Break it off... on the light

The semester break seems to fade away few days later and I'm still badly stuck with mountains of assignment.. I bet the others too are busying themselves hiding in their own cave. Somehow these work don't tense me for god sake know why as the enthusiasm feeling blast tense off to the shore.. Lets make the list check; writing done, Listening & speaking done, Principle Edu 70% completed( thanks Puan taksiah), grammar just half way to finish..hmm what else, ahh!! islamic study..haven't start yet( months far away ). That's, all right? So keep it up and I need to rejuvenate the energy to extend for couples of hours more.

Surely, I missed all my classmates and N (former classmate, sadly). She's the one to become my ultimate prey, haunting her every day via phone calls and sms..huhu.. poor dear girl. But that's not too bad.

One more thing, angah said he want to stay in Egypt( choose either one, wanna be Pharaoh @ prophet? u'll decide it) for another sweet cute 8 years, he's vanish for 2 years and away from me... now do the math. "abang tengah enjoy ngaji ni" he said. yeah, that's right.. but don't you ever want to back to motherland, don't you miss the fresh air, the atmosphere, our tiny cute rooms and your adorable little girl? Along too, I know even he barely produce that words..Both of them stunned me actually and I'm soo envy as it makes me think am I that struggle and fighting the battle as they do? Am I appreciating the student life I have now, deep inside he motivate me to study harder. Above all, we do separate physically but I can hear their whisper and lullabies across the sea and air, we're tied,united together in visible knot....

Not afraid to stand alone

The faculty now has the fresh breeze atmosphere.. My subject is on the the asasi foundation-us. People are in love, yes so in love. What can I say, they should come out with a club, you should know the president right-it's KD spouse..ha..ha.. and so far as i know, there's currently 10 couples officially. Ah, those are only for those in love among our mates as besides them there' a long list to be named one by one . It's like a phenomenon, and i can see there's numbers of dudes and girls still hunting the pray to compete with them. Hmm, like a race, these people want to fiil in the piece of puzzle inside.

Am I intermidated? Am I happy to be single? Do I wish want to be one of them so then I don't look like an alien? Sometimes yes, intermidated when people bombarded you the same Q's that they should know the answer already. Well, it's not the time yet for me to get involve in this. Not even ready yet to share my love and to let others get into the sealed chamber. I am not afraid to stand alone.. not afraid to stay alone..God creates love in indefine form and angels. It is beautiful, pure, holy and peaceful... Always come through my mind, is the love they make will last forever? is the person they in love right now is the one they want to spend rest of their life? or just as plain companion and to show off? Talks about love, each of us definitely want a good husband/wife in future. Lots of them want a pious-good- charming husband/wife for themselves. We always pray for that don't we? But do we ever behave and being like that?How unfair it is to ask, to wish something we want others to have but never want to practice it in our life. How shameful.

Budding a love inside first, fixs the broken part and polish the dull surface, and let it shine through your eyes. I always stand for this quranic quote; a good husband for a good wife, a good wife for a good husband. What goes around comes around.. when we ask for betterness, we should work it out, not just pointing the others and waiting..waiting..and waiting for miracles to happen.

Islamic couple? where did you get the term huh? No couple relationship in islam. there is a divine way where others least want to follow it..outdated,..conservative,,lame. Hmm, that's the vents that i got... some of us proudly use this terminology 'islamic couple' -not holds hand. Well, it's right, no hands -holding which sounds so good and sweet. But what about the other aspects? The eye- contact, siting side by side sharing the warmness(pretent to) ,.. That's a lust and satan stands behind it. They denied that and act like it's allowed. " Agama itu cahaya, maksiat itu dosa yang gelap, dan tiada perantaraan di tengah-tengahnya, apabila cahaya bercampur kegelapan, tenggelamlah ia diselimuti gelap dan terhasillah kebatilan". A true love sholud let us closer to God, bring us to a better life, not lead us to astray, away from god, neglecting Him because of the lover.. Study yourself and measure what state are you in right now..

Somes are wilingly follow the said and command in Holy Quran, everything seems perfect for them.,. look like they had work out everything to be a true muslim, .but definitely not, it's a plastic when it comes about love.. isn't it true..I see a lot, I watch many of it...every single day. But why I'm not telling them the way I feel? it is just because they already knew perfectly what's right and what's wrong.. They spend half of their life learning the same thing as I learned. It makes me sick and sad to see these models. It's may hurt you somehow if you're the one, but watch my words, I'm speaking the way I want to speak, being honest when others refuse to talk.

You may hate my writing and you're allowed to feel so bcoz I even care less as I know I'm telling the right- again, I'm not afraid to stand alone

21th JAn '09

The sun shimmering as usual, while the tree over there waving happily, Sky is clear as showing a good sign of a lovely bright day. As I woke up this morning, butterflies were flying in my stomach, today gonna be my only-girl-day. I want to be alone today. Even though it is a day of celebration, All I want to do is just o be alone, let this girl spend her precious time with her soul.

Well, how should I say this….It’s Jan 21th right, and just want to say, which I can tell that lots of you might not know this nor remember it as well. But it is an important, meaningful and blissful day for me which I feel so special today. I am a BIRTHDAY GIRL TODAY… What do I wish, what gift do I want, with whom I want to celebrate..It’s up to me to decide it. But now I just wanna be alone.

My wish, hope and words for this day…

I feel and I know , what I learn about life is
It’s not how much we accomplish that really counts,
But how much are we willing to give and to share with others,
It’s not how high we build our dreams to make life meaningful and differs,
But how high and strong the faith that we hold can climb
It’s not how many goals and targets that we reach and we get successfully,
But how many lives we can touch and change
It is not who you know well that matters,
But who you are inside either dark or bright,
Face your face forward and live your life to the fullest,
The future potential is there, ready to open the chamber with a key in your hand
We can make a difference to our world

Atikah, have faith and belief inside that you’re precious and worth to live. Adjusting to a new path is somehow causing you difficulties but lean your head forward as you are the master of your life.

take my heart

Just discovered this new indie song from a friend of mine. She is the one who introduce Soko to me and I'm now telling the others much more about soko.."hey, have you listen to this bla..bla..song" yeah, that what I asked them.. And this song is soo sweet and has the beautiful melody i've ever heard. Not because I'm in love or planning be in love soon but this song somehow reminds me to those I love and to love myself even more.. I keep giggling and put a grinning face whenever I listen to it. Learn the lyrics and please avoid some unnecessary words which I think is a bit of -over-do-it. Yeah, and check it on youtube for the clips. How sweet.....



p/s: How come my buddy didn't realise I'm following its blog just now, and it didn't take note of it until I tell it so.."I don't read my blog, just post my writing and I even care less if you read it or not, as it is for my real self". that's what it say(sorts of the dialogue). Hmm, it just like that. I call it "it" a because I want gender neutral, that's all.



Lyrics to Take My Heart :



You can take my heart for a walk on the beach

You can take my heart for a little trip

You can take my heart very close to your heart

You can take my heart forever if you like



But not every heart belongs to any other

You and IYou and I are meant to be

I'm the one for you, You're the one for me

You love me as much as I do

When you look at me and we're skin to skinI want you so



Please come in

And you love me more and more

And my love grows up with you

And you kiss me more and more

And I kiss you, tooAnd I kiss you, too



If I take your heart,

I will cherish it every day

If I take your heart, I will heal these old wounds

If I take your heart, it's to make it happy

If I take your heart, it's forever close to mine



But not every heart belongs to any other

You and IYou and I are meant to be

I'm the one for you, You're the one for me

You love me as much as I do

When you look at me and we're skin to skinI want you so

Please come in



And you love me more and more

And my love grows up with you

And you kiss me more and more

And I kiss you, tooAnd I kiss you, too(violin solo!)



I don't care, I don't careIf I'm again carried away

If you swear, if you swear

To give me your heart in return

To give me your heart in return

I don't care, I don't careIf

I'm again carried away

If you swear, if you swear

To give me your heart in return

To give me your heart in return

love is yes, hate is unsure........

What do you expect for this new year celebration. though we rolling down few first week in this first month, are happy to be here right now. From the scale 10 of happiness, it is 6 out of 10. me myself feel deteriorated in form of happiness and serene. Too much problem had encounter at this moment one after another , and another, and it's continuing to add much more... Feel so suffocated, exhausted, barely can breath freely..

Part of them are not mine, just a speck it and I can manage it well I think even sometimes I need to burst fat tears the whole night. A girl like me long to do so to comfort herself. I love friends and I love them to love me too. I adore them, like they adore me, chat with them the way they chat with me, cry alone when they cry on my shoulder. Must be strong for them, that's what I want. It's hurt, it's painful to see them in their worst condition of life, Like an elephant stepping on my chest, the sound of despair is not the music i want..

I love to be a good listener, learn them heart by heart, how beautiful the inner side of them, even when they don't feel so. Sharing problems is what i could help with those who i love. Please take not, that I don't ask the other massive problems out there to fetch me. I need to kick them of,out of my life, but still they are here.. *sigh*

My say to you is, whenever, whatever difficulties burdening your shoulder right now, do this. Pray a lot, complete your 5 times prayer if you always forget or never done it before. Make yourself a connection to god, cry a river your heart feeling after the prayer and console yourself. talk with HIM as He listen to you all the time, begging for mercy and shelter from all the hard journey and narrow path.. I always do that, my mom teach me so, and I always feel protected because i know HE is beside me, guiding me to the shimmering light that sometimes is a dark night for the blind...

First chapter of life

Assignment is something rare for me to think of in this new current semester. Have not idea of why and how i'm feeling this way. Maybe some of the juicy reason are the sound of loneliness and sorrowness filled up the air in my class. it's totally awkward not to stick around with celique I always want to hang around.

looking into these people particular hawk eyes and blissful-faking-it smile, they try the best to be cool, hidden the inner gut and despair that were haunting them all the day..actually I'm one of them but I can fake it with such grinning smile, pretend to act as nothing had happened.

Our new chapter of this blessing year is not as bright and creaming as we had wish before.. waiting no more for obstacles to show up, it is a tricky and narrow path we are going through. Hoping it will mature us much more, be strong enough to go on another day for ourselves and the loves one, and accepting everything as what it is with openness.

This is the new journey, new version of life and one thing to be remembered, what is done...is done, nothing can be done to change it....just make it better.

laying on me

Aloha, since the old few weeeks many things had happened.. many were sweet and lots were despair.
This is my first attempt jotting down this post partly in malay(just this post, maybe) as I feel more relaxs and free to demonstrate this feeling that I felt now deep inside precisely, genuinely and... the best part, a relief of burden for past some times..

the attachment of this nasheed lyric is as a resemblance of the thought and episodes of the struggling I'm now in..


Tika mata diuji manisnya senyuman
Terpalit rasa menyubur harapan
Dan seketika terlontar ke dunia khayalan
Hingga terlupa singgah perjalanan
Tersedar aku dari terlena
Dibuai lembut belaian cinta

Rela aku pendamkan impian yang tersimpan
Enggan ku keasyikan
Usah keindahannya merampas rasa cinta
Pada dia yang lebih sempurna

Bukan mudah bernafas dalam jiwa hamba
Dan kucuba menghindarkan pesona maya
Kerna tak upaya kuhadapinya
Andai murkanya menghukum leka

Diatas nama cinta pada yang selayaknya
Kunafikan yang fana
Moga dalam hitungan setiap pengorbanan
Akan disuluh cahaya redhanya

Biar sendiri hingga hujung nyawa
Asal tak sepi dari kasihnya
Kerna sesungguhnya hakikat cakikat cinta
Hanya dia yang esa

Salahkah hati ini
dengan cinta hakiki
sehinga kurasai nikmatnya
syurganya...
cintanya...

ehm, it's hurt I swear..
painful, believe me....
to hold on things that i like
even when you always least expect nor want it