hmmm..ripping apart??? no way

Let’s talk this over.… it’s not we’re done..although there’s a time where I just ignore your presence… but It isn’t show that I’m not concern ‘bout you… in the corner of this eyes, I carefully watch wherever the legs bring you… praying that you’ll be able to make your day.. far across the distance.... two dimension between us… it’s a wall to climb.I hate to see you wear that sober face dear friend… it’s worrying me to see how sad you are with this current life… I might not be the one for you to be with when something get wrong….. you got the better one…. I know … but as long as it cure the hurt… I am finely relief… of course, we rarely talk…as from my party.. I am a bit egoistic..to say hello to you..waiting you to greet me first….yes, it is ridiculously stupid.. I know..but can’t help myself of not being such a jerk wanting you to open the door.. honestly, there isn’t a time when I am not thinking of you dear friend…if you were doing great…praying that no more emotional- breakdown in the middle of the night… I always thought me have a unique friendship… from the surface.. we are alien between each other…but the other side..i know you are a good accompany…a dear friend…. You are something to me…I’ll never ever let this bond of friendship break into thousands pieces…. my biggest nightmare…


Sometimes I feel like perfect stranger….being a minute creature if you were with the other friends.. only reachable in an empty crowd…but yes…I’ll be there if …… if I am needed… sometimes I’m feeling envy when you easily get going with other peers than when you with me…. it’s your prerogative .It used to make me sad you know but not anymore because it just like that why you are so……. why I’m becoming a few words person with you is left with question mark……. Awkward ?? Whatever …..only want to let you know a thing….i am glad to have a precious friend like you…and always say a little prayer that one day you are able to find your true self back…….and leave your mind in peace..because deep in this heart… I put a total trust regardless whatever they said..hopeless ….…you’re not gonna to destroy yourself anymore… once is more than enough.

Ramadhan in my eyes.....

I hope it is not too late for me wishing all muslim happy ramadhan….month of the Ummah.. years in, years out, and presently we still got this prosperous opportunity to be in ramadhan again…what else am I gonna say besides Alhamdulillah….Allahuakbar….i am so thrilled to join the glorious ramadhan night.. tarawih of course…I have no idea why but to me, this month is an assurance for multi protection and serenity.. this body lay in peace..wondering on how beautiful is the quranic recitation in tadarus….either as in group or merely alone…I would like to hear your voice… that’s all I want….and not to be mentioned when the imam performing tarawih with a lovely tarannum…. And as his heart deeply fall in those meaningful recitation…. where it has the force to make me weep.... just like last night… because it has been a long time for me not hearing that utterance.. worshipping god sincerely begging HIS mercy and bless. It is beautiful … To have that moment is like lifting me up to the promise land….. reminding me how grateful I have to born as a muslim…. Standing still under HIS protection and Rahmah…. Yes.. I am proud to be muslim..proud to hold the oath being a good muslim..a good worshipper… I hope I am the good one…and still a good one.

my love is HIS love

Flashing back to the time when we sat for hours chatting…..I try not to forget the very dear thing my bro said to me…his golden..opulent advice is unforgettable piece I ain’t forget. Choosing a partner to live with the rest of my life is always a crucial thing to decide…a lifetime decision..single mistake..and we ‘re finish…terminated. To choose lovable one is very hard to simply focus on one big thing because it’s always shadowed by his oneness….taking his feature is the best and nothing is compared to his….. see…how blind a love can be?? What is the big thing we always missed and unaware about?? There’s 4 things we have to look up from the future spouse; the religion, the family, the beauty and the wealth…..the top priority must be the religion. Owh yes….. occasionally, many will accidentally put of the first criterion…..the beauty and personality become the first chart out of anything else….hmm


To me..yes, I always dream the one that featured in religious way..firstly, is the 5 times prayers (see..this is the first basic)….. must be completed excellently without M.C…in my faculty, hmm……just counted by fingers….not that many…it is the one that I should look up the most…I mean, how am I going to ensure the one will be a really great leader to my family is the one himself is fragile…..faith in God is just a slice of an onion peel…….

To sustain a marriage without the first criterion is only making a blissful marriage in few years time ….not a lifetime marriage…and only if that kind of marriage work out amazingly, it’s still a waste an pitiful because without a religion consciousness in family,..God will never lay his consent on them….so, it’s only a happy marriage in this world but not until hereafter….ohh..yeah, there’s too another kind of marriage that work its spell…a marriage without the first criterion but only after the marriage they have the consciousness on putting religion first in family matter……my family is to put in this group( kudos mom)…….so, God works things differently and in very colourful way which we can never really expect of. It’s the desire and willingness right……..


People usually willing to change because of their loved ones….someone that really deliver love so much and give the most appreciation is usually become the prime reason why he/she change.. is it for better or worst…..hmmm….some may call it as a sacrifice..some rather announce it as a life awaken.

I'm not in mood or is planning to get marry sooner.........I'm still in my youngster but still, I should start think deeply of my future and get prepared for that..... It's is something important.....

Currently, I’m really in love with someone here…..my first....I think I'm just too young (never forgive myself for this).....seriously...so in love which I couldn't tell how.....and the one have no idea of such feeling that I have towards him, I’ll never tell…never let the one knows..hmmmm. (okay, this is just like a confession) It makes me thinks a lot ‘bout this matter… and it is very complicated for me to sort this thing out..well, you may easily say forget ‘bout it, shut this thing out of your mind!...but if you were me..will you easily done that?? Think before you speak…….


To me..it’s a pure true love I would love to hunt..and if this love is not as what God agree with, based on the criterion that the one failed to fulfill, I would rather let this love go away although it’s painful and tearing me down…. I better sound serious on this, I would like to say, my first rank of love is the God…anything against him will be executed….I firmly believe if the love towards human is sacrificed because of Allah, HE will grant me a better person to fall in love with….a worth decision to make in a long run….although I might mentally tormented for some times. I pray hard for HE will reward me with someone worth to hiss this love….. will you be one? hoping that you are the one.........

My heart fall deeply in God’s hand….so in order to win my love is to search this heart deeply within God’s.

today is 'raining'

Feeling that I'm a loner.....yes...
all the hustle, noise.... and giggling in class make myself cheerful and full of laughter... what a wonderful time we have..
but..as the lesson end..ustazah wrapped up the lecture........the noise..the crowd slowly emptied the room...laughter and noise began to mute the sound...the feeling of belonging to one another is snatched away..just like that...
some of them straightly heading to Mc D.....
some with their bunch group...settling matters.....
some....waving goodbye walking hands in hands with their partners...
all gone.....
leaving me completely alone.......


i need to lean on another shoulder............if only for today, is enough....just for some time..
i want to have someone to accompany with...someone will make my life full again....i'm beyond my sadness right now....feeling abandoned... it makes me weep...

it's a hard time, a difficult day...and emotional situation for me today.....i can't stop crying while writing this post......what else I'm going to say...dear....is there someone wiling to take care of me? If there any??? because sometimes i just too tired taking care of others life.......ensure they live a happy life....only for today, I'm just too tired....too.......

today...it's raining....outside the bus...outside the class.......but no one knows.......im also raining inside....physically and mentally.......here...in this cold library....writing this post.

To know the real you.........

Do you know what flavor are you? Friends in our community consist variety of flavors let it be apple mint, spicy, maple syrup, lemon, and perhaps wasabi…hmmm..one thing makes human is so interesting to know is the personality, I always eager getting to know friends and cliques in my lane….best buddies and my girlfriends….so much to learn from them y’ know. There are people always tuck hood on their head, some prefer to shade their personality with something which is not theirs. Are you afraid of revealing the truth identity? It is the nature of some to be and to portray the side of oneself to those they befriended differently. In one place, a persona want to reflect the self as a good, lenient person as much as he can, to his people…hibernating the unwanted character for sake they would know you are the good type and leave a goodwill perception in the end of the day. On the other place, in the most comfort zone, with those the persona stick the most….is another story, the true and solid, that inner core is unfolded. Some people want the cliques not to know the other side of themselves..carefully cast a protective charm, hidden from them.

Presenting a self in that way is not because afraid of friends loathing and to pull off, breaking the friendship into pieces…(I believe there’s some) but the uncomfortable feeling inside, like cauldron with felix felicis potion, makes them feeling insecured. You see, usually, the biggest secret we are trying to hide mostly is the easiest to be revealed….in a way we didn’t expected to be and not even under our consciousness. To me, how hard you are wrapping the unwanted pieces of yourselves….is doesn’t work on to every beings …….like I know the real you very well for past these years…..

Sorry for the fact that I know things you don’t want me to know, apologize to make you believe I know nothing ‘bout that but actually I read everything written all over your face. I hate to know something ‘bout you when I’m supposed not to…which should be just yours..not mine because it hurts you a lot. It’s an accidental fact that I’ve discovered…the sense and instinct that I have make me just know your type. Like a glance on the lake, I could tell which is which. Again, stalking other people’s life..gossiping everywhere, is so out of my nature…. I’m damned busy for that and my precious time has far more important thing to settle up with my life. When I see, I watch and I look…when I listen….I will also hear, everything you said to me, to the others and how u react with things you said… it’s not a judgmental perception I give…. but when you are mingling with people you always like, we can’t resist..than to be in his chapter too…into the life of each other...

But then again, I know where my place is, it’s the best for me to always keep their confidential file sealed… within this heart..it’s enough for me just to know it myself…. Because it is a betrayal to our friendship if I ever leak theirs…. Upholding a respect and trust in them is important than anything to me, i don’t mind…if you are going to tell me and share with me anything ‘bout you....go ahead, but I won’t crawling to your feet just to make you utter the thing you completely refuse to let me know…….. you always have a choice right.. I’m happy to let them know that they think they know I don’t know the hidden thing about them, whereas I completely know..but just pretend that I know what they don’t want me to know…… hmmm….whatever.

Although in some times, in dark corner, on my knee I will sit, uncoiling my sadness and grief on the knowing fact that I wish I don’t know…because it hurts a lot to see how bad they’ve ruined their life…how far they strayed away..as they thing the dark is the light. How much I know is better keep to myself….to me, I feel graceful and thankful to myself because the good thing of this is I befriended with them because of who they are despite what type and flavoured they really are.. I choose to stay with them because of love and friendship…not out of pity or everything….that’s true…deep in this heart, we all knows that we are important on each other and loyal to this tie….everyone has secret buried in their heart…people just have to lay some respect to it. It’s not a life intervention that we want, but playing a good role as a good friend in good and bad time, and bring a goodness is the best we can deliver.