Glitter in Ad-Din....before my four eyes

Boasting is considered as the unethical mode hated by the Lord and every creatures but Satan. In exceptional circumstance, to boast is allowed and regarded as sunat. Popping eyes? Too good to be true? Watch this out. Muslim is allowed to behave boastingly towards a person who proudly boasting on himself for the sake of to let one learn a lesson. To be exact, the massive boaster…this one creature is annoying and thus annoyed people surround. So, let’s get on his rhyme. This is a way to teach others for not to boast around…

Another thing that captivates me is these excerpts:

“Kalau isteri/suami itu berakhlak, terasa tenang bila berbicara, terasa rindu bila berjauhan, terasa lapang bila bertentang, terasa kehilangan bila berpisah..inilah akhlak islam”

“Yang mengetahui rahsia hidup sepenuhnya ialah pasangan hidup. Selayaknya seluruh rahsia hidup itu adalah hanya diketahui suami/isteri”.

Abu darda’ berkata: “sesuatu yang paling berat dalam timbangan ialah akhlak yang baik”

“Tidak perlu menunggu suami yang baik, untuk menjadi isteri yang baik. Tidak perlu menunggu isteri yang baik untuk menjadi suami yang baik. Jadilah pasangan yang baik kerana diri sendiri”.

The easiest and smallest things under the feet always taken for granted. Honestly, my ears are deafened listening to others fear of evilness running in the blood… like they’re born as devil and the hopes and wish to become good man when they found one. What an excellent excuse..I would like to suggest, wait for angels to come by you…you’ll be good for sure. *sweat*. Then, on another circumstance, some would like to get a religious partner for the sake-you’ll-guide-me dear. High sky hope..The intention is noble for I know there’s an effort on that but it doesn’t run that easy. It’s the attitude and amplitude that synchronize with the intention. This kind of marriage does work on few but framed with thorns of obstacle..only the true seeker win the game. It is not like changing shirt or sleeping partners…which you can choose blindly. The big step devoted a lifetime process..with the opening heart and fear of god. My tip top tip is to linger and stay closely connected with pious persons and friends that seem approved to lead guidance. The best is to have the best of both world….worldly people and religious mankind….it’s a balancing proportion of life. Do be good for yourself…others in your sight are only the catalyst to set on the speed…they can tell and show how to ride but you’re the one to drive.

unwraping the unwanted box

the only guys i feel secure are my siblings...for years, i've never look on guys other than them..basically, i was immune with the other gender and pay no interest with them. i'm more attracted with girls....they're adorable, sweet and understanding...i feel so carefree being with them....amazingly great companies.Haish...am I straight? I wonder......that's the question that always hit this mind.



I belong to me. that's what i'm thinking and feeling for years. there, I have no idea that it won't be long where my life will totally change at 19.....



is into someone right now....I've surprised myself on how on earth it will be this fast.. so like fast and furious..farah is right, telling people is not curable for this disease..everything you feel is best flooded by writing rather seeking friends...more accurately, i hardly let friends share such feelings and private thingy..best keep inside...again, I do agree with farah, when sharing,all we need to do is to listen, keep your mouth shut... okay, back to the story,



when first I felt it, i think it just temporary..that i befriended with guys and girls at fac.etc...bla..bla..bla. because girls and boys usually would have platonic relationship. I ignored it, claim that it's the 'social boom'. Day in..day out, few month passed by and now i know that it coudn't be this serious. for one part it's a prove that...I'm not lesbo...huhuuhu... no..no..tidak..tidak...ok.



sometimes...love overshadow the literal mind and thought. In certain part, you just let it control you just like that..that's what i know...my, god-save-me. what makes me so attracted to this one is mysterious....and out of mind. but for sure, it makes me glad enough just to be there...although far beyond the block. I can feel the presence...by me or far away. i've carried away this feeling for months...secretly secure under my bed. no one ever know this, not the roommates too. because for one thing i surely feel is shame of myself to have such feeling....seriously...



i didn't let the one know neither closest friends. but one evening...the darkest fear of my life turn reality...i was crying when praying asar.....(shoot, how on earth...) I was alone...suddenly, out of nowhere...my rummates entered...i've never drop into tears before them, it was kind of shock watching me crying a river...no more secret..



usually it it always me to comfort people....melting down fear and revive the feeling....so, i did feel good when they comforting me.....we share the thought and such a good advise they'd deliver.



let set aside the confession..just let you alert that I'm normal.....not the angelic devine angel that have no feeling towards 'adam'.



currently, i think it is the best for me to stay single because i'm not ready yet to have partner in life...seriously yes because i just don't know how to handle it....it creates an awkward situation for me.my life is cherish and blossomed with friends and siblings for companion. that's the love i mostly wanted in life in human sense. I being loved and adored by these girls in asasian...like a toy, i lived in the playhouse. so, dear friends...every moment with you is a heaven joy i had. same goes to my siblings....we are still the PDA bro and sis......so free in public......we are just like this...don't mind us..



i'm settle with this tingly feeling now....relief to exactly know how to handle it. final words....i'm just not fit have partner yet.....like my friend said....'kalau ada tu ada la...tuhan tu je bile dia nak bagi.'
*sigh*

floating on the mid littlehood times

Laying there on the comfy couch, with an empty silence in the finite room, the old vision of the childhood memory flying through my mind…once again. I won the parents lottery ticket. My parents colour the canvas of my life by providing a life as a normal kids…and I’m thankful for that. Living with boys in the same full house is a nil excuse to be like a dead fish and helpless. You have to be as the same level with them no matter what. I’ve grown as a sturdy, tough little girl but… with dazzling feminine touch inside.

We played girls and boys game together as I could remember, but then again….when it came to fighting, it was the real combat with zero mercy… bet it was. I rather announced it as war. Shielded with mops, brooms, hangers and cane, mostly the battles were always between me and my angah, which I used to call him the monstrous lion. He was so fierce and mean to me..and I hated him more than anything. In the ‘war’ time, we were like wild reptiles escaped from Africa. Only a person can tame us down if mother not around…the big brother aka my along. He’s like a king of the jungle and everyone respects and obeys his very words. We’re able to settle in peace after exchanging cursing words (because of the rules, we’re prohibited to speak dirty words like ‘ba**, ‘bangang’, etc. so, it was just trash)and kept in prison in each rooms. Around the age of 7 and 10..it was the dark age of parenting I guess….kids really make you out of sanity right..by giving hard time. Oh my, I have no idea how did mother handled us…it must be madly crazy..like she’s lucky not to go to therapist. Well, things only turn upside down in the combat hour, most of the period…everything was okay and on the system.


My parents embedded the right education system for us. In educating children, they believe it is God to be the first, then the world. Inserting the spiritual element is important to get to know Allah and the prophets by learning and practicing Quran at the young age to toddlers. It’s all perfectly synchronized between spiritual element and the worldly knowledge to us. Our family is quite religious….from my point of view. But the both family from my mom and my dad is the traditional type of family which literary means none of these members are religious men in sense. So, it was just us…until now and believe me, it’s bizarre scenery to look a girl at the age of 6 wearing veil in the village. It’s freaky and alien sight for those civilians with the taboo mind. The feeling…don’t ask..i nearly want to take it off..seriously…but mom’ll kill me if I ever did that.


Still clear in my mind, it’s a must for us to perform congregational prayer together before rush out for play time and no excuse for that. We weren’t allowed to rebel in the house but rules…hehehe…we need sparks of life once in a while, and by breaking rules sometimes…was terrific. Another thing I remember is we did had a mini library in the living room.Hmm…. What to expect if your mother is a teacher…she always planned everything….anything to do about education, she’s the top. Mom, she’s strictly strict but her words are philosophical...and sometimes it got you slapped on the face. Daddy is an angel of my life with a blue uniform on. He’s not originally a pious captain in the family but he’s learning it time to time. One thing I learned most from daddy is to be humble in everything. Daddy said the purpose of sending us to Islamic school is to teach him about islam as by this way he’ll improvise. This guy was never ashamed to admit that. He sometimes asked anyone among us to check out his Quran recitation and never in my life I’d ever meet a guy with such humbleness. His legacy to us will always be remembered. Owh daddy, you always live in my heart...the spirit will roar ddep here...forever.

Taking a glance at those times, I know how much I miss my life as a toddler. Everything is prepared for you, life is a simple dice throw like 123, we get whatever we want when sob into tears. There’s nothing much to worry about on life in present or future…the elders always thought it first for us without being asked. Life as a teenager is very challenging and for that reason too, I feel content.......

money...honey...funny

What really money get you in life? Is it true money comes first, then love? In one way, I do agree with the premise. Have you ever had love sandwich in the morning? It contains love and caresses ingredient that looks so tantalizing but when eaten, it doesn’t relief the hunger. So, that’s the point. But I am against to the stand because I was poor and helpless. I thought my life was as a living corpse when I’m penniless. But it wasn’t because I still owned a family.. they’re the pillar of my strength …..always…till now. Whenever I heard people say money is the utmost in life and how life is a incomplete puzzle without it, I think I would like to change his heavenly thought into the darkest ugly nightmare..Money is just next to nothing. Because…..


You can buy books but not KNOWLEDGE

You can buy medicine but not HEALTH

You can buy food but not APPETITE

You can buy a clock but not TIME

You can buy bed but not sleep

You can buy people but not RESPECT

You can buy security but not SAFETY

You can pay man-of-god but not IMAN

You can pay a doctor but not LIFE

You can pay whores but not TRUE LOVE

You can pay counselor but not HAPPINESS

It challenges your mind to ponder a while and clear off the old judgment. It is all about satisfaction in oneself. What satisfies us the most in life? Success, happiness, or cash in hands? So, give all your money to me because you don’t really need it. You can’t buy and get everything with money. What’s the worth of keeping it with you?
Think…think again.

A is for Allah

Allah is the greatest….WHY???

He blessed people in every occasions and every time. Not in a second HE forget to let us breath..freely without tax.

Never ever he refuses to feed on kuffar at the time they’re not worshipping HIM
Ever since human created in this earth, HE patiently handles our evilness behavior of messing up everything and stands with the endless mass problem created by us.

He too, listen to our wish of possessing the most desired, the most wanted..all we ever love to have. He listens but as HE listens, he justifies and calculates and measures what suit us the best. In the end, HE gives us the best thing HE had chosen. When we want something but not enable to get it, it is either 2 possibilities; HE replace with the better one @ keep the thing in the waiting line to grant at the right time and at the right place..just be patient a little.
HE done this and done that….it keeps going on and the cycle is never stop.

Sometimes, I’ve ashamed of myself because Allah keeps on giving me many things I want in life… and I accepting more and more but… giving less. (yes, it is…no cradle of lies). It is a selfish attitude of me as the lowest rank of the lowest servant of Allah. Hmm….May he provides me more time to do more good on him….abide him….every words and rules.


Dear Allah, your forgiveness is all I sought...I seek repentance and admit all my faulty ever since I’m here. Reminiscing the moment, there’s a time i‘m lost in my own imaginary world…far from YOU. I had joyous wonderful time in that world, my very own creation. But, it’s all temporary. Back in the reality, the feeling fade away and then I found that I’ve been messed up with this life. Out of peace and serenity, blind in the darkness, it was the worst condition of me.


Here..now, with your never ending love and bless, you gives the privilege to save myself once again before it’s too late. You offered the golden chance for me and get me back in the righteous path…the road I’ve strolling before. I don’t know how to put words of saying this. There’s no appropriate word to say how thankful I am for this mercy. In the present, I live a beautiful life, lingering with the best mates and people, just in the right place. I’ve surrounded with people who devoted life and time to spread HIS words to all mankind. Da’awah…I love it. With my own way, many have inspired me, siblings, mom, maahadian mates and yeah not to lay forgotten- all teslian ( asasi tesl students in Uitm). To see how worst condition of this ummah is to look into the youth. It’s an emergency call for muslim to get our brothers and sisters back to islam. Allah wouldn’t measure if we succeed or not, but He asks either we work out something to get things right. Isn’t it a fair judgment? I love my religion, I love islam.

How beautiful islam isn’t it but still many are too blind to accept it as a whole. For some, a portion is enough. Many claimed they’re muslim, but it’s a complete faked. A muslim prays his prayers 5 times a day. A muslim cover the hijab fully not to let ajnabi to have pleasure on it. A A muslim knows Quran and read the book frequently. A muslim cherish the earth with good deeds to one another. To sum it all, A muslim reflects the quran as his ultimate guidance in life.
It’s not too late to go back to Islam. Use the time wisely to find the truth. Many actually found the truth right under the nose but refuse to admit it because of one reason- not yet prepared to be a muslim.

Think deliberately,
how muslim are we now…
Is it worth to give in life to worldly affair which offer no shares for hereafter….
We always say Allah loves us…and know he is…but do we love HIM?…..is there a true love for Allah from us?

Think again….

p/s: I better be a good girl......better be a faithful

owh really....owh my...owh god!

I feel jubilant when someone I know came to my state, that was his own hometown. Not seeking the chance to meet, but knowing the presence make me feel enthusiastic that we might bump into across the road or something. Funny isn’t it. Besides the hometown is same as mine but on different villages which is as far as I concerned not really far away. It just like, hey..awesome. might be our opah knows each other.Hmm…fat chance. So, I was thinking how’s the life at village look like with relatives flooded over the house. It must be pandemonium burst with laughter and trash talking and everything.

Well, you might have been thinking, what craps am I writing about? Telling story that doesn’t belong to me? Hahaha..whatever. of reasons jotting down this pieces is because….
1. I ran out of idea what to write about
2. I can’t go back to my hometown which is at parit because my opah is staying at my aunt’s.
3. We are not gathering at village for this holiday as we usually do because everybody is busy.
4. He reminds me of the extravagant moment I had with relatives and opah at kampong coz it sure to be havoc.
5. I choose to write this

It's wonderful to know someone u know just around your hometown. Even though we never set an eye on each other. Haish. No…no..no…sounds so wrong. Even though we never meet. I wish farah hometown is here too..coz for sure i'll ask her to drop by my house...but there’s one major social problem here. I still crowned the ‘shy girl’ title. It is difficult for me to let others know what I really feel on something when something happen or appeared. Most of the time, I try to sound neutral as possible when talk or texting people, especially to the other gender. On certain matters and occasions to be precise. I’m afraid to think what the other think about it later, the thought in mind and everything. But I hope they’ll understand what am I feeling at the moment. Yeah, grotesque..

of my alarming tone

I’ve figure out that my writing is nothing but lame, sucks and boring. Just scroll down this blog and you’ll nod your head twice or trice. It is appeared too that I’m also have the envious feeling towards other bloggers of the ability to lay down the magical words and charmed readers to keep their eye on their writing. Well, if my master piece doesn’t match your taste of perfection, may apologize accepted as I’m just the intermediate writer climbing up the hill to become a better one. I do feel good to write whatever crossed in my mind, it’s the art..the piece of me too. It might sound cliché, but I’m learning to pick up this skill through your blog too. Kudos to you, dear bloggers.

Let me tell you this, there’s always a rule to follow in blogging, that’s is NO RULES AT ALL!!. You have the carte blanche to pen out everything you desire. Yes, to all but do know the limitation as hope it’s not something that accused you to be in ISA..laugh people, but dear, don’t said I don’t remind you..I just did. The other point is no one has the right to say what you should or shouldn’t write. Let it be anything, current issue, love story, guys next door, religious stuff or about Obama with his new puppy. If anyone feels rather disturbed or annoyed, I’ll be delighted to ask the one to leave or delete the comments. Sounds cold and sinister? Bet, I am. It’s the shield I have to protect my prerogative. Notice that, it’s my territory you are in now and I have the fullest authority on determining how to handle this blog.

But hey, it just the alarming tone of me. Above all, the intention is nothing but to have my own space to feel free and raise the mutual respect from others. I am not so the cranky lady-like girl but sometimes, yeah. No hard feeling okay, no nemesis nor fiends in this blog. That’s all from me now, wait till my next post.