My ugly story..which belong to theirs

One step for betterment

My heart rains....but who knows

Whatttttttttttttttt......

I want to rant lots of thing..

off from this page please if you think you are the one I'm gonna bite

Mind of nauseated words you've never heard of before...

Best to pour everything here as if I'm not, I'll stuck forever with this such suck/infuriating/ feeling...It pealed me off~~

hush..........this isn't juicy gossips to tell the world...mind your own business anyway

patience isn't the best virtue this time

What a friendship is about? i think I almost unrecognized the significance of best/good friend. there's no more for us....maybe we better of this way...having a boyfriend quite a huge concrete wall for our togetherness. Like, you want more and more time spending with him, leaving of alone..on the beginning, I thought I'm okay with that...like, yeah, go for it...I don't mind..even though deep inside I surely upset someone had stealing the precious I love most...days past...months left..I realized she isn't into us anymore, it's all about him...somehow I am stored in the recycle bin memory..Jealousy?? Only god knows. I like the guy and I adore their love bond....but, I damned hurt....neglected and pushed away...nak ajak keluar hujung minggu pun da susah...sebab nak kena fikir pasal si dia takut nanti kot2 dia nak ajak keluar....kalau tak dulu boleh jer, gi mydin ke, giant ke same2...tapi sekarang,suma dengan dia....sapa tak kecil hati....I tak pernah cakap, hurm...sebb tak tercapai akal kot....sayang dia...tak nak dia kecil hati..rasa kekadang macam mengada jugak..tapi memang itu yang dirasa...kami dah jauh....

kekadang agak kurang berkenan dengan buah hati tu..sebab dia suka nk pegang tangan kawan I....biasa lah lelaki, their intertwined their fingers for he asking for it...she knew I didn't really much like it (da pesan dah..kalo kapel..kalo boleh tak yah la pegang tangan)...but's you know, it's quite hard to resist or say no if the one you love whisper the song of love to you....of course it's irresistible....(for some). okay, nak wat camna,biar lah camtu, dah  suka sama suka..I'm off the line. she changed quiet a lot...so do I..hurm..I hope she is more like the old days....well, maybe she might think the same about me...I think we both hurt but didn't say anything about it, let it rottens ourselves up. I lead my own path...it might be better to explore more out there... independence is my stick to help me walk....through the hardness of bitter reality. Just move in then...I guess...still, how can I hate her, love is still there although it isn't the same anymore.... 

Next, it's also about a girl...just another girl. obsession towards anything she likes. She is rather someone with obsessive compulsive disorder...towards the living. Owh my, I know that some people won't be easy with me and try as much of avoiding me for our own good...(this make me sound like devil? I dunno). Here's one uphill request for her..."let the one who you like a lot get her own space too...if she wants to be close to any friends she loves, let her be...it's pity to see her stuck almost every moment with you"...quite a control freak. Tak perlu lah nak tarik muka masam cam **nuk hanya sebab tak dapat ikut kawan yang dia raapppaaat sangat....rimas. 

hurm....more freak things I said about another, makes me even uglier....

I should stop......for now

Raya aidilfitri 2010

One step for betterment

Hari Raya terbaik sepanjang zaman. Satu ungkapan yang boleh menjelaskan sambutan syawal kali ini...alhamdulillah opah sangat sihat dan masih muda ceria, sengal pon ada..walaupun dah mencecah umur 79 tahun tahun nih..ya, opah saya..Mahiyah Binti Alang Ahmad, sangat dekat di hati=]

opah teridur kejap...hehe mane ade

potret keluarga 7 orang dari 12 beradik

Apa yang menyebabkan raya tahun nie sangat bermakna?? Jom selongkar....

1. Opah masak lemang fan dodol durian yg sangat lah sedap....bakar lemang dua kali yer....ngan cucu2 sekali

2. Orang pahang semuanya balik kampung. susah diorang nak balik sebab kilang roti yg nak kena jaga tuh..tapi tahun nie syukur semua dapat balik..siap bawak ikan patin berekor2 lagi...segar dari pahang...woww..tambah pulak dengan suma pastri dan roti dari kilang....heaven!! roti oh roti

3. Acik udin (bju kuning gelap) bru ja dapat baby girl. anak merdeka~!!! tahniah..anak sulung tuh

4. Tahun ni suma famili tangkap gambar keluarga setiap satu...wat rakaman ala2 tv 9 la...kte kak syahrul nak antar kat angah n along bila siap edit nanti =]]..... 

5. Banyak 'updates' berjaya dikumpulkan dengan semua sepupu sepapat tuh~!!

6. Jumpa Eby (dalam pangkuan ..), Alif, alia, syafiza...dan si kenit si kenit yang laen...jadi baby sitter =]]..

7. Rasa ikatan keluarga ini setakat inilah...membahagiakn....seronok sangat. rumah kecoh tk berhenti2...maklumlah ramai suara versi loud speaker..

Eby dah makin besar,dia la yang paling tikah sayang, seronok sembang ngan budak ni, bijak...aish, geram p0n ade jgak..comel sangat....

kalau kat umah opah abis gula-isytihar darurat la jawabnya...mana tak mau, stok 20Kg pon tk cukup nk gna wat air oren sunquick....keluarga besar...memang camtuh...
tak kisah la baju baru atau tidak, tak kisah la ada lemang ke tidak sebab yang paling penting semua dapat kumpul bersama2....

sebab kita tak tahu, bila mungkn ajal kita nanti, mungkin kita, mungkin mereka pergi dulu, sayangilah yang tersayang selagi hayat di kandung badan..

SALAM AIDILFITRI. MAAF ZAHIR BATIN

p/s: akan lebih kerap menggunakan bahasa ibunda kelak~!

Allah knows best

Awaken

One step for betterment

In the sheer rejoice of holiday season....plus, Raya celebration

I know, many of muslim out there and maybe here anyway is sobbing for the ending phase of Holy Ramadhan...month of kareem..month of forgiveness

soo, farewell then...As for me, it's not a proper goodbye though, because honestly, although not in favor to admit this, I haven't managed to make the good use of the blissful and prosperous opportunity to repair and fix my duty as a good servant to Allah...poor me, because I fail to help myself in preparing the 'box to hereafter' and time is running out..

In that prayer, which is the last tarawih prayer...

Imam made a special supplication that is said as a completion of the Quran recitation (30 juzu').

I can see....many makmum are crying....

even the small lads are sobbing...

the Imam supplication is heart wrenching..I told you...

His tone of sadness, hope and full of regret makes the nature mourn together in silent darkness..

it's in the prayer.....

the language is arabic, they understand everything said......

They are really into the prayer....

Now I wonder...how was my prayer....it's never like their....I'm ashamed

As I'm writing this post, I'm watching tarawih prayer from Masjidil Haram....it isn't boring at all, yes fella..the quranic recitation is very tranquil to a heart...the tv also included the meaning of each recitation in English for a complete understanding. It heals me well I think, from the unsettled worldly issues and sinful deeds I have done. Hmm, have you ever thought that a western-muslim-converter seeks islam because of the knowledge about the Islam itself....those are derived from the educated. I mean, they see Islam not through the people (as we know many are damaged and least islamic way of life) but by the study about the religion itself. Contrary to this, malay-christian-converter dragged themselves out of Islam due to the worldly reasons lay behind it. It's not about they found the real truth of one religion they want, because it offers and fulfill their wants and desire....I'm not generalizing this statement but most of the reason laid in that.

Islam serves what a human need..

It's never fulfilling their every wanting

Because....many are directed by lust...

Lust that pull people to astray

Astray is the goal of the always-loser-satan

Islam makes its people a winner

In a directed path

A directed path is always bitter, least exciting and full of test

The path, at the end of the tunnel shines with brightest light 

The light towards Jannah, the end of all misery...everlasting

p/s: A cage of butterfly in my tummy...something to do with raya perhaps

Allah knows best

Lie to Me

One step for betterment

Hey, there's something I like to share. My life is quite a blast since the past few days...erm, more than a week I guess. Credits to Tuan for the new introduction for this English drama series to me, Which in my thought is the best educational psychology based story that turn me quite into a madness =]]

LIE TO ME

My world madness :))

You surely would like this drama. It is as prestiged as CSI, NUMBERS, HOUSE and all that stuff..and way beyond to THE MENTALIST. Just a preview for you, this is a story about a wise man who devoted more than two decades in studying human microexpression-anger, contempt, disgust, genuine smile, fear, anxious and the list continue with over 6 billion of human's expression which we'll never ever known or digest. This is a man is the last person you want to meet if you're lying. He just know your ugly truth. He is a genius psychologist with an expertise in body language and predominantly microexpressions and founder of The Lightman Group, a private company that operates as an independent contractor to assist investigations of local and federal law enforcement through applied psychology. Yeah, something like that. 

Surely you'll gain something, no..many things in through this drama. You learn about people and also that

          

When you have long become a follower, you are able to catch the microexpression itself..like you got the clue you know, best tool to utilize it well.....isn't it

Hey, another fantastic thing is...you'll know if you're boyfriend is lying =]].......two eye brows pulled together, fixed eyes contact on the face, shrugged shoulder,putting hands on the neck....gotcha!! you're lying.......liar...

Can't wait for the 2nd season...

p/s: I'm going back very soon darlings....happy hols~~

Allah knows best

Two different tears (II)

One step for betterment

This post is solely for YOU...you really do. I hope this would lift the gruesome sadness over your shoulder.

You should have known that you are always the best among us. In everything you do, you will try your best and and from the moment I know you, You are the type where perfectionist is number one. Never once anything under your leadership fail to meet the success. Everyone loves the way you work and you always make it naturally. How cool is that? You are one great man. Although your life is always on the chaotic environment, still academic is under the control. You are smart in juggling time for work and study...remember that you managed to get through the every year in your study with excellence without a subject to repeat. God, with a course like usuluddin as yours...many will give a standing ovation for that. We know that even in the first year, hardly more than 20 students will pass the course. ( there's hundreds of malaysian rigth?) you should be proud of that. You done it well and congratulation again for the reward given to you. It's a priceless pride and honor. Same goes to the second year, you complained, nagged and non stop worrying that you'll meet the failure. It's a harder task unconvincingly to get the green light. At the end you made it ..Hey, smarties pants..Allah deals a good business with you...

Coming to the third year, you are matured in every way..getting busier all the day..time is your greatest enemy as it's never enough. Piles of books to study when so many works lay behind, it's a big crisis to handle. We salute the greatest effort in sacrificing your life for many people you love and care. You should understand this, God tests us according to our level of competence to handle it. He tested you and how hard does it looks in your eyes, just take it. With sincerity and opened-heart shall bless your life with serenity. God spares his blessing in disguise to every obstacle that happen in your life..and it just like now, the thing you take as a suffer right now. 

 

You have never disappoint us, And please, don't take this failure as a big fat disappointment  to shame about. You have done your best and we know it's a tough hard year to survive. It's the matter of luck I suggest and maybe you would try harder next. There's nothing to be shamed about. It happens not only you but for other people too, just because you always in the winning side..top of everything, It might be a difficult for you to handle because many expect you'll nail it again like a swift of the wind..yeah, over high expectation is a pressure too. Be patience okay. Everything is alright. It is the matter of how to handle this...your perspective about yourself and the motivation you spare in your heart. It's never about others, it's you. Nothing is ever worst than tsunami..my lecturer once said. It's minor...and we are okay with that, Instead, she also still be proud of you because she knows her boy have done his best.

Stop pouring the sad hidden tears, lamenting won't never bring changes on the fact and reality. Hold yourself tight and insya allah, you'll get through the rain. another year added will be a golden for you as there's more to explore and happiness waiting to indulge. Life is everything but easy. But never take it too hard. Enjoy the piece of life with friends and scholars over there. Nothing to regret. Nothing to despair. I always pray for your success in life and hereafter. We miss you so much.

Not to be forgotten akh kabir, congratulation to get passed the final year with beautiful color. It's awesome to get thorough everything on the time, a miracle for student like me you  know..if I were in your seat, it maybe 6 years to graduate..hahaha....can't wait for you to come home.

p/s: . Pray for mine too okay.....

Allah knows the best