Two different tears (II)

One step for betterment

This post is solely for YOU...you really do. I hope this would lift the gruesome sadness over your shoulder.

You should have known that you are always the best among us. In everything you do, you will try your best and and from the moment I know you, You are the type where perfectionist is number one. Never once anything under your leadership fail to meet the success. Everyone loves the way you work and you always make it naturally. How cool is that? You are one great man. Although your life is always on the chaotic environment, still academic is under the control. You are smart in juggling time for work and study...remember that you managed to get through the every year in your study with excellence without a subject to repeat. God, with a course like usuluddin as yours...many will give a standing ovation for that. We know that even in the first year, hardly more than 20 students will pass the course. ( there's hundreds of malaysian rigth?) you should be proud of that. You done it well and congratulation again for the reward given to you. It's a priceless pride and honor. Same goes to the second year, you complained, nagged and non stop worrying that you'll meet the failure. It's a harder task unconvincingly to get the green light. At the end you made it ..Hey, smarties pants..Allah deals a good business with you...

Coming to the third year, you are matured in every way..getting busier all the day..time is your greatest enemy as it's never enough. Piles of books to study when so many works lay behind, it's a big crisis to handle. We salute the greatest effort in sacrificing your life for many people you love and care. You should understand this, God tests us according to our level of competence to handle it. He tested you and how hard does it looks in your eyes, just take it. With sincerity and opened-heart shall bless your life with serenity. God spares his blessing in disguise to every obstacle that happen in your life..and it just like now, the thing you take as a suffer right now. 

 

You have never disappoint us, And please, don't take this failure as a big fat disappointment  to shame about. You have done your best and we know it's a tough hard year to survive. It's the matter of luck I suggest and maybe you would try harder next. There's nothing to be shamed about. It happens not only you but for other people too, just because you always in the winning side..top of everything, It might be a difficult for you to handle because many expect you'll nail it again like a swift of the wind..yeah, over high expectation is a pressure too. Be patience okay. Everything is alright. It is the matter of how to handle this...your perspective about yourself and the motivation you spare in your heart. It's never about others, it's you. Nothing is ever worst than tsunami..my lecturer once said. It's minor...and we are okay with that, Instead, she also still be proud of you because she knows her boy have done his best.

Stop pouring the sad hidden tears, lamenting won't never bring changes on the fact and reality. Hold yourself tight and insya allah, you'll get through the rain. another year added will be a golden for you as there's more to explore and happiness waiting to indulge. Life is everything but easy. But never take it too hard. Enjoy the piece of life with friends and scholars over there. Nothing to regret. Nothing to despair. I always pray for your success in life and hereafter. We miss you so much.

Not to be forgotten akh kabir, congratulation to get passed the final year with beautiful color. It's awesome to get thorough everything on the time, a miracle for student like me you  know..if I were in your seat, it maybe 6 years to graduate..hahaha....can't wait for you to come home.

p/s: . Pray for mine too okay.....

Allah knows the best

Two different tears

One step for betterment

for every drop of tears filled with laughter, at the end of the hour, only sorrowness and deaf loneliness filled the night.

I shall call this two different tears

in the midst of the enjoyment celebrating and rejoicing other people happiness, a grip of sorrow and grief circling the body as well as the soul.

Is it bad to envy seeing how others life were so celebrated and in a bed of roses without thorns?

the envious feeling urges me to think that way. It isn't that I'm didn't glad seeing other's blessing and blissful life, I do happy for them utmost as they have almost grip everything I might am living without. sincerely, they are lucky, the fortunate, the blissful soul.

It does feel good to see how a person is being cared and attended to. In whatever problems, dilemma or crisis or anything, there are always somebody to lean head on the shoulder and to talk with. the presence is noticeable and the words and jokes are worth to listen with. Everything goes naturally and the best part is, looking through the eyes with a serene, pleasurable kindness as if saying I'm glad you're here with us. 

It does feel good when a person appreciate and celebrate the presence with tenderness and joy, as if one is not there, birds wouldn't sing, sun loses it's brightness, leaves fallen off tree and life is nothing but empty.  

They are sure to be the fortunate to really have those in life and may their presence in life is appreciated because if they don't I would like to tell many are dying to feel the way they are living their life, and it isn't a bargain when money won't make the deal. It's something you can never buy, it's something earned from people. The audacity of hope to be as what I would want to perceive is a dream. Deal with reality so it won't be a big upsetting result.

Never celebrate 'the B day' with crowds before and it surely be something awfully awkward to have that. It's weird for me and not used to it. 

p/s: Angah, I'll try my best to collect donation for your program. Hoping friends in the faculty will there to help financially. RM50 isn't that much for the rich right??  Get well soon and I'll sweep away the worry...Good luck

Allah knows best

A holy month

One step for betterment

A holy month should makes a person holier....

A holy month should drives a muslim for a better BEING if a better MUSLIM is a hard task

A holy month should be celebrated with joyous tranquility for worshiping ALLAH, greater rewards is promised

A holy month should make a daughter faithfully loyal to her parents, extend her loves beyond herself..

A holy month should serve a big deal of compassion to everyone..less temper more patience

A holy month should be taken as a whole, for it's a last ramadhan we unsure to meet again

A holy month should be respected and celebrated, with tonnes of dua'a, salah, small deeds, sadaqah, and good saying. 

Our body is fasting, our mind is fasting, our soul is fasting, all the organ are fasting. whenever we talk dirty or talk bad or gossips on others, we reduced the fasting rewards, gain the sins, whenever we fasting without completing the 5 times prayer, we are jaheel.. whatever we think and have in our mind must be clean, whatever blue, yellow or grey movies come in the mind, should be deleted from the hard disk..mind our talk, mind our manner, mind our thought...mind our eyes and ears. May this will be a message for ME and for US....i remember, 

USTAZ HASRIZAL once said-

"to send a message, be the message"   

i try to fix myself....i really do...a small step at a time.

p/s: angah, along, I'll try my best to settle the sponsorship okay...luv ya soO much!!

The scenes of Ramadhan

One step for betterment

Ramadhan Mubarak alaik~!!

In the Scenes of Ramadhan.........

In the eagerness of celebrating ramadhan, I have encountered several AHAA moments just few day sheer celebration before the holy month. It never a joke gentlemen, but those scenes are the unwanted yet unexpected pre-ramadhan celebration I would like to know. This is a monkey business..

Raya's songs is tuning here and there

Oh..oh..oh..oh..oh..oh..oh..oh..oh....oh...oh My GOD!

this is nasty everyone! What's on their thinking of tuning this kind of songs in the business centre. Don't you not even have a heart of being excited celebrating the fasting month..How rude..how cold...you pissed me off...not even the shopper...I even found some of my OWN friends singing Raya's song saved in their list of MP3 in the laptop..Hey, hey,hey, Don't be like this okay, I know the melodramatic 'balik kampung', 'Di hari Raya' and 'Salam Lebaran'  swaying your heart to your kampung and parents...but hello, isn't this is rude and shows the least respect to the religion when you have more concern on Syawal compared to Ramadhan? It should never be like this. I'm totally frustrated and disappointed. FULL STOP.

A false move behind Islam

As this one beautilicious girl stepped into the class, the exchanged looks from many people glued my eyes on her. Well..well...well...a transformation from head to neck..looking her with the new image and self-concept at the edge of ramadhan left NOT only me, but many with disappointment and Big Big shock. She's now officially without hijab and veil on her head. Buzzing gossips exchanged just by the eyes contact and body signals. Hey, gossips are not only spread verbally okay. None of our classmates were confronting her which is a wise decision. It might be a huge humiliation to her and lowering her respectable good image. It's easier to say it lest us in awe of speechless state of action. I regard her as my good Friend and so is she. she said that she didn't mind of being bashed up verbally by me to see her with the new her, because she said she knows my view of this and sha can accpet it. But..but..but..if teh gay guys saying something like this, then she'll turn into red bull becasue knowing the content of the message is just irrelevant with the group like them and thus htey actually lay no concern about the religion but only for their full satisfaction...eww..loathsome. I never want to bashed her..not my type..but I will try to figure something out. We had a heart -to-heart talking when I lashed out all my views and opinion (not all...not really,i didn't managed talk much =]) to her and the buzz from peers and friends. She stated her reasons and replied mine. By that I know there are two possible stands here;

1. to avoid from being called fitnah agama as wearing the veil On and OFF will degrade the islam religion on other people's eye. Knowing that she is never fully applied the hijab all the time lest her in dilemma if she should be like what she wants or stay put her veil seasonally

2. To stay putting the hijab as it is the practice for a fully duty wearing tudung regardless whatever people say. To have strong stand of doing what islam wants although the practice does not happen the entire day. At least, she's trying to put it although it's only occasional.

See, there are two prominent sayings here. Anything to be chosen is with a solid reason. I know. From my view, i am more towards the second one, the practice of cover a full hijab is never an easy task. Simply said like learning a prayer..it is always with force when we were little..but now..it's a custom we know we can never leave..everything will start with a force..and in Islam anything which is highly obligated and a must should be practiced by force if willingness never comes...because although without sincerity, the deadly sins have been secured safely from GOD..please understand it...and learn from it......

...the same goes to wearing socks too....this month is a good practice for it right~!! come on..may allah bless an easy way of driving towards mardhatillah~~

Here is something out of topic...I am OVERLY DESPISE seeing guy(s)..being horny in words, physical and manners...don't you ever think that we..your felow friends like all the poll dancing -like drama and disgusted loathsome ugly dances..we never are..I'm totally sick of it and so are others...though without verbally, our ignorance of loads of your dancing-like action should let you know well...be civilized a bit okay...we already lost half of the respect to you guys, and trying to secure the remaining...that's why you're lonely. we are still kind enough to regard you as a fellow human. thank you..
sorry for being so directed and bullet-mouth.

p/s: Chatted with angah and along both at the same time was so AHA moments to me!! Happy ramadhan uols~~

Allah knows best

Tonnes mile ahead

One step for betterment
Tho loads of work and commitment excruciating the energy beyond the limit, this is the way of life have I choosen. I remember madam K (I insisted her to write a book,apart form journals and articles) once mentioned to enjoy a university life as a student being to the fullest, drive a career to the highest achievable level while young before reserve the remain of the life to one what we call FAMILY. Serve the fullest potential to oneself before shifting life commitment with the loved ones....namely the hubby and babies..sweet~!! So then, there's nothing to regret about in life when everything desired and dreamed have been accomplished meaningfully and satisfyingly. 


Here is the schedule of the week for NOR ATIKAH BINTI AZNAN whose have flexible timetable..not-so called busy...excuse me~~
1.Latihan PERKAD (pertandingan kawad) at padang kawad Uitm Induk. 5-7pm and 8.30 -11.00pm.
I have a least interest for participating in this tournament because it's really scorching hot marching under the heat of the sun and sunburn...like I'm the fairest of all lady (sarcastically). I didn't like nor hate it, but if course this is under my total control of joining the extremely tiring 'exercise'. Looking at the good side of it, my body become even healthier as having a consistent, regular jogging circling padang kawad TWICE..it improves my stamina and the biggest prayer I plead is to lose weigh. Hopes that I would lose around 2-3 kilos this time. At first, for my peeps whose staying in sek.17 encountering a micro dilemma for transportation. It is okay to go there, but to get back where we live, that's a huge challenge to solve. If we didn't managed to get bus by 10.40pm, surely cab will be the loyal transporter. it's not a waste of money to go and fro by cab,it's -INVESTMENT. there's one night where the five of us;sheila, azim, teha, thirah (tyra) and me myself did something out of the thinking but because it left us no choice, we had to do it, precise timing, at night-to walk all the way from sec.2 to sec.17. Roughly it's like from Pekan Rabu to Jalan Pegawai (for dearie maahadians). IT's a long long night for us the fabulous five. Cab didn't want to take us for 5 persons in a car is not allowed. Final decision, we had to make it...I have never done this I told them...but it's okay because we were five members......and went to marching practice the entire night...it's a co-curriculum activity to be attended and not a kind of 'kutu rayau' wandering along the street. Above all, we laugh alot..exchanged stories and laugh again..jus to keep us moving joyfully...smile......no stress. Anyway, we'll be on the battle this Sunday..pray for us. (tk nak masuk dah pasni..tk larat daa)


2. Program Fidyah Ramadhan
This is the program organized by PMFP, a prominent society in my faculty. As the head of director, I am responsible to cater from scratch and ensure the many thing is okay on the day. Many thanks to Kak Adila for guiding me in doing this project. It's not a so DIVA and MEGA project,just  a small one. Thus, this is nothing for you whom have organized zillions of project before. I'm a toddler still...many to learn. We had a preach by ustaz aminuddin and the opening of Fidyah counter at Dewan Seminar Intec. It went like the way we planned..Alhamdulillah..


3. Part time job


4. Study and revise the hard core subjects where they've been abondon for quite some times.. phonetics and phonology as well as educational counselling


that's all for me now.
p/s: angah, jgn marah ye kak cik blik rumah lewat...hari nie last...sorry =]
Allah knows best.

When life get busy, life is happy..for me

One step for betterment

It left us almost two weeks ahead before ramadhan. I just noticed that by looking at my calendar. life is good for now and always wish for a better day tomorrow. I had had my first and last tournament for SAF (sukan antara fakulti) yesterday which is surely Kayak...yepp darlings~~ i'm joining and choosing kayak instead of badminton, table tennis or volleyball. This is something not only out of my skill but out of the box, mind you...for women's team, we scored forth place and for men's team, third place. I did well in my practice although i'm kind of a toddler in the teammates. unfortunately, I was disqualified just before the race because i fell into the lake...it was a bad luck for me,yet devastated...i nearly drown into the water as well as the sinking heart knowing the fact I couldn't make into the race. well, never mind to ask how's the feeling because it really crush the inner soul.Azhar, the manager tried to comfort me out but we both knew it didn't work. I want to blame the previous participant for late of returning his kayak to me to start my race (as we are sharing this thing) and the delay of technical adjustment in the kayak to allow me sit comfortably. I wasn't in comfortable and stable zone one step into the kayak because the sit adjustment didn't fit me. I was delayed about 15 minutes adjusting all the stuff and after being called for the last call, I just rushed stroking the lake with the pedal..i wasn't balanced all the time and just before at the starting lane, I lost control of the balance and.........splushhhh~!!! drown into the water....fully drown......i panicked a little bit but most of the moment, i was really angry and total disappointment was all in my head. darnnn...........i know i can make it...and by looking at those participants, i know that i am much better than them and can bet them up....not being cocky but being realistic. we have trained ourselves real hard for almost 2 weeks and the hard work really build me a better player in this game. seriously said, they stroke the pedals as a beginners. I didn't secure my place to be at top but i am confidence in making ti on top 3...looking into azhar's face, i know this young manager was disappointed because all the potential have washed away in the lake of the unfortunate..which was me. HE said that i was too nervous and acting not like me...well, that is part of it..i can't handle the tense and pressure due to lack of time in preparing the kayak and it just blown me away......I was bitter and hate myself and blame for being such an idiot...like, relaks okay...aish.

It left me about 30 minutes to get back the calm state of mind and body..lucky for not crying because I'm ugly with tears. I gathered my inner strength and took all that as blessing in disguise and not a lucky day yet....god saves it for some other time..be there, done that, let it go. What was most important was to focus on that tournament and supporting my teammates.. Mazni, Intan played a double game as well as amri and din. i am the single player, bob is likewise. Bob is great man, I tell you, he's stroking the lake like a pro and very relaxing. but as we went further, the heat was real tense. Men's player were rocking the lake like water dragon ...swift like sliding on the ice...wow...we captured some photos there..I'll show you some other time. 

We finished everything by two pm. I was tired and we really are. we moved separately after that. I rushed to sek.17 for zohor prayer and some shower. Owh yeah, breaking news to you peeps.~!! I am now a part time worker in my faculty at 'Ayamaz Roti Impit'...hehehe....RM3 per hour. so, after the game i have to check in for work at 3.30 pm until 6.30pm. what a busy day for me, but soo happy to get busy, at least it makes me focus (a bit) on my responsibility. Well, gotta go right now..more to tell about this new hot job to you~!!! gotta work..hehe....

p/s: angah sayang, thanks for the calling and message..it's almost 3 months since we're connected..and along too...warm hugs for you both..

Allah knows best