m telepathic..so what

11. How do you think the people around you will feel about you?
Hmm, lady-like plain girl who stand for what she believe.. less social life she even care less if others aren’t same like her. I don’t bother much on this but sometimes I shall ask them so I’ll be a better good girl then.

12. The character of you for yourself is?
I’m two sided characters with male and female.. don’t act like the same…shy ( certain occasions I don’t), silent knowledge seeker, not that crazy girl.. focus on life, serious-happy-go-lucky-..bla..bla..bla..

13. On contrary, the character you hate of yourself is?
Jealousy, belittle others just by a look ( the worst part I’ve fight since a long time before), loyalty..too academic sometimes,

14. The most ideal person that you wanna be is?
A good, dependent girl, successful girl, following models in prophet Muhammad legacy..a muslimah for the ummah.. who’ll stand for islam then if not us?

15. For the people who likes you, say something to them
Whooa,, sweet..sweet..I hate peoples hate me, so thanks for liking me.ha..ha..have no present la..al-fatihah je ek..huhu

16. 8 people to tag:
Oh my, owh really? I shall kill you!! Too much lol. Haish..
Muhyi
Sai
Harris
Aishah-anjelik
Syah
Boy thundercat
Anonymous- me myself dunno who’s this
Tunku abdul rahman- he died..can’t help

17. who is no. 2 having a relationship with?
Hmm, he’s officially a single bachelor… no girl currently

18. Is no. 3 a male or a female?
Male of course.. wanna check it? Sure!
Listen to his voice

19. If no. 7 and no. 8 were together, would it be a good thing?
as the no.5 is rest in peace (RIP), how on earth for me to predict that.

20. How about no. 5 and 6?
owh, they’re like the twin brother.. fighting and teasing every single day.. just a gud friend

21. What is no. 1 studying about?
TESL maybe..dunno if there any additional courses

22. Is no. 4 single?
Currently yes…but she’s still browsing somewhere for a guy.ahaks..


23. Say something about no. 2.
Your morbidity is contagious. Affecting my mind hehe..soo true. He’s a literate… very gud/evil buddy..tell me more about new stuff, love to hear something new..

Consoling you and myself

WHY IS HE TESTING ME? IT SHOULD BE THEM..

"Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, " we believe you" and that they will not be tested?." (Al-Ankabut 2-3)

" We did tests before them, and Allah will certainly know those who are true from those who are false" (Al- Ankabut 3-4)

WHY THINGS I BADLY WANT JUST FADE AWAY BEFORE ME ? THE WORLD IS JUST EVIL...

"Fighting is prescribed for you. But it is possible that you dislike a thing which is good for you, and that you love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah Knows.. and you know not"
(Al-Baqarah 216)

WHY HE GIVE ME SUCH DIFFICULTIES, HARD AND HARSH LIFE?

"Oh no soul does Allah place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ills that it earns....." (Al-Baqarah 286)

FRUSTRATED, HATRED? WE SOMETIMES CAN'T HELP IT...( me too, couple days ago)

"So lost not heart, nor fall into despair: for you must gain mastery if you're true in faith."
(Al-Imran 139)

HOW AND WHAT SHOULD I DO NEXT TO CONFRONT IT?

"O, you who believe! Persevere in patience and constancy: vie in such perseverance; strengthen each other and fear Allah, that you might prosper." (Al-Imran 200)

"Nay, seek Allah's help with patience and perseverance and prayer: it is indeed hard, except those who bring lowly spirit" (Al-Baqarah 45)

WHAT'S THE REWARD AFTER ALL THIS? IS HE GOING TO PROMISE ME SOMETHING?

"Allah has purchased of the Believers their persons and their goods: for theirs (in return) is the paradise... .. (At-Taubah 111)


WHO SHOULD I LEAN OVER TO? WHO'S GOING TO LISTEN ME?

"But if they turn away, say " Allah suffices me: there is no god but He: on Him is must my trust- He lord of the throne (of glory) Supreme" (At-Taubah 129 )

" I JUST CAN'T WAIT AND HOLD ANY LONGER!!!!! ENOUGH "

... ..When troubles touches a man, he cries unto Us lying down on his side, or sitting or standing. But when We solved on as if he had never cried to Us for a trouble that touched him Thus do the needs of transgressors seem fair in their eyes! ."
(Surah Yusuf 12)

* just when I felt so wrong and the fault in everything...it's not that bad, .
when i was hurt and in a hard time, occasionally i'll flip over the surah to find the word of wisdom to rejuvenate back.. and crying..sobbing... it's great man..

Not because of my background edu. before (a lil bit somehow) and even I don't have it at all, still the holy book is the one I seek ..it's a weapon for me...it listens to me... and talks to me back.. .

Apart of bundle of motivational books in MPH or whatsoever bookstore, Quran also is the greatest motivational book, a best seller for hundreds time (all muslim must have one, do the math), so when do we'll ever want to read it thoroughly. You'll hold the answer
** craving for more?? get the quran!!read the translation by yourself.

Put on the face.........

For the past few days ago it's hard for me to fall asleep, lots of things buzzing in my mind. Lots need to be settled but I'm not on up on even a single thing which I should do. Improper, disorganized...and empty. Rain was pouring outside..last evening, but I'm crying inside... the sky is blue today but my face is gray..dunno what cause me to such dismay..

I tallied this life and notice the score... and it's feels like HE can't love me no more.. I know at the moment of it, why am so sure? I can tell. This girl is suffocating, the word 'peace' is so not there anymore.. it's messy inside, and I badly crave for serenity to come in again. haih... it's just a piece of it, not a problem( shall think about it) even it's lingering me 24/7 and instead of it, its what a life is. Never mind me.. let it be.