the youngster

The significance of genius, brilliant, intelligent and whatsoever words similar to it is not by getting plenty of A's in study. Viewing the current atmosphere of our education system right now, students are trained by teachers to aim the A's. Most of them are so unwilling to participate in everything but study. The core reason is the way they study is like to score 24 A's in SPM. The mission of educating people now is out of the track. The purpose of learning is to understand the concept and comes with the development of critical thinking. We found that students in school in the modern age are simply not really understand the whole concept as they are the master copying or walking textbook because they are too good at memorizing with zero understanding. It is the curse to the young generation because to get A is easy as ABC by teacher spoon-feeding knowledge, spot questions in tests and exam, tuition centre and etc. So, what's wrong with them if not to have A's in hands? So, when entering the tertiary education, many got blunt and lost because there's no walking sticks for them to guide the journey. The youngster nowadays is in the worrying state as we have doubt either they are able to face challenges, creative, critical in thinking, enable to learn on humanity because the end product we want is not a humanic robot.
We do have to amend the education system in this country as the aim of philosophy of education is flipping away from our both hands....just like what Prof. Emeritus Dr. Khoo kay kim once said.

my quote today-
To always win in everything is a curse, because once to fail, it will be a great failure and hardly stand up because the losing of the pride. It is okay to lose sometimes but remember to know how to pick yourself up. The good thing about failure is a lesson to be humble in life

P/S: dunno why i'm so thrilled talking about education today...this is what happen when you linger too much with teachers in school.

Poker face-it's the life

Of all the time I had in Uitm, I feel that I've changed in so many ways and side. It is the fact that somehow horrifying me. Changes in one self is the good thing to happen as it is what me myself called self-evolvement. It is a horror to know either I've turned more into Dr. Jekyll side or fall into Mr. Hyde soul. The circumstance I live in is the battlefield I'd face and at that time for sure there's no enough weapon neither an armour to help me in this. I was all alone. Few knew how hard I've struggle silently with this mental. Put on the poker face is what I'd love to do. It is not the problematic situation that came from a way only but yeah, the people too add up more to that. The questions in my mind was why..why .. and why..but actually now I know it it should be how..

I've been thinking deliberately that to know if you are really who you are is to jump up from your safe zone and out of your world. I done that and thanks god, I do have strong personality and stand to what I want. Sometimes you should put a hard- iron face to let people know they can't mess up with me. I always pronounce my pray to god to put me in the best place he choose..the best course to study..with the great people and friends and thanks to him I got the best of both world. The dearest friends I have (it's present tense..watch it), come with the colourful rainbow of life.. so, it open up the different view of life that change my attitude towards people. I think I am nicer to people as I smile a lot and laugh a lot. they rocked my life because I used to be the type of girl that hardly smile. It's the change of life.

Other than that, for the close friends I have, I love to drag them to a deeper conversation sometimes, talking about the matter of life, religion and something that make us ponder, then reflect back to ourselves. It is satisfying to have that kind of conversation because the more we talk the more we understand each other. My mates know best on this. It may be the reason why they call me 'kakak' I think. The tight-knitted relationship we have is opulent. Yes, the manner I have at the faculty and college is quite different. Like, a lady-like girl transform into girlicious all out girl as I turned my head into Mawar territory. haaha..it is not the hypocrisy to promote to people but it is the flexible attitude to be exact. friendship is not only comprise the 3 words -I love u-I'm missing u-I need u....it bring the whole thing inside. To show grattitude and love towards them is by taking care their need, correcting the wrong and hold their hands to walk in the right lane. We hurt sometimes, we mad at them, wish them to get off from life but at the end, we realize who is the real friends and fiends.. Nemesis is everywhere as they too disguise as the man of god. Here are the experience that taught us everything and soon we know it.

On the other side, I've changed in the negative side also, apart from the good. A bit liberal I think. Not in the religion thingy for sure but the other thing. Easy to say is I let my guard down to certain people when i'm not even intended to do so. Allowing the things i hated to do happened to me. Know when it is wrong literary but still..hmm. I don't know what to say. It is a bit when people think it's okay, but it's vice versa. Is it the downfall of the piece of me? Yes, a piece of me, but I'm afraid it would tear more and more. That's the reason of not getting the true serenity there. I read holy quran, I pray, I abide but it just not enough and less than nothing when you didn't put the soul in that. It's like eating pasta without the sauce..it's blunt. It's a big disappointment to me. Reminiscing back to the days.I feel i'm the shameless girl. To start that, to do this, to do that..what else to come up next? I get that, I lost this. Is it the price I have to pay?

So then again, at home..to be the only me here. I feel the serenity and peace I lost. Because although with all the good time I had there, the real peace is at home at last. Here, I study myself back, many mistakes have been done, foul in that and there's more. So, I dedicated most of my spare time here to learn and self study. To be closer and more into my eligion. Yeah, I scared. Scared to think am I have enough time to corrected it back? am I forgiven ? because my pillar is shaking sometimes. I do feel worry if I die before repentance, to kick into the hellfire. To be intelligent and humble servant is the task to be completed in life. In other aspect, it is an empty space i feel inside too, like I worry to know that I didn't know enough, a dummy in sorts of knowledge. I want to be the one who can explain matter on the field I've been in. It is the satisfaction to have.There in Uitm, I found myself hardly top up on the matter of islamic knowledge..from books ( I read some), preaching and whatsoever. either I don't have the time to do so or feel reluctant..any reason is accepted. So, this the time to indulge on things I want without any disturbance. It may be a dull life for some but you just don't know it.

Anyway, whatever happened in life, I feel thankful and grateful to have it..bitter or sweet..black or white..I know myself better and I proud to be me. God knows the suit life for us.The colour of life we have give us either 2 options, to drawn in the flow or to lead it in our own way. Many failed to choose the right road and believe they are on the correct path..many too failed to select the right way, but managed to realize it and turned back,....some are too blind to know which road is which and lost forever...and which type we are in?

the very dairy day

the happy blissful morning.. i started online as early as 7.30 am with the high hope i'll able to settle down everything I want. Am i really gonna get it?

1. Starts with checking the upu for 2nd phase. Well, this is the most intriguing and frustrated part. i've checked on the suitable course for me..doing some research by googling somewhere. It is rather difficult than I'd expected. Of course, this is my future, and with the clicks on mouse, it is between win or finish. I really need advice for this. Hrmm, it just a step before the B.Ed and I want it be in my right, not the left. Pray hard for me..this is the dream I've crave in life. Besides, I hope those who aren't really put much interest on this course not be the one who might get it. I know there's the lot of them who pass with flying colours but not into this.

2. To add more heat here, I failed to send my pics via bluetooth on laptop. OMG, I'm really want to piss off now. Since the day I reformat my laptop...again, my little instinct feel that is not in the right place..the system in my laptop change too and setting, programs.haish....I'm rebelling right now..i don't care if they don't reinstall my winap, I even care less if my acrobat photoshop lost in the first plce..but don't mess up with MY BLUETOOTH !!! expect the cursing words inside me...

3. update my social account....this the sole way to stay connected and keep i touch with my beloved friends and yeah, some fiends.hahaha...


Above all, i'm not in the good mood as the volcanic emotion is about to burst....

Thinking of You

This is the remix song "thinking of you" by Katy Pery. It is the version of mine....
read...listen..sing...and indulge
another the**** of reika...


Compare the first day, I don’t want to know..i don’t want to become
Your acquaintance
But since the days passed by
I seeing everything, kinship evolve and
become close..we happy
You said you move on and I know
Where I do pray for you will be strong

Coz when I’m alone I am…thinking of you
Thinking of you….thinking of you
Will you know I do?
And you have …you have nothing in mind
Owh.. I wish I’m looking into your eyes


I sit by her
I feel your warmth
Ohh..owh..
I listen to ipod
And hearing your voiceeee…
I can’t help myself of thinking of you
Remembering you..
Only god knew..
You are ..the one, you are always deep in my heart
Owh..I wish to be by your side

That's the best
And yes, I still regret
I ain’t forget
The fortune day…. Dining with you
Now..now the lesson learnt
I cut..I was bleed
Owh I think you
won’t never know

Coz when I’m alone I am…thinking of you
Thinking of you….thinking of you
Will you know I do?
And you have …you have nothing in mind
Owh.. I wish I’m looking into your heart
Owh..I wish I’m looking into your eyes
Deep into your eyes


Owh god, please take me away
If love is this hard
Coz I can’t stand another …day….
No more..

The emancipation

Walking through the journey of Da'awah..
Stepping in search of mardhatillah..
Roaming during day and night
Seeking truth of wrong and right...

Hoping and never stop
believing..
Though crying in the corner...
surreptitiously
When hated instead of accepted
Ask for strength to never..
Stop trying..

Thinking..smiling..
Alhamdulillah
Life is blissful to have...
Friends to lean on the shoulder

Thanks...
Appreciated...
For believing me
Accepting me..as the plain me.

The result...

it turned me flabbergasted to know that some of my besties didn't got through Medsi..yeah, mostly those are the prominent faces in asasians and many knows how great they are. I havent checked my Medsi but..someone told me that I got it..Man, I was so terrified to death when everybody texted me to checked it but I can't coz there's no internet connection ere..huhu. SO, thanks to one who informed me about my Medsi ..Appreciated. I don't know how should I portrayed this feeling, either to fly over the moon or to feel despair and sorrow..As I have those feeling at the same time.. it's happy and sadness. Yeah, one of my besties texted me asked about my medsi...I did it but she couldn't make it.. There's a blessing in disguise why Allah decide it this way. He has the best plan for each of us and destined us the right path in life.. The beautiful thing about HIS plan is, when we received or encountered something we didn't want to, we just hardly accept it but after sometimes we'll see the strong reason why it is happened in the first place.. Isn't HE the most Brilliant and Gracious?

So, dear friends..I love to say that sometimes we think we have the best preparation on everything..but at the end, it is HE who control the way he desire to happen. And, I feel blessed and thankful that he has set up the best plan for me and hope that HE will always guide me on the right path, gives me the best place in university with the best course and the best friends to be with. AMEEN..

family...again

I went back to syah alam earlier than me myself expected..I'd arrived here last sunday after the short homecoming..reading the post in sai's blog, make me think twice..why am i going back such early? then i found it...sometimes I really felt homesick and want to go back in no time. Meet my mom and stay at full house. Yeah, once I'm be there, it is the worldly heaven for couple of hours..the best feeling to have..after that, i just felt overwhelmed and trapped..want to escape and run away from that place.



I'm expecting something better when I was at home, with all sorts of plan to work out as a family..live as a family. Instead of that, it just a day dreaming. I have a little nephew living with me but he spend most of his time at school, so in other words, I'm just his nanny. Other than that, I'm all alone at home, have no one to talk to, have no one to be by my side when it felt cold, everything is just me...with no companion..me myself is a pathetic loner..



It is nobody fault my home is so homeless...i have a mom working so hard day and night taking care on school and students...yeah, she's a teacher but the way she works is not portrayed as a teacher..something more than that. That's why she's so busy and rarely went back home...(she's a warden too). I have no right to file complaint on her....even sometimes she felt guilty to leave me alone with a little nephew to accompany with.



I assured her that I'm okay with that, the comforting words of me to her is to make her feel alright..I mean it's enough for her to worry on her school and students..worrying me only add tonnes of burden to her. Then again, I can't resist that I'm perfectly lonely....can't do anything at home..I devoted most of my free time reading books..read and read...accompany with the soft music on ears. So, only by going back shah alam earlier will free my soul..I need to communicate with people, see the beauty of this world and befriend...



Now, here in mawar..I cherish my life with my darlings and babes...faey, aisyah, awatif, najah..my empty heart is filled again..it just fews of them, but means zillions to me. The message here is not to say i hate to be at home..i love to be there..only sometimes i just want to escape from there to another place. It is the feeling I feel. You might feel the same too if 2 brothers of you in overseas, little brother in boarding school and dad's not around anymore...just you and a mom. I believe some of you might don't understand living in such circumstance..I really dream of having a proper family again, sitting together for meal, cracks silly jokes with every one of them, sharing and pouring everything you felt to them, doing chores together, and doing everything as a family once again...How I'm missing old memories..