The Power of Now....awakening

When life is just being dramatic

2011-04-21T00:47:00.000-07:00

One step for betterment

I hate the word busy. I restrain myself of not using the word. B-U-S-Y. I am not busy, it just that I’m loaded with lots of work. I’m easily irritated with those who claimed they are busy when in fact they are not that busy but playing with time to the last minutes work. What the...... There is time for us to arrange everything right, the matter of willingly to do it or to sacrifice something for it or not. Let say if you had a lot of work to be settled that day and still have other things to do. Why not just cut your sleeping time to manage the work. The busiest man for me is Prime Minister. If you’re a Prime Minister, indeed you’re busy. What busy meant for students is a lot different to the Prime Minister. What we do mostly studying, leisure with friends and trivial business. This goes for most students. MOST, I mean for those who didn’t have any other responsibility than be a student. Time flies fast and makes my life a little hectic. My regular routine now should be divided for time as student, faculty affairs and university affairs. The three portion of management put me into running mode all the day. With the new scheme of working, I better fix my management skills and yes, I am still learning it. To put study first, leadership now is my aim. Everything happens is with reasons and a challenge to endure. Balancing is important, yeah it is. I try my best to maintain my credibility in my work as well as my reputation as a good student. So far, I able to manage well my study..this refers to the first test done for all subjects. For the second test, I don’t really have faith what is the outcome. I am quite worried if my study now for the result may not turn up as what I wishfully hope. I only hope that I can maintain the DL since my first semester and achieve the ANC at the end of my study. I don’t care what the others accomplished in their study, I only concern mine yet, best of luck to my friends.

There is more pain and tears than happy, lovely life as a student representative. You hold back your painful feeling and taking care of others more than your life. To endure the pain alone is much more frustrating, fortunately I have my angels all along with me in joy and tears. When I feel like the whole world against you and be neglected, rejected, unwanted from others, images of my parents and family and my angels fly through my mind, just like a short film..they comfort the broken hopes and spirit to stand up and fight. I learnt a lot and blissful to be what I am today. It’s a token in life when you see the good sides of what had happened to your life. Instead of blaming the fate or cry over it, take the fate wholeheartedly and live with it is a therapy of living a meaningful life. I am aware that I had changed in some ways. I had endured many ugly, painful and being lowest state in my life. Being disrespectful, being shamed before the friends I know, being criticised so many times and having people talking behind my back never kills my spirit of living my life positively. It’s very hurtful indeed, by the more people critics and say ugly things about me, the more motivated I am. It’s a feeling where I want to improve myself to become better and to prove those people that they are wrong about me. It’s a challenge I put for me. I want to show that i am capable of what I’m doing and worth for everything I earn. I always inspired by Rain (a Korean artist) story of life. I get connected my story of life with his and how he overcome those obstacle to become the world star. Thus, he is my strength to keep on living and I must not weak. Anyway, thanks to my angels of supporting me all the way through, being a friends of mine with all my weaknesses and flaws, listen to me whenever I fully need it, aids my wound whenever it hurts painfully and most importantly, share my laugh and tears.

The Brand new way of life~~

2011-04-21T00:08:00.000-07:00

One step for betterment

It’s been two month away since I won the campus selection in my faculty. Never ever in my life I had a thought that I will be a student’s representative for my faculty. For those who had known me, they truly understand of what I meant for not to run the election in the faculty. I fully aware of my calibre and skills, many of them surpass me..much more entitled to be a student representative than I. This is the work done by the previous MPP in my faculty. They picked me although I had strictly mentioned no to and yeah, those who are actively involved with the HEP programs will be easily pick up as the candidates. I had my own reasons of joining those programs. It’s fun, I got travelled a lot to magnificent places, I enjoy for what I’m doing in those programs, meeting new people from all different faculties and most importantly, to not be regretted of not learning in depth about UiTM itself. Personally, I believe that a true UiTM student should know what is really inside UiTM and being patriotic as the university student. It simply knows the current issues circling around UiTM, the administration, why is UiTM is being ruled this way etc. In other words, don’t be ignorant-study, eats, sleep. Appreciate the chance we have while we are here. Back to the previous point, this is not my dream (of being a MPP) though but everything that had happened is a destiny God had at me. No matter how far I run from the reality, it just didn’t change the fact of me being one.

I heard a lot what people said behind my back. It’s like “what daa”, “the others are much better than her”, “why must she pfft”. Yeah, those words came from them and mostly the collegiate. I didn’t give a thought over it. My answer them is just, “if that so, why isn’t you/he/she just ran as candidates for the selection? Instead of blaming those had won which you complaint as not qualified, not in your favour, ‘alien’ etc...why don’t you give a try or persuade those potential talents to run the election. I see people talk a lot of their dissatisfaction rather than find resolution to their worry or problem. The best part is when people play two faces. You now it best right. The funny thing is they act if the person didn’t know of their regular habits of talking behind her back and pretend to be so pure and innocent like real friends. Well, it actually hurts more because those kind of people, I just don’t know which to believe about them when they be nice. Is it for real or fake. My concern now is to quickly finish of what I had started and give the best service to the faculty. It’s a responsible and burden only I know. Do the right thing, ignore the others. The title I’m having now, there is not slightest proud in it. Should I be one? Nope. It just for a year, egoistic kills a leader. I hate those who act like one and hate to be as one. Come on, there are bunches of people living with higher post are very down to earth. Be moderate in everything. Life is just that short as in the end we’re buried under the same ground.

I'm very comfortable now living this new way of life..it doesn't imply everything has been great and colourful...my days are gloomy some days..rains and shines.it's a mixture of everything that make my current state is very pleasing...

That’s for now, so long after a hiatus.

I found these words makes people want to fall in love & to be loved again

2010-11-21T11:55:00.000-08:00

One step for betterment

First of all, I would declare that these ain't my word art and this poetry/quotes/song is taken from a Hindi movie. I would comment and discuss about the movie later in the next post so if you ain't have any idea from which it is taken, you'll know it soon.

This love is a dream for every girl in this planet and with sincerity and true love may we have it. Don't want to fret further, I present you, the ecstasy.....

"the fragrance on your breath is me, how ever will you stop..not breathing?"

"I felt god himself had blessed me..when all he did was to address me"

"I don’t live a life of the selfless, nor do I grab another’s ~~wine~~…………if he has loves let he comes and declares it…to ask him... to follow him, I decline"

"I gave up complaining my master about you, for he is the most smitten by you, by far."

"Your voice is like a thunder in a storm, your smell is just like the earth after the first rain and you yourself is like a prince in a beggar clothing"

"I can’t explain the way of this market to you, he who is sold can’t ever be a buyer anew"

"The fire is in the sun but it’s the Earth that does the burning, the eyes fall in love, but it’s in the heart that does the suffering"

"Look at me up close, imbibe me in every way, just in case your fate has another card to play"

"If by mistake I have made a mistake, then please consider it a mistake and forget it. But only forget the mistake even by the mistake don’t ever forget me"

"You should love a prince, not a devil like me- it’s too late. Now this devil is my prince"

"If not for the rest of our life, we can spend the next 12 hours together, can’t we? Perhaps that’s all we have"

"Don’t come close to me, the storm will destroy you – I’m not destroyed in your storm, I am rejuvenated"

"May my life’s breath find refuge in your heart, destroyed in your love may my life depart"

"Never again will the winds be this shameless, never again will our steps falter so blameless"

"But this life without you is no life anyway"

"What if I let my heart life in your eyes? What if I close my eyes and punish your heart?"

"Our hearts are tremble when they meet, like they were never apart for even a beat"

"When I have your hands in mine, I have with me the heavens divine"

"I have given you a lot of pain, still I am asking you to fill my wounds but I stand before you with the hope that you will forgive me"

"My breath was incomplete, heartbeat was incomplete, incomplete was I..Now the moon is full, complete in the sky and now with you complete am I"

p/s: Now you're scared

Allah knows best

Perfect Flaws..A reason to double the love shot

2010-11-10T23:04:00.000-08:00

One step for betterment

This isn't an intended lame joke...We naturally cracks it and the fun isn't belong to yours definitely...it's ours..

Script 1

Maryam : aaliyah mati sbb pesawat trhmpas..
Tikah : owh dia mati 4-5 thn lps..sbb pe?cancer ke?

pfft...=p

Script 2

Maryam : tikah, cite anaconda da x?
Tikah : ha?cite aruna?

Script 3

mak reen : maryam tahu tak ni ulam apa?
maryam : ah, tak tahu.
mak reen : ni tenggek burung
maryam : haa...eek uu??
(dalam byk2 huruf dlm tuh eek ngan uu jer dia dengar??)

Script 4

maryam : farah, ubat 2 wrna kuning
farah : eh xla, farah x pening

Script 5

apek : nk plstik cover x?
farah : owh, xpe..
* sbnrnya apek 2 tnya bdk lain nk binding n nk buh cover plastik x.Mase tuh reen ngan maryam kat sebelah kot

Script 6

pekedai : nk plastik x?
reen : sama2..dh byr dh td..

Script 7

maryam : jom tipon Sahol
bazla : bleh je klu nak 2nd round..
maryam : eh x nk la repeat.
bazla : eh xla..bleh je nk mndi 2nd round.
maryam : ha?
bazla : ha la, kn nak main sabun

Script 8

tikah : bpe bungkus ni?
farah : gna 2 kari, 1 ayam
tikah : owh, bape bungkus ni?
farah : 2 kari, 1 ayam ( secara perlahan 20 km/j)
p/s: bahana nk save saliva n masa..

Script 9

reen : tayammum 2 pkai debu tanah yg suci kn. nape taymmum kna pkai debu?
tikah : sbb debu sumber yg xkn abes , bak kata ust fauzi.
reen : klu ujan, mcm mna nak cri debu?

* Krikit-krikit ( sume perah otak fikir kot)
maryam :klu ujan xyah la tayammum

(rase suma cam bongok sgt)

P/s: Seha ngan najah, jaga la korang, tk lame gi msk gak dlm list cript nih =p

Allah knows best

You & I together

2010-11-10T22:43:00.000-08:00

One step for betterment

It just an updates about us.....We've been together since that and I always pray for the togetherness now and hereafter.....Some updates about us will then unleash the memory we shared...there's many ups and downs in the sailing boat, we laugh like witches and we cried like a baby. The hard times is tough to endure and it's painful but we have believe and trust, a trust that people change, You & I changed for the better and I am thankful for you in believing in me and never give up. I have had my swings and yours. We know it's a challenge to please us but we know we tried our best, thus we survived. This is a my pouring heart to heart, I might never able to said it verbally but I hope this writing will let you know how I really felt. I'm blessed for this togetherness.

Well, yeah, the updates.

We have gone for goood just after the Educational Psychology exam at the end of the day. It's all well planned since days before that. We are going to hit Alamanda Putrjaya for the celebration. (i still have one final paper..=p ). I have never beeen there and we planned for enjoy the eateries and bowling. Well, that's the plan. So, after the prayer, off we go.

It took us about 1 hour to reach Alamanda Putrajaya. It's a breath taking nature beauty for a city like this. I want to have a house there.hhehe..we are totally in a great hunger, seriously like haven't eating since morning and having the first meal of the day is just like living again after the death. we ate sizzling yee mee and some juice. w fancy to try a bite for the famous waffle. (we did't make it, kenyang sangat makan tadi).

Unfortunately for us, the bowling center is full and there's a tournament to be held after the 8.00pm. All the way to here is for bowl and Alamanda let us down. Thinking of the other alternatives....movies....erk, nope, definitely just wasting all the money and fuel just to glued our eyes on the big stupid screen. =p. So, we decided to go to arcade and have some fun there. Haaha.....the little kids we've become...I've never played it before and it's quite fun..just for some minutes but it's fun. Then, finally we decided to take a walk around the area of Putrajaya...It think Luck didn't charm us that night..All the street light were off leaving just the main lamps just to light the road..man, my friends said the best part of Putrajaya is the night view with the sort of fancy street lamps and the fountain. And we didn't get both. How interesting is that, all the way to this place.

The climax of our activity, out of the box and my thinking...was playing at the playground..and walk near the lake.yeap..it's dark and cold night.....but we found that it's the finest entertainment for us.....again, all the way from shah alam just for a playground??? hehe, dumbstruck. But, that's it. Maybe there's next time and by that time, no plan! coz it's surely crashed. Yeah, I haven't yet mention that it's our third attempt to go bowling. Some days ago we planned to go Ole-Ole for bowling but it's full...then we straightly changed our location and went to Sunway. (it's quite pricey but still affordable for us)....then what, there was a tournament held and end up us to a casual hang out and food catch at Laksa Shack. See, patah la hati....

here some of our pics~!!

AT THE LAKE.....=]

AT THE LAKE

I can't bear to show the pics at the playground.....hehe....let it just be our memory... :)

Hey, thanks darlings...I am appreciated.

Allah knows best

Security seems far from good

2010-10-26T00:16:00.000-07:00

One step for betterment

We are already in the exam mood.It started yesterday.people are busying themselves with books and notes here and there but us..still attending classes. Like today, educational psychology class...my lecturer made all the 3 groups in to be in the hall for some lecture (last lecture) and distributing he on going marks...And I keep saying this to people

IT'S A TESL BATCH GATHERING WITHOUT SNACKS &DRINKS =]

because we've never have lecture in class with all three groups in one time....for this semester. so it's like a tesl gathering...pre gathering before the final

my exam dates are just like a "toto" number:

3138

which are......

31/10 - Applied phonetic & phonology

3/11 - Educational psychology

8/10 - Micro-counselling

wish me and all my friends for 'najah' with excellence in the exam.....

as I've checked the list of on going marks I've gotten...it's not a satisfying result....I screwed up a lot and 3.5 didn't seems to securely safe in my palm for this semester......I don't have too much expectation for my future result...only hoping to maintain the 3.5 pointer....Ya rabb, yassir wala tua'ssir fil imtihan3x...AMEEN

Allah knows best

p/s: i'm freaking scared at the moment

The sky is bright and so is the life

2010-10-21T18:10:00.000-07:00

One step for betterment

I've read a wonderful post from my friends' blog..I'm very delight to see that how Allah bring his light to a person through a person..the person must be one amazing being. You know, when a life is touched by someone to reform into such a positive, better way...the person is something..May Allah lay His endless blessing to her in touching one's heart to be nearer to Allah...One thing we should believe...God is equal..He settled us upon something or with something/someone for a reason..which will turn out for good or bad. but nevertheless, if it is something bad...there should be a blessing in disguise...people CAN change..The good might turns bad in 10 years time....and vice versa....the most challenge part is when someone wants to be become a better/good person...there will be a tricky way...and varied test of patience and Iman....like..for friends...some..little of them might look at one like a jerk...with a look like "yeah right..i don't believe in you to be thaaat good"...Ouch.. some will also will try to their best in ensuring that the person still belong to their group of people....

Man, He tested us in many way..not to kill the spirit but as a test to see how deep is the desire to become the man of the religion...with firm belief and faith in Allah.. whatever it is...good friends will celebrate his/her friend's reformation for good and with many prayers to Allah..may He will give strength to him/her and for us to be always in Mardhatillah...

'Dinul Islam Abadan Abada'

Allah knows Best

p/s: I still wonder how the person knows my blog and read about the post..i'll never deliver the hate post again...for good. I'll take your critics for good but it still a mystery how on earth you know my blog. the bottom of it..I'm no longer mad at you....I've delivered the company's proposal according to the list you gave me....so, just stop shouting at me again. =]

say hello~!

2010-10-19T19:43:00.000-07:00

One step for betterment

We can never satisfied every soul for liking us...not everybody will be liking the way we are....
if we keep listen to others to be what they want us to be..what's the real point of living your life?

when I got mad to someone....it's not to be forever....people can forever hate me as their wish and I'll give and the one who is offended is (sapa mkn cili dia rasa pedas)..

i guess it's better to ignored those and be what you always should be....

if I ever hurt anyone...sorry..I'll try to fix it if i'm the one who did mistakes....
haha....love me hate me say what you want about me.....my friends know me best~!

HATE

2010-10-17T00:13:00.000-07:00

One step for betterment

Hating you from the bottom of the heart

i wish not to see your face for the rest of my life...ever again..

Hate your eyes when you looked at me when talking....

as if I'm a pest, and you're the holier.....

don't you ever dare to talk to me again...

with that tone and look...i'll be forever hating you...

no peace for us for now

A guitar and the song

2010-10-12T23:37:00.000-07:00

One step for betterment

Last night and the rest of the day will specially stored as most memorable, blissful life for me...Enjoy much of your present and most off all, the many unknown things you've well sealed.....and successfully discovered.

the first strum of your guitar..it left me in awe....and you're keep saying not really good at it...my..stop talking rubbish...it's an extraordinary talent I've met..this is another, you can't read chord...but a wonderful guitarist..you are as special as the way you are... annnnnd just another amazing person I've met. thanks for the song and the guitar...it's sweet..real sweet...if you've realized or not, many hearts have touched by you and yeah, hoping to hear your compose again =]]]

you're so shy and it's doubling mine

p/s: I'll keep this as secret..no one will know a scratch 'bout this. ^^,

Allah Knows Best

stop whining people

2010-10-10T22:49:00.000-07:00

One step for betterment

Weekend would be the best for a study break out.....and I'm sipping every moment with it..
I went to KL for a visit to my uncle house + open house+ hanging out with some friends and cousins..it was on Saturday...only by late at night, I had arrived to Shah Alam...overnight at 21's house due to the late night arrival. thanks to their company, we didn't slept until it was 2am..Erm...lots of updates to catch up. Early in the morning, I went for a breakfast with 21, as the others still snoozing (tk bangun dari kubur lagi =] ) .Only an hour after that, I walk back to my house....not that early morning breeze.

The next day, together with my house mates, we convoyed to Reen's as she is having an open house. Thanks god I wasn't at home last night, Reen, Yam and Farah were camping at Reen's for that purpose..our house surely a creepy old antic boring rented house without their presence. Man, I love convoy..together, 3 cars tailed and Khai's is the most outrageous i think..the satria neo with turbo engine was a cool wheel to ride on the highway..
reaching her house, we ate everything eyes could roll at. cranky jokes really killing us with madness laughter...her mom joined the crowd as well! Owh my,....stories after stories...we just can't stop laughing, hardly breathing. it was a magnificent Sunday for me and for others as well.

Hey, many are whining around about their piles of unsettled assignment.....there isn't that much if you start early...for someone over there...stop using the excuse of settling assignment to stay up /overnight at McD or anywhere else....because you haven't settled anything...as what my eyes could see...a lot of distraction is the big deal...my advice, go to somewhere you can focus to do work but not something else...good luck...
(the other people also attached to many commitment.....but that's not an excuse of not settling academic work)

Amazing people...Amazing life....Expected challenges.....

p/s: good luck in exam people!!

Allah knows best

Believe in my destiny

2010-10-09T06:50:00.000-07:00

One step for betterment

My heart beats..with unusual beating....
whatever it's called....
I'm thinking of..

....getting married

I really know it's worth waiting....may Allah takes me into another beautiful phase of life....
again....I believe...it's really worth waiting

=]]

Allah knows best

200th ...and never have enough

2010-10-08T02:15:00.000-07:00

One step for betterment

The one I'm currently writing is officially my 200th post..Impressed?? bigger than a dot. I rarely updates my blog and there's isn't a reason for that..most of the time whenever I feel the urge to pen something, the lappy isn't with me and the idea just floating..circling as the inner thought..

I'm running out of my time doing many of my favourite part time job- Roti Impit Ayamas at the faculty, also as a fully in charge of the head of Sponsorship department in "THE COOK" tour which will be held insya allah early next year at UKM..we only have precisely 3 months left before the due date. For further understanding what the heck of this program is...asks the holy google who always answer everything. Apart of this, there's still a few assignments left....and time is running out...

I have settled:

a) Phonetic transcription project....(my part)

b) counseling verbatim (as same as drama script)..

c) Report Writing (my part)

I haven't yet settle:

a) Arabic drama script...few amendment to be done as advised by the lecturer

b) Educational psychology case study

As I had mentioned, "my part". This means that in order to settle everything, I have to wait for the others to compiled a complete work. I hope everyone is doing their job and best in stealing time for accomplishing the assignment. I want us to get great score to secure the fortune A.

As for my course, I haven't yet become a top scorer student, didn't crave for it but if getting one is the full icing on the cake. I'm just the moderate...like still a fortunate dean's list receiver..What is the most important to me is to maintain the 3.5 CGPA. Least interest in racing for a 4.00 pointer. "five-point someone" is the best novel that have changed and awaken my perspective towards the aim in academic lane. To fully enjoy your life as student and really learn the entire course is far more important that mugging books for the sake of A+ and zero knowledge in it. Many of us just like a machine....pressured by the fact of learning something new because it means more to cram and even much memorize..we aren't pressure cooker, take it easy people.

Another thing about academic life....many of us are one real brainy....in disguise or clearly portrayed. for those who are vividly known as the intelligent, I pay no attention for their best performance as I know it's them...but one that I really adore is the hush hush brilliant that rarely or never get the spotlight. They are the type that what I call "the silencer" ..the.one speak less and listen more....even some might be labelled as the passive and loser with the capital L..lord..you'll be freakin' surprise how they shine in tests..simply said, they nearly beat the top scorers.....how was that? when it comes from "the silencer", it was celebrated with a huge applause..from us....they are one great brainy man..no one hardly notice their presence, but a starlight they have become. one great thing about them too is they are not bothered to scream the victory...not even fussy to boast around telling the world how great the marks they nailed. I like the down to earth attitude and people like you even more when you're modest with the exceptional talent. there's one big lesson lies behind

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE UNDER PERFORMER FOR THAT'S WHAT WE THINK THEY ARE.

THE HOLY GREATNESS FROM "THE SILENCER" PROVED THEORY OF THE BRILLIANCE ISN'T FOR THOSE WHO SPEAKS MOST OF THE TIME. IT IS FOR ONE WHO THINK MOST OF THE TIME.

Kudos to ilman, zuhairi for their outstanding marks in phonetic and phonology and not to forget..educational psychology. Have you read their answer? you should have done it..

me?? I'm satisfied with mine...but..but...I'm not the top scorer...hehe.

Allah knows best

p/s: I skipped an international tennis tournament invitation where the ticket price is RM169..I heard Jay Shawn and other big stars are performing....well, who cares..it's them who're famous, not me...I wish I could give my ticket to you if you're one BIG tennis fan...(how on earth I got it? thanks to KESAT)

My ugly story..which belong to theirs

2010-10-06T01:17:00.000-07:00

One step for betterment

My heart rains....but who knows

Whatttttttttttttttt......

I want to rant lots of thing..

off from this page please if you think you are the one I'm gonna bite

Mind of nauseated words you've never heard of before...

Best to pour everything here as if I'm not, I'll stuck forever with this such suck/infuriating/ feeling...It pealed me off~~

hush..........this isn't juicy gossips to tell the world...mind your own business anyway

patience isn't the best virtue this time

What a friendship is about? i think I almost unrecognized the significance of best/good friend. there's no more for us....maybe we better of this way...having a boyfriend quite a huge concrete wall for our togetherness. Like, you want more and more time spending with him, leaving of alone..on the beginning, I thought I'm okay with that...like, yeah, go for it...I don't mind..even though deep inside I surely upset someone had stealing the precious I love most...days past...months left..I realized she isn't into us anymore, it's all about him...somehow I am stored in the recycle bin memory..Jealousy?? Only god knows. I like the guy and I adore their love bond....but, I damned hurt....neglected and pushed away...nak ajak keluar hujung minggu pun da susah...sebab nak kena fikir pasal si dia takut nanti kot2 dia nak ajak keluar....kalau tak dulu boleh jer, gi mydin ke, giant ke same2...tapi sekarang,suma dengan dia....sapa tak kecil hati....I tak pernah cakap, hurm...sebb tak tercapai akal kot....sayang dia...tak nak dia kecil hati..rasa kekadang macam mengada jugak..tapi memang itu yang dirasa...kami dah jauh....

kekadang agak kurang berkenan dengan buah hati tu..sebab dia suka nk pegang tangan kawan I....biasa lah lelaki, their intertwined their fingers for he asking for it...she knew I didn't really much like it (da pesan dah..kalo kapel..kalo boleh tak yah la pegang tangan)...but's you know, it's quite hard to resist or say no if the one you love whisper the song of love to you....of course it's irresistible....(for some). okay, nak wat camna,biar lah camtu, dah suka sama suka..I'm off the line. she changed quiet a lot...so do I..hurm..I hope she is more like the old days....well, maybe she might think the same about me...I think we both hurt but didn't say anything about it, let it rottens ourselves up. I lead my own path...it might be better to explore more out there... independence is my stick to help me walk....through the hardness of bitter reality. Just move in then...I guess...still, how can I hate her, love is still there although it isn't the same anymore....

Next, it's also about a girl...just another girl. obsession towards anything she likes. She is rather someone with obsessive compulsive disorder...towards the living. Owh my, I know that some people won't be easy with me and try as much of avoiding me for our own good...(this make me sound like devil? I dunno). Here's one uphill request for her..."let the one who you like a lot get her own space too...if she wants to be close to any friends she loves, let her be...it's pity to see her stuck almost every moment with you"...quite a control freak. Tak perlu lah nak tarik muka masam cam **nuk hanya sebab tak dapat ikut kawan yang dia raapppaaat sangat....rimas.

hurm....more freak things I said about another, makes me even uglier....

I should stop......for now

Raya aidilfitri 2010

2010-09-21T03:39:00.000-07:00

One step for betterment

Hari Raya terbaik sepanjang zaman. Satu ungkapan yang boleh menjelaskan sambutan syawal kali ini...alhamdulillah opah sangat sihat dan masih muda ceria, sengal pon ada..walaupun dah mencecah umur 79 tahun tahun nih..ya, opah saya..Mahiyah Binti Alang Ahmad, sangat dekat di hati=]


opah teridur kejap...hehe mane ade

potret keluarga 7 orang dari 12 beradik

Apa yang menyebabkan raya tahun nie sangat bermakna?? Jom selongkar....

1. Opah masak lemang fan dodol durian yg sangat lah sedap....bakar lemang dua kali yer....ngan cucu2 sekali

2. Orang pahang semuanya balik kampung. susah diorang nak balik sebab kilang roti yg nak kena jaga tuh..tapi tahun nie syukur semua dapat balik..siap bawak ikan patin berekor2 lagi...segar dari pahang...woww..tambah pulak dengan suma pastri dan roti dari kilang....heaven!! roti oh roti

3. Acik udin (bju kuning gelap) bru ja dapat baby girl. anak merdeka~!!! tahniah..anak sulung tuh

4. Tahun ni suma famili tangkap gambar keluarga setiap satu...wat rakaman ala2 tv 9 la...kte kak syahrul nak antar kat angah n along bila siap edit nanti =]].....

5. Banyak 'updates' berjaya dikumpulkan dengan semua sepupu sepapat tuh~!!

6. Jumpa Eby (dalam pangkuan ..), Alif, alia, syafiza...dan si kenit si kenit yang laen...jadi baby sitter =]]..

7. Rasa ikatan keluarga ini setakat inilah...membahagiakn....seronok sangat. rumah kecoh tk berhenti2...maklumlah ramai suara versi loud speaker..

Eby dah makin besar,dia la yang paling tikah sayang, seronok sembang ngan budak ni, bijak...aish, geram p0n ade jgak..comel sangat....

kalau kat umah opah abis gula-isytihar darurat la jawabnya...mana tak mau, stok 20Kg pon tk cukup nk gna wat air oren sunquick....keluarga besar...memang camtuh...
tak kisah la baju baru atau tidak, tak kisah la ada lemang ke tidak sebab yang paling penting semua dapat kumpul bersama2....

sebab kita tak tahu, bila mungkn ajal kita nanti, mungkin kita, mungkin mereka pergi dulu, sayangilah yang tersayang selagi hayat di kandung badan..

SALAM AIDILFITRI. MAAF ZAHIR BATIN

p/s: akan lebih kerap menggunakan bahasa ibunda kelak~!

Allah knows best

Awaken

2010-09-07T13:20:00.000-07:00

One step for betterment

In the sheer rejoice of holiday season....plus, Raya celebration

I know, many of muslim out there and maybe here anyway is sobbing for the ending phase of Holy Ramadhan...month of kareem..month of forgiveness

soo, farewell then...As for me, it's not a proper goodbye though, because honestly, although not in favor to admit this, I haven't managed to make the good use of the blissful and prosperous opportunity to repair and fix my duty as a good servant to Allah...poor me, because I fail to help myself in preparing the 'box to hereafter' and time is running out..

In that prayer, which is the last tarawih prayer...

Imam made a special supplication that is said as a completion of the Quran recitation (30 juzu').

I can see....many makmum are crying....

even the small lads are sobbing...

the Imam supplication is heart wrenching..I told you...

His tone of sadness, hope and full of regret makes the nature mourn together in silent darkness..

it's in the prayer.....

the language is arabic, they understand everything said......

They are really into the prayer....

Now I wonder...how was my prayer....it's never like their....I'm ashamed

As I'm writing this post, I'm watching tarawih prayer from Masjidil Haram....it isn't boring at all, yes fella..the quranic recitation is very tranquil to a heart...the tv also included the meaning of each recitation in English for a complete understanding. It heals me well I think, from the unsettled worldly issues and sinful deeds I have done. Hmm, have you ever thought that a western-muslim-converter seeks islam because of the knowledge about the Islam itself....those are derived from the educated. I mean, they see Islam not through the people (as we know many are damaged and least islamic way of life) but by the study about the religion itself. Contrary to this, malay-christian-converter dragged themselves out of Islam due to the worldly reasons lay behind it. It's not about they found the real truth of one religion they want, because it offers and fulfill their wants and desire....I'm not generalizing this statement but most of the reason laid in that.

Islam serves what a human need..

It's never fulfilling their every wanting

Because....many are directed by lust...

Lust that pull people to astray

Astray is the goal of the always-loser-satan

Islam makes its people a winner

In a directed path

A directed path is always bitter, least exciting and full of test

The path, at the end of the tunnel shines with brightest light

The light towards Jannah, the end of all misery...everlasting

p/s: A cage of butterfly in my tummy...something to do with raya perhaps

Allah knows best

Lie to Me

2010-09-01T18:30:00.000-07:00

One step for betterment

Hey, there's something I like to share. My life is quite a blast since the past few days...erm, more than a week I guess. Credits to Tuan for the new introduction for this English drama series to me, Which in my thought is the best educational psychology based story that turn me quite into a madness =]]

LIE TO ME

My world madness :))

You surely would like this drama. It is as prestiged as CSI, NUMBERS, HOUSE and all that stuff..and way beyond to THE MENTALIST. Just a preview for you, this is a story about a wise man who devoted more than two decades in studying human microexpression-anger, contempt, disgust, genuine smile, fear, anxious and the list continue with over 6 billion of human's expression which we'll never ever known or digest. This is a man is the last person you want to meet if you're lying. He just know your ugly truth. He is a genius psychologist with an expertise in body language and predominantly microexpressions and founder of The Lightman Group, a private company that operates as an independent contractor to assist investigations of local and federal law enforcement through applied psychology. Yeah, something like that.

Surely you'll gain something, no..many things in through this drama. You learn about people and also that

When you have long become a follower, you are able to catch the microexpression itself..like you got the clue you know, best tool to utilize it well.....isn't it

Hey, another fantastic thing is...you'll know if you're boyfriend is lying =]].......two eye brows pulled together, fixed eyes contact on the face, shrugged shoulder,putting hands on the neck....gotcha!! you're lying.......liar...

Can't wait for the 2nd season...

p/s: I'm going back very soon darlings....happy hols~~

Allah knows best

Two different tears (II)

2010-08-27T22:54:00.000-07:00

One step for betterment

This post is solely for YOU...you really do. I hope this would lift the gruesome sadness over your shoulder.

You should have known that you are always the best among us. In everything you do, you will try your best and and from the moment I know you, You are the type where perfectionist is number one. Never once anything under your leadership fail to meet the success. Everyone loves the way you work and you always make it naturally. How cool is that? You are one great man. Although your life is always on the chaotic environment, still academic is under the control. You are smart in juggling time for work and study...remember that you managed to get through the every year in your study with excellence without a subject to repeat. God, with a course like usuluddin as yours...many will give a standing ovation for that. We know that even in the first year, hardly more than 20 students will pass the course. ( there's hundreds of malaysian rigth?) you should be proud of that. You done it well and congratulation again for the reward given to you. It's a priceless pride and honor. Same goes to the second year, you complained, nagged and non stop worrying that you'll meet the failure. It's a harder task unconvincingly to get the green light. At the end you made it ..Hey, smarties pants..Allah deals a good business with you...

Coming to the third year, you are matured in every way..getting busier all the day..time is your greatest enemy as it's never enough. Piles of books to study when so many works lay behind, it's a big crisis to handle. We salute the greatest effort in sacrificing your life for many people you love and care. You should understand this, God tests us according to our level of competence to handle it. He tested you and how hard does it looks in your eyes, just take it. With sincerity and opened-heart shall bless your life with serenity. God spares his blessing in disguise to every obstacle that happen in your life..and it just like now, the thing you take as a suffer right now.

You have never disappoint us, And please, don't take this failure as a big fat disappointment to shame about. You have done your best and we know it's a tough hard year to survive. It's the matter of luck I suggest and maybe you would try harder next. There's nothing to be shamed about. It happens not only you but for other people too, just because you always in the winning side..top of everything, It might be a difficult for you to handle because many expect you'll nail it again like a swift of the wind..yeah, over high expectation is a pressure too. Be patience okay. Everything is alright. It is the matter of how to handle this...your perspective about yourself and the motivation you spare in your heart. It's never about others, it's you. Nothing is ever worst than tsunami..my lecturer once said. It's minor...and we are okay with that, Instead, she also still be proud of you because she knows her boy have done his best.

Stop pouring the sad hidden tears, lamenting won't never bring changes on the fact and reality. Hold yourself tight and insya allah, you'll get through the rain. another year added will be a golden for you as there's more to explore and happiness waiting to indulge. Life is everything but easy. But never take it too hard. Enjoy the piece of life with friends and scholars over there. Nothing to regret. Nothing to despair. I always pray for your success in life and hereafter. We miss you so much.

Not to be forgotten akh kabir, congratulation to get passed the final year with beautiful color. It's awesome to get thorough everything on the time, a miracle for student like me you know..if I were in your seat, it maybe 6 years to graduate..hahaha....can't wait for you to come home.

p/s: . Pray for mine too okay.....

Allah knows the best

Two different tears

2010-08-22T21:16:00.000-07:00

One step for betterment

for every drop of tears filled with laughter, at the end of the hour, only sorrowness and deaf loneliness filled the night.

I shall call this two different tears

in the midst of the enjoyment celebrating and rejoicing other people happiness, a grip of sorrow and grief circling the body as well as the soul.

Is it bad to envy seeing how others life were so celebrated and in a bed of roses without thorns?

the envious feeling urges me to think that way. It isn't that I'm didn't glad seeing other's blessing and blissful life, I do happy for them utmost as they have almost grip everything I might am living without. sincerely, they are lucky, the fortunate, the blissful soul.

It does feel good to see how a person is being cared and attended to. In whatever problems, dilemma or crisis or anything, there are always somebody to lean head on the shoulder and to talk with. the presence is noticeable and the words and jokes are worth to listen with. Everything goes naturally and the best part is, looking through the eyes with a serene, pleasurable kindness as if saying I'm glad you're here with us.

It does feel good when a person appreciate and celebrate the presence with tenderness and joy, as if one is not there, birds wouldn't sing, sun loses it's brightness, leaves fallen off tree and life is nothing but empty.

They are sure to be the fortunate to really have those in life and may their presence in life is appreciated because if they don't I would like to tell many are dying to feel the way they are living their life, and it isn't a bargain when money won't make the deal. It's something you can never buy, it's something earned from people. The audacity of hope to be as what I would want to perceive is a dream. Deal with reality so it won't be a big upsetting result.

Never celebrate 'the B day' with crowds before and it surely be something awfully awkward to have that. It's weird for me and not used to it.

p/s: Angah, I'll try my best to collect donation for your program. Hoping friends in the faculty will there to help financially. RM50 isn't that much for the rich right?? Get well soon and I'll sweep away the worry...Good luck

Allah knows best

A holy month

2010-08-15T03:48:00.000-07:00

One step for betterment

A holy month should makes a person holier....

A holy month should drives a muslim for a better BEING if a better MUSLIM is a hard task

A holy month should be celebrated with joyous tranquility for worshiping ALLAH, greater rewards is promised

A holy month should make a daughter faithfully loyal to her parents, extend her loves beyond herself..

A holy month should serve a big deal of compassion to everyone..less temper more patience

A holy month should be taken as a whole, for it's a last ramadhan we unsure to meet again

A holy month should be respected and celebrated, with tonnes of dua'a, salah, small deeds, sadaqah, and good saying.

Our body is fasting, our mind is fasting, our soul is fasting, all the organ are fasting. whenever we talk dirty or talk bad or gossips on others, we reduced the fasting rewards, gain the sins, whenever we fasting without completing the 5 times prayer, we are jaheel.. whatever we think and have in our mind must be clean, whatever blue, yellow or grey movies come in the mind, should be deleted from the hard disk..mind our talk, mind our manner, mind our thought...mind our eyes and ears. May this will be a message for ME and for US....i remember,

USTAZ HASRIZAL once said-

"to send a message, be the message"

i try to fix myself....i really do...a small step at a time.

p/s: angah, along, I'll try my best to settle the sponsorship okay...luv ya soO much!!

The scenes of Ramadhan

2010-08-11T19:46:00.000-07:00

One step for betterment

Ramadhan Mubarak alaik~!!

In the Scenes of Ramadhan.........

In the eagerness of celebrating ramadhan, I have encountered several AHAA moments just few day sheer celebration before the holy month. It never a joke gentlemen, but those scenes are the unwanted yet unexpected pre-ramadhan celebration I would like to know. This is a monkey business..

Raya's songs is tuning here and there

Oh..oh..oh..oh..oh..oh..oh..oh..oh....oh...oh My GOD!

this is nasty everyone! What's on their thinking of tuning this kind of songs in the business centre. Don't you not even have a heart of being excited celebrating the fasting month..How rude..how cold...you pissed me off...not even the shopper...I even found some of my OWN friends singing Raya's song saved in their list of MP3 in the laptop..Hey, hey,hey, Don't be like this okay, I know the melodramatic 'balik kampung', 'Di hari Raya' and 'Salam Lebaran' swaying your heart to your kampung and parents...but hello, isn't this is rude and shows the least respect to the religion when you have more concern on Syawal compared to Ramadhan? It should never be like this. I'm totally frustrated and disappointed. FULL STOP.

A false move behind Islam

As this one beautilicious girl stepped into the class, the exchanged looks from many people glued my eyes on her. Well..well...well...a transformation from head to neck..looking her with the new image and self-concept at the edge of ramadhan left NOT only me, but many with disappointment and Big Big shock. She's now officially without hijab and veil on her head. Buzzing gossips exchanged just by the eyes contact and body signals. Hey, gossips are not only spread verbally okay. None of our classmates were confronting her which is a wise decision. It might be a huge humiliation to her and lowering her respectable good image. It's easier to say it lest us in awe of speechless state of action. I regard her as my good Friend and so is she. she said that she didn't mind of being bashed up verbally by me to see her with the new her, because she said she knows my view of this and sha can accpet it. But..but..but..if teh gay guys saying something like this, then she'll turn into red bull becasue knowing the content of the message is just irrelevant with the group like them and thus htey actually lay no concern about the religion but only for their full satisfaction...eww..loathsome. I never want to bashed her..not my type..but I will try to figure something out. We had a heart -to-heart talking when I lashed out all my views and opinion (not all...not really,i didn't managed talk much =]) to her and the buzz from peers and friends. She stated her reasons and replied mine. By that I know there are two possible stands here;

1. to avoid from being called fitnah agama as wearing the veil On and OFF will degrade the islam religion on other people's eye. Knowing that she is never fully applied the hijab all the time lest her in dilemma if she should be like what she wants or stay put her veil seasonally

2. To stay putting the hijab as it is the practice for a fully duty wearing tudung regardless whatever people say. To have strong stand of doing what islam wants although the practice does not happen the entire day. At least, she's trying to put it although it's only occasional.

See, there are two prominent sayings here. Anything to be chosen is with a solid reason. I know. From my view, i am more towards the second one, the practice of cover a full hijab is never an easy task. Simply said like learning a prayer..it is always with force when we were little..but now..it's a custom we know we can never leave..everything will start with a force..and in Islam anything which is highly obligated and a must should be practiced by force if willingness never comes...because although without sincerity, the deadly sins have been secured safely from GOD..please understand it...and learn from it......

...the same goes to wearing socks too....this month is a good practice for it right~!! come on..may allah bless an easy way of driving towards mardhatillah~~

Here is something out of topic...I am OVERLY DESPISE seeing guy(s)..being horny in words, physical and manners...don't you ever think that we..your felow friends like all the poll dancing -like drama and disgusted loathsome ugly dances..we never are..I'm totally sick of it and so are others...though without verbally, our ignorance of loads of your dancing-like action should let you know well...be civilized a bit okay...we already lost half of the respect to you guys, and trying to secure the remaining...that's why you're lonely. we are still kind enough to regard you as a fellow human. thank you..
sorry for being so directed and bullet-mouth.

p/s: Chatted with angah and along both at the same time was so AHA moments to me!! Happy ramadhan uols~~

Allah knows best

Tonnes mile ahead

2010-08-05T21:44:00.000-07:00

One step for betterment
Tho loads of work and commitment excruciating the energy beyond the limit, this is the way of life have I choosen. I remember madam K (I insisted her to write a book,apart form journals and articles) once mentioned to enjoy a university life as a student being to the fullest, drive a career to the highest achievable level while young before reserve the remain of the life to one what we call FAMILY. Serve the fullest potential to oneself before shifting life commitment with the loved ones....namely the hubby and babies..sweet~!! So then, there's nothing to regret about in life when everything desired and dreamed have been accomplished meaningfully and satisfyingly.

Here is the schedule of the week for NOR ATIKAH BINTI AZNAN whose have flexible timetable..not-so called busy...excuse me~~
1.Latihan PERKAD (pertandingan kawad) at padang kawad Uitm Induk. 5-7pm and 8.30 -11.00pm.
I have a least interest for participating in this tournament because it's really scorching hot marching under the heat of the sun and sunburn...like I'm the fairest of all lady (sarcastically). I didn't like nor hate it, but if course this is under my total control of joining the extremely tiring 'exercise'. Looking at the good side of it, my body become even healthier as having a consistent, regular jogging circling padang kawad TWICE..it improves my stamina and the biggest prayer I plead is to lose weigh. Hopes that I would lose around 2-3 kilos this time. At first, for my peeps whose staying in sek.17 encountering a micro dilemma for transportation. It is okay to go there, but to get back where we live, that's a huge challenge to solve. If we didn't managed to get bus by 10.40pm, surely cab will be the loyal transporter. it's not a waste of money to go and fro by cab,it's -INVESTMENT. there's one night where the five of us;sheila, azim, teha, thirah (tyra) and me myself did something out of the thinking but because it left us no choice, we had to do it, precise timing, at night-to walk all the way from sec.2 to sec.17. Roughly it's like from Pekan Rabu to Jalan Pegawai (for dearie maahadians). IT's a long long night for us the fabulous five. Cab didn't want to take us for 5 persons in a car is not allowed. Final decision, we had to make it...I have never done this I told them...but it's okay because we were five members......and went to marching practice the entire night...it's a co-curriculum activity to be attended and not a kind of 'kutu rayau' wandering along the street. Above all, we laugh alot..exchanged stories and laugh again..jus to keep us moving joyfully...smile......no stress. Anyway, we'll be on the battle this Sunday..pray for us. (tk nak masuk dah pasni..tk larat daa)

2. Program Fidyah Ramadhan
This is the program organized by PMFP, a prominent society in my faculty. As the head of director, I am responsible to cater from scratch and ensure the many thing is okay on the day. Many thanks to Kak Adila for guiding me in doing this project. It's not a so DIVA and MEGA project,just a small one. Thus, this is nothing for you whom have organized zillions of project before. I'm a toddler still...many to learn. We had a preach by ustaz aminuddin and the opening of Fidyah counter at Dewan Seminar Intec. It went like the way we planned..Alhamdulillah..

3. Part time job

4. Study and revise the hard core subjects where they've been abondon for quite some times.. phonetics and phonology as well as educational counselling

that's all for me now.
p/s: angah, jgn marah ye kak cik blik rumah lewat...hari nie last...sorry =]
Allah knows best.

When life get busy, life is happy..for me

2010-08-02T00:45:00.000-07:00

One step for betterment

It left us almost two weeks ahead before ramadhan. I just noticed that by looking at my calendar. life is good for now and always wish for a better day tomorrow. I had had my first and last tournament for SAF (sukan antara fakulti) yesterday which is surely Kayak...yepp darlings~~ i'm joining and choosing kayak instead of badminton, table tennis or volleyball. This is something not only out of my skill but out of the box, mind you...for women's team, we scored forth place and for men's team, third place. I did well in my practice although i'm kind of a toddler in the teammates. unfortunately, I was disqualified just before the race because i fell into the lake...it was a bad luck for me,yet devastated...i nearly drown into the water as well as the sinking heart knowing the fact I couldn't make into the race. well, never mind to ask how's the feeling because it really crush the inner soul.Azhar, the manager tried to comfort me out but we both knew it didn't work. I want to blame the previous participant for late of returning his kayak to me to start my race (as we are sharing this thing) and the delay of technical adjustment in the kayak to allow me sit comfortably. I wasn't in comfortable and stable zone one step into the kayak because the sit adjustment didn't fit me. I was delayed about 15 minutes adjusting all the stuff and after being called for the last call, I just rushed stroking the lake with the pedal..i wasn't balanced all the time and just before at the starting lane, I lost control of the balance and.........splushhhh~!!! drown into the water....fully drown......i panicked a little bit but most of the moment, i was really angry and total disappointment was all in my head. darnnn...........i know i can make it...and by looking at those participants, i know that i am much better than them and can bet them up....not being cocky but being realistic. we have trained ourselves real hard for almost 2 weeks and the hard work really build me a better player in this game. seriously said, they stroke the pedals as a beginners. I didn't secure my place to be at top but i am confidence in making ti on top 3...looking into azhar's face, i know this young manager was disappointed because all the potential have washed away in the lake of the unfortunate..which was me. HE said that i was too nervous and acting not like me...well, that is part of it..i can't handle the tense and pressure due to lack of time in preparing the kayak and it just blown me away......I was bitter and hate myself and blame for being such an idiot...like, relaks okay...aish.

It left me about 30 minutes to get back the calm state of mind and body..lucky for not crying because I'm ugly with tears. I gathered my inner strength and took all that as blessing in disguise and not a lucky day yet....god saves it for some other time..be there, done that, let it go. What was most important was to focus on that tournament and supporting my teammates.. Mazni, Intan played a double game as well as amri and din. i am the single player, bob is likewise. Bob is great man, I tell you, he's stroking the lake like a pro and very relaxing. but as we went further, the heat was real tense. Men's player were rocking the lake like water dragon ...swift like sliding on the ice...wow...we captured some photos there..I'll show you some other time.

We finished everything by two pm. I was tired and we really are. we moved separately after that. I rushed to sek.17 for zohor prayer and some shower. Owh yeah, breaking news to you peeps.~!! I am now a part time worker in my faculty at 'Ayamaz Roti Impit'...hehehe....RM3 per hour. so, after the game i have to check in for work at 3.30 pm until 6.30pm. what a busy day for me, but soo happy to get busy, at least it makes me focus (a bit) on my responsibility. Well, gotta go right now..more to tell about this new hot job to you~!!! gotta work..hehe....

p/s: angah sayang, thanks for the calling and message..it's almost 3 months since we're connected..and along too...warm hugs for you both..

Allah knows best

Sway and away

2010-07-21T18:44:00.000-07:00

Allah knows best..

Surely HE knows....my virtual friends and social blogger's cliques would know I have hibernated in so-not-cool virtual life for quite a long time. I haven't died into ashes yet I you were to be disappointed thank you, although seldomly asked HIM for that.hahaha..Let sounds less morbid. I can survive and still survive without internet and facebook and all the other open media. It is not a must to have in life, a necessity which we have to control. Being a computer freak-to eat,sleep,talk in front of the cubicle all the day will make Jack a dull boy. Get a grip on your life.

I believe more in reality friends than virtual friends.

They are the permanent living object that really interact and know us well. Taking care the reality friends is far more important than stalking each other facebook page in each and every day. I once thought that if one is not having a facebook account is hardly recognizable or making less friends than facebook user. I am proved wrong. Indeed, facebookers have hundreds or thousands of friends linked to them but it does not really count a person really have friends. With all the virtual friends on the wall, i know some of them even feel lonelier and isolated. Of craving the raw attention to be more recognized, loveable, leave them dissapointed of not shooting the target. Mutual friends could be anybody we didn't ever know but because he or she is connected to the other friend, make one as mutual friend. Which is more important is not the focus of my interest as far as I know, to keep in touch, speak with friends and never lost ones is what should we do so the line of the social bonding is never break. To top it all, yes, I have higher trust on reality friends..

What did I miss in the past three weeks??

1. Ym-ing siblings and friends

2. facebook updates and notes and pics~

3. blogging hour

What did I gain in the past three weeks??

1.More time spending with reality friends on outdoor activities. Canoeing, shopping etc

2. More time to myself in doing other beneficial activities and personal interest without much distraction

3. I smile more and still smiling happily till now

4.SAF participation in canoeing!!!! Isn't a rare anticipation from someone like me? haha...get something out of the box darlings~!

5. Improved korean language practice (self learning). Arabic is my current 3rd language course in this semester..Owh, how awful shock ~~(yeah, rite)..haha

6. Stay closer with all PM (pemimpin mahasiswa) and 'them'..haha...only me know then,

I didn't miss anything awfully important to regret in life now. It is just that I am cheering the life regardless the sadness and bliss i am encountering. An open hearted lady will always be smiling from heart and living her outmost..I bet I better write more often now, that's what Tun had advised me..writing is powerful, he said. beside it is heightened the level of intelligence, (there are eight catagory of intelligence), it also drown the worriness..rite peeps!! not necesarily to write in blog..having a personal journal will also be exciting and more to yourself.....like, you know...blogging never promise total privacy freedom..huhu...

*received a Dean List certificate on the stage from the dean was overwhelming okay!

Uitm Di Hatiku-

Sweet dream

2010-06-09T04:59:00.002-07:00

i have several dreams...the weird ones...

what would you be thinking if the same person appeared in your dream not twice but trice?

The jumping happiness or a gruesome death warrant?

Mine is none of that- slightly a feeling of scared mixed with a juice of hope

I'm searching somewhere deep in a heart

it turn out to be an ignorance of many things....how cold

Would you do me a favor?

Pray for me please....

for the better

of happiness...

of solace...

of happiness.....

and happiness......

see??, how much I need a prayer.....

thanks for the memories~

2010-06-06T19:58:00.000-07:00

A minute before post mortem take place..estimated time, 1.15am

the very last day of MDS, rejoice peeps..shall we meet again in Julai~!

SDK team's presentation, lead by Meor (with the cream vest)..for all PM

this is the big wave of asasians- 2589...the big army, really

Another AhA! moments after supper time...smile~~

Sweetness, faces of happiness despite being 'tortured' by the asasians..

I love this pose!! haha..see the angsana?? there's the big hall for the ladies

Faces of concentration....fake one...hahaha...

i haven't had enough words to unleash the fav. moments...may the pictures tell the tale... and to angah and along, I'm missing you so mcuh and knowing the two of you constantly reading this blog, this is also for you....the other great memont your sister is sipping. Loving you both so much. Not to forget, Good luck for exam darlings as I know you both will conquer the success with Allah's willing. Great Khalifah is in the line~!

Dekat Padamu

2010-05-31T06:59:00.008-07:00

The best thing I ever had this year...the glamourous stars are here and we are the blinking stars up in the sky. MDS (minggu destini siswa) surely marked as the best event I had had in my life ever..at the moment..hehe. The whole week was fantastically awesome although the gruesome night without proper sleeps for almost a week was a bit frantic, but the whole idea of joining MDS for UiTM Puncak Alam and having a post as PM (pembantu Mahasiswa) for bureau of SDK (sahsiah, disiplin dan keselamatan) left me no regret. I never thought I would ever join this kind of people and working like them..together, as a team. Firstly, the only reason for me to join the MDS was just to kill the boredom at home besides trying my luck for the PM selection this semester. The original plan was to join either the bureau of registration or SDK and stay in Shah Alam catering all the laid works for us. On the night that they were announcing the splitting team for the coming MDS in Shah Alam and Puncak Alam, I was very sure that I will be placed in Shah Alam for I am an education student, the one and only PM presenting faculty of education as to handle the asasi tesl students there. It turned the other way around when MPP (majlis perwakilan pelajar) kak wahida called out my name from the list, made me squeal in shock to hear that. I was uncertain and doubtful If this is a charm of luck or a bad omen.

I knew Allah had planned HIs best for me and Allah always knows the best. Sure yeah, I am lucky to be in Puncak Alam..new place, new people and the new beginning. Hello Puncak, here I come~!

On the first day of the week, we spent a night at Seroja's for PM registry and several briefing about the coming program. I shared a room with kak farah zahidah, najwa, kak mai and kak ain. Surprisingly, we were all selected to join MDS at Puncak Alam..wow, what a coincidence eh. I am really bad in mixing around with the unknown if they are the opposite sex of mine. It just I feel a bit awkward and afraid mingling with them. Insecure, actually. I joined SDK, consisted of 15 members and headed by a guy whom they called super senior with many experience handling MMS (minggu mesra siswa) before this. I am pathetic in the group and only speaks when needed to, my gosh..the shy girl ever. haish. Anyway, the next day, we packed our things and move to Puncak Alam, I was thrilled to make the new adventure there.

Puncak Alam- With the slightest knowledge about this place, I try my best to let you know a bit about this grand UiTM campus. Puncak Alam is the place where it has becomes the biggest campus ever built to settle UiTM students residency and campus as well. It is the biggest UiTM branch in Malaysia, enough for me to say it’s three times bigger than the main campus, Shah Alam. The project launched stages by stages and divided to 3 phases of construction. The first phase is the one that have nearly completed which placed 4 major courses here namely Pharmacy Faculty, Office Management Faculty, Applied Science Faculty and Health Science Faculty. There are 2 residency colleges; Angsana and Rafflesia. Angsana was originally a home for all boys only but due to excessive female students in Puncak Alam Angsana 1 & 2 had to change the owner. The rest of Angsana blocks remained for the boys. Whilst for Rafflesia, all the 5 blocks belong to the girls. Their hostel apply the concept of condominium residency where students live in a condominium with 5 @ 4 rooms;each for 2 persons. It is a cozy condo, modern design with green architecture landscape which is nature friendly. Even their lift got a mini tv inside. You can watch a pooh bear cartoon over and over again (it’s the only cartoon shown). A life of luxuries here. Puncak Alam campus managed to placed over 20,000 students at one time in its faculties and it will soon become a hub for UiTM students that will replace a hectic and over-crowded population in Shah Alam main campus. The second and third phase are under the plan of construction and overall, the cost for the entire project costs about few billion ringgit (can’t remember the exact amount). One unique feature in this campus is the staircase… OMG~! We called it ‘tangga batu cave’ a.k.a tangga neraka. Lord, you got to experience using this staircase. It has 244 steps with a killing angle of the slope and more interestingly, this is the only route to connect the road from college to campus. Another path is the main road which is way down the hill and that takes a very long distance to reach the faculty. I guess I have told you something about Puncak Alam right.

Talking about my experience, there is many to share, seriously. Our MPP, Abg Ridhwan Mohd Salleh discussed with us about the planning of the program for the next day. He said that there are three possibility for the new coming students to asasi. Firstly, we predicted that there will be at least 1.600 students to be registered tomorrow, if not it might be around 2,500 students and the most to be expected is the maximum number of students, 3,000 but he said that it won’t reach that number, just be prepared to welcome the huge waves of students tomorrow. My bureau is the most important component in the team tomorrow. With the total strength of 75 PM, it is a heavy duty for us to cater like 3,000 students which gives us a ratio of 1:295. Our bureau consists only 15 members to control the flow of the students to be registered tomorrow from the entrance up to the college, to ensure the smooth running of the vehicle which is a collaboration with UiTM safety department (their guards). Anything to do with the flow of students, leave it to us. We only hope for the best. All the MPP voiced out their worry on us to handle the task but we believe we’ll be fine. Kak Wahida, the deputy project manager was really concern to us. The other important and the hectic bureau of the day besides us is the program and registration. The malfunction of either these two bureau will ruin the whole system. We experienced the heat of tension on the first 3 days. Believe me, the face of tension already tell the tales.

The first day- 2,859 students registered on the day which was beyond the margin of our expectation. One big problem aroused. The super killing worst flow of traffic from the gate entrance till up the hill to Rafflesia. Lots of parents threw their madness and tantrum due to the bad traffic control and the selfish attitude from many VIP parents that think only their sons are going to be registered on that day and assumed that with the power in the palm they have, they can do anything as they please. Owh, lord…this is sickening. At first, vehicles are not allowed to enter the college. For the early few hours, traffic was fine but then the traffic got worst because some took vehicles up to the colleges. Many parents can’t tolerate with the long hours of waiting for the bus to take them up decided to use the Hell staircase to reach Rafflesia. One parent rushed to the PK due to the High Blood Pressure resulting climbing up the stairs with the massive boxes and bags. PM from health bureau lend their hands to help them. We are all really bushed and extremely tired.

Second day- Students college registration was at worst management due to sudden changed of plan and the massive miscommunication between the head of bureau registration and the higher authorities. SDK also almost worn out everything, pulling the best effort to cater students movement from one hall to another which is a bit far away. The management was very messy and confusable. The post mortem on the night at 1am lashed out the dissatisfaction of the sudden changes of plan and miscommunication. Abg Fizee stand out his plan and behold us to maintain to what had he planned to avoid the same humiliating problem tomorrow. Anyway, he and Meor (our SDK head bureau) almost collapsed because of dehydration and skipped meals during practicing their duty. Many of us missed out our meals as well. Insufficient time and always on the go make us only manageable make up time for prayer only. MPP reminded us and the rest of the PM to take care of ourselves to avoid bad thing happen later. As SDK, we also need to get all the students up early in the morning at 5.00am to have a jemaah prayer at Angsana hall. We slept at 2.45am in the morning and many woke up late-6.30am. Luckily, some early rise SDK members woke up PB (pelajar Baru) in the college. I can see the big panda eyes on my face.

Third day- students registration. We continued the unfinished registration and by hook or by crook it has to be settle before the sun fall or we’ll be a dead meat. Abg Fizee laid out a perfect plan and he is the savior of the day. Registration ran smoothly and with rapid flow from both girls and boys students with the extra strength human resources from SDK and program bureau. SDK members did many multitask okay, and they really made a good use of our army, which left us be ready to drop. Salute to all PM, you have done really well. Good job then!! There’s no seniority boundary between us. All were treated the same, equally and the charm of affection works in every soul of the members. I am really touched with their care and words of wisdom curled with thoughtful advises. Owh yeah…I almost forget, as we worked for UiTM, we needed to punch in our cards at 7am and punch out at the time when we finished the post mortem. I think you can understand the mathematics here, we worked almost 15 hours per day. Very proud to say that none of us ever grumpily complaint of the long working hours and the tiredness. We did feel tired and exhausted but the day flew by with the fun and joy surround us, it just a little mental and physical challenge right. Huhuhu…

Before I forget, with Meor initiative, he opened a group in Fb for the MDS this session. You can search it in fb by typing PM MDS asasi Puncak alam. This is a group about the MDS and updates from us to PB and also as a linking communication with all the PB from asasi science and Engineering after the end of the MDS later. Both asasi program also have their own group and You can find it in our page. There are lots of pictures to share and comical and wonderful videos from us as a farewell gift to them. Hopefully they will do well in the program and make it with flying colours.

The best thing I ever had here is the close bonding between us. The faded and cloudy relationship evolved into something that is really strong and juicy, heavenly fun and crazy. This is the platform for me to start knowing others, not the people in my air only and this would suggest a better milieu of socialization in the future. I have several good friends from MassComm, Medicine, APB, sport rec and more. Not only that, I am now manage to talk with our respected UiTM MPP abg wan, being friends and hang out together with the others. He really is one big brother to us that hold the umbrella of security. Like before this, I try my best to avoid his presence and completely muted when he is around, shyness and scared perhaps. Despite all the difference between us, our relationship does not stop here. All the PM have a stamp on our head being the PM for MDS I’ve still known as the SDK till now. We also having a good time with the PB despite I’m being stern and strict with them. Sorry lads, that’s not my true color, I have to, I don’t bite okay. The PB are all good and it’s a bit a melancholic feeling to leave them after a week together. The last day at Puncak Alam filled with sorrowfully gloom atmosphere between us. I am the kind of girl with cuddles and smooches with friends and tones of pictures were captured to document the moment. I was sad, they were too. I could see in Abg fizee’s eyes the gleam of sadness and grey. This will be his last MDS program with us as this is the final semester of his study. He and the other MPP admitted that MDS at Puncak Alam have created the great bond between us like no other and they are proud to see us mingling together. We are close, really.

On the next day, with Abg Fizee proposal, most of PM and MPP had a gathering together at PAS (plaza alam sentral) for a bowling time. Most of our SDK members were there and this included Abg Wan and Kak Wahida. We were touched to see their willingness to spend their little time with us for bowling game. Above all, I love you all and shall we meet again in MDS Julai later.

*SDK- Sayang Dekat Kamu

When you're gone

2010-05-18T10:40:00.000-07:00

Hey there......haven't I mention it here that I prayed on my both knee wishing she could be selected as the MMS facilitator?? Alhamdulillah!!!!!!!! thanks to Allah, He immediately answers her soft prayer... heheehe....I really am in the mud of happiness.

Well, mom..the one I have known is always working so hard. She always on the go in many sort of things; warden, teaching and admin. work... I hate to see how much work have taken her very soul and energy. She doesn't deserve to gear up her work to the limit that worn her off. I repeatedly insisted her to managed some rest and slow down...yeah, SLWO DOWN mom...get some good sleep and rest...gladfully, she started to go to spa for massage and everything or facial treatment once in a month...she deserves it the most...hmmm.. in the mean time, since I'm home..she relaxed a bit and has me massaging her every night time before bed time... she walks a lot I told you. Marching the school and every soil ground on her two feet somehow had affected her...she frequently experience footsore and the pain worn off by some massage.........I just wonder how could do her some favor if I'm not home....

know what...I'm off to shah alam by tomorrow noon for the MMS program..soo soon right, yeah.. I'm not really happy leaving mom although she's staying at warden residency with one other warden..I'm gone for almost 2 week, pray for a safe journey for me then.

Come Home

2010-05-14T08:03:00.000-07:00

Guess that I'm home again. As I'm writing this, I just finished watching a grueling match between Malaysia and China..well then, I didn't like the lost, alas, we did. Our team have delivered their best, I believed so. Hey, Choong Han is such a pleasant on the eyes. He's so handsome in his 30's. I didnt notice before. His pair of eyes is mesmerizing you know and I dare not to have longer look because it glued my eyes...hahaha..talking crappy here..whatever.

90% of success is hard work. 10% is luck. I guess they missed both...sharpen your skill warriors, and be confident. In 5 years time, you should repay to us... I start counting, like... now.

I like the fact that I'm home now, for the next 6 weeks planning worthwhile activities to kill the time. Here is the list of planning I wish to look forward during this BIG semester break:

1- Practice sewing with the unknonw (haven't chosen a master yet). I want to learn this skill professionally and mom once said she'll be considering to buy me a machine to practice. Well, probably, yet, maybe, might be. Don't be too ambitious Reika..hehe

2- Movie mania. yeah, as simple as that. On the cosy bed, my eyes will be glued to the laptop for hours. (caution: only when mom is working or I'll be dead man!). Hehe...I have stocks of movies in my hard disk but there's many to filters. Some are not suitable for my watching and with respect I deleted them.

3- Becoming Uitm facilitators for the new intakes. Gosh, I can't wait to join the team. THe result only be known by the next one week. If I were selected, I'm going off to Shah Alam for one whole week. This is for the sake of experience and surely books can offer everything but experience. This will help me a lot in socializing with Uitm staff and better understand of many things

4- Book reading. Currently, I'm having the sequel of infamous 'The Pillar of the Earth' , 'The Worls Without Ends'. It's a 1000 pages book and I just finished a 100 pages. Looks like a long way to go then.

5- Dermatologist appointment. This is not an activity at all but I need to consult this doctor to have some treatment. I have been delayed the check up appointment for several times. I'm a busy student, it's not an excuse. Hmm. I'm just checking, nothing serious for you to worry.

This weekend, God willing I and my mom will pay a visit to Opah at Mak Long's. My so lot little brother will be at home in the next 2 week. I really need to catch some gossips from him. hahaha..

By the way, tomorrow is teacher's day. Happy teacher 's day for teachers and for us too, the future teacher! Our government makes a huge dedication card for teacher across the nation with the PM signature on it. I watched it on news today. The best part of celebrating the day is, you guess what...

A- Increase earning

B- Teacher's day off

C- Instant bonus

D- All of above

You go them wrong buddy. It's E- Gotong royong perdana. Say what! Hey, every school wil be doing it tomorrow (saturday), ordered by ministry. Owh my Dior, what a fine rewarding for teacher, keep them work. Is this the best they could think off? *sigh*

Obsessed

2010-04-11T20:58:00.000-07:00

Succumb-
The one word that I think is ME right now... Succumb to books, and the fairyland called BookExcess. I give the world to havethe bookstore....erm..that's too much I think...never mind, as I said just now, those books look so adorable by looking at them (why just recently I start noticing that?). Previously, I have just spend big time and so big money at the Malaysia Bookfair in KL... not regretting any of the heavenly shopping spree.... (cause me to cut down my spending on food). I have finished reading 50% of the books stuffed on my bed....for weeks...huhuhu.. the feeling of having pleasure reading was that minimal before but now this eagerness of having books reading in any free hour has blown up..

that's not the full stop yet...adding to this craziness, yesterday which was supposedly to be a good-girl-at-home weekend turn out to be a big day out for me..thanks to LinDonat for asking me to tag her along to BookExcess..she asked me once before but rejected due to slow cash flow in my account....*sobsob.... well, she hit the right timing I guess, mom just bank in monthly allowance (although only a quarter compared to last month) and here we go...shopping!!
She brought along her little siblings (literally..hahaha) and drove the usual 'submarine'.. The amount I've allocate for my day out is just 30MYR...hopefully it's enough.

My plan didn't work out....all the cashes sweep away with the new books in my hand...Bad money management...still...I was extravagantly happy spending hours and hours in that place. I'm madly in love with BookExcess...................just wondering...who's the owner ek??? hihihi

not to forgot...I really want to see my UM dearies before the final ......misssing u soo much

hold my hand

2010-04-07T19:32:00.000-07:00

I'm heading towards the end of semester and this is not a yeay! week for me and for them too. there's only 2 weeks left before the study leave and to the finals. Lecturers keep tiring us with what should I call rains of ASSignments; case study (s), journals, survey, test and etc.. In one way it sparkles the enjoyment of having a hectic and busy time (that's make me feeeeeeeeel important...ahhaaha..vain..) but in the other way around I really have time on my own to be alone.. People might mistakenly think I'm isolating myself from others but it's not like that....I'm just working on my own... this is a way faster without any distraction from crazy-minded friends ( I love it but I can't stand la..I'm laughing toO much and not concentrating okei..huhuhu). Thankfully, I have settle almost 90% of the assignments and it such a great relief..WORK HARD PLAY HARD.... Weee~~~

I'm attending Majlis Anugerah Dekan tonight. Although I'll be there as a DL recipient but it just mean less for me compared to others who are in real excitement to become one night prince/princess under the spotlight, stealing everyone attention. It's their night, let them be... Well, don't get confused, it is not because I don't want to, but I have to...this event is a project collaborated under PMFP and SMF and I am the committee members (under PMFP) that cater a part of the whole system, one failed will caused the disruption of whole system....hmmmm...that's we call a teamwork. As the head for Special Task Bureau my work is easy; selecting the best DL recipient based on consultation from head of program lecturers. Love talking to them, Dr. Pramjit and Dr. Beh are nice people, it's not hard to get close to them, and fatherly too. On the event later, I have to ensure the smooth running of the program and prepare for the worst case scenario if it ever happen....to keep an eye for everything.....it's working hour but maybe I gonna have some fun too...hmmm, the only worry I hope the last to come is raining. I have checked the weather forecast and it might be raining this evening till night. Owh my, because we held the event in open-air (dataran tungku Fauziah at the main campus), bad weather is a foe to us. Please pray everything gonna be alright.

Jump into another updates, I have a private talk with one good friend last night, while waiting for the meeting...she really have strong heart and I admire how the hardship has changed her perspective towards life and relationship.......she become even maturer than others, not by her looks but the mind. Life is not about having all fun hanging out with friends, going crazy-minded and all that... life need us to be ready facing the real thing we didn't want to be in or to have. It just as serious as that in reality and that's not easy. As what I advised her, takes all your weakness and flaws as not a shame, you want to get rid of them but not all, some are permanently be there because we are not perfect and never be perfect. When the person accepting you while you are in the best and in the most fragile being, he is the chosen one...the right man for you. He knows, being a fragile tell that he is needed to keep you living and this will get you closer to each other. you're bound to be together no matter how far you run from each other..getting rid of each other as deep inside your heart, both are still loving and this is clear for me to see that. Believe in destiny because it never lies, it tells where will your relationship going to head and how does it ends, if The Almighty said He is the one for you, then you'll have the ring. Whatever it is, I admit that she so lucky to have a man that really spare his life for her in every way, as I have never see a guy that have a heart like his.....Hmmm, I will pray for you to be together loving each other.....
we are not that close but we have the heart to pour and share anything together, and that's soothing for us...thanks for sharing your life dearie...I am bless to be one of your colour in life..

Angel

2010-04-03T22:08:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am being ignored....by ***.
I see you here...so close yet really faraway
Trying to speak...asking you but only my lips pursing the words with mute sound..
As a friend..the concern towards your life is always burning...from afar...
you pour yours to them..and I left unknown
even painful when you let me know your one of many angels...
don't say goodbye...coz it just bloody painful..

wish you for a happy life..and yeah, your life is getting better and the better is what you have become..

I know you happy and may happiness light your life..

Why must I being sad..tormented in this way...a million dollar answer if I could know.. I don't know how to treat you like always..so better for me to step away....because you have the other angels ( i think)...above all, you'd fill my life with many memories..and I shall keep the remaining memories forever for I once used to be XXXXXX.

Te Amo

2010-04-03T00:00:00.000-07:00

I really feel bloated with the intertwine friendship dilemma i'm gaming in right now. What a good hunter I have become eh...from one to another. Thus, how can this heart will be ever in peace? Now the besties had now bother asking this one thing....and it's hurt me to admit that me and this one friend now have nearly become history. distance keep us apart....and this person also keep a distance from me and somehow make me feel that *** don't want to be near me though. Ouch...what an excruciating truth to learn..

hear me...I am really sad..disappointed and numb....to see how situation had change us...maybe it's my fault..maybe it just *** has choose *** own path...away from me. We used to glued together like a good friends and noticing we are totally different now...I just hope that *** knows I am always taking big concern on *** and *** always in my heart despite all the contradiction in our both life... I want *** back as the one I cherish before..but am afraid of making the first move...how sadden isn't it right......having new friends might have fossilized the grip of our friendship....

I'm switching the code in friendship and if you had notice me...I am with the other ###... peoples are speculating of our public closeness...buzzing here and there....but hey, I am close to ###since 1st semester degree okay...but not as public as you have seen....why...maybe because of all things that had happen...I and ### discussed many on this thus tighten the bond as friends.. still....every time I am with ### ..it makes me thinking to the previous that I had before....and realizing...I have now loosening the tie and might lost ### forever....if you reading this ###, I hope you would know that I have long want to talk to you but afraid of confronting this dilemma.. Only by writing this post..I am able to speak my heart and my mind without physically facing your face...hmmm...I don't know if this will solve or tangling like forever....Lord...help me going through this...

Am I saying anything about betrayal? Owh, that's just another drama I don't to discuss yet...might be later for sure...not in the mood right now..

my heart want to dance under the bright stars like forever

2010-03-30T21:20:00.000-07:00

So when I have finally found the light of the gloomy friendship, my soul free like a sparrow on the sky. Darkness is not my light and never be my light. this feeling is so good...like a star lean down to the ground blowing the kiss..I wanna dreaming forever. dearest lovers..... I always love you... and you'll love me too.

Ukhwah yang terbina ini akan kusemai dan bajai dengan benih kasih yang selayaknya...kan kusirami dengan untaian rindu moga kemesraan antara kita tidak lagi dipisahkan dengan nista racun bicara. Cintailah aku selama mana aku berpegang dengan agama-ku..andai hilangnya agamaku...janganlah engkau berani mencintaiku kerana kerapuhan cinta hanya membawa kebinasaan kepada ukhwah yang dibina...

Hey, now i am loved again~~

How to save a life?

2010-03-25T13:21:00.000-07:00

I saw a reflection in the cold, dim water. The face is so cold..her grinning smiles hide something big behind.. which likes had already taken her life off...so dark and pitiful... What about the her queer eyes...it loses the shines.... she used to smile with her eyes....but there's no more. Sorrow tears have taken away the sweet little smile on face. I tapped the water again...and yes,hello me.. the reflection

I= Sorrow life

I asked my closest friends how this being goes lately...and as I expected, they found me quieter and even quieter than before..not forget to mention...adding new adjective for me...a loner.. This heart had crushed a lot..broken into zillion pieces...not because a man..nothing to do with them..it's about the so-called friends. I admitted my past mistakes and begged myself to change for betterment...thanks for your novel advice..I heart everything you've said. because of you I have realized I'm changing in a bitter way and need to reversed it before any worse...this is my downfall and let this downfall become mine solely. I believe the biggest loser always makes the biggest winner..hopefully I shall change positively..

friend, I wish you for the same too...take me as what a friend want to be... you said friend have to be like a friend but I don't feel the soul of what you've called a friendship...it's the way you people ignoring me as I'm the invisible. Owh, I wish I am invisible...for being visible torture this soul to death..I'm willingly vanished forever from your eyes....hey, I'm in the changing progress, I tried hard to please you all people...everyone have flaws but why treating me like rubbish and garbage? I looked into your eyes with the hope we'll be fine and for the least...can talk to each other without a strange feeling...

sitting in the crowd....staring on the sky...I tried to cried but none can hear...why everybody is away from me....can somebody take me home?? it's a chill cold night....I need a hug to breath.. then I knew you were here for me..I wish this could be real...

Do I have a face that many would hate? Why want hating me and never to end it? does it make a good game for you? seeing I'm so neglected and loner? I want to fix the leftover friendship that remains...I tried hard..working it with you but you just being the same ignorant with that red face..is it my fault too? who's the one to blame here? for the least, we could just cordial a respectful relationship. You should know...I have a heart too and it's not a stone that never breaks. I could feel the burning hatred comes from every corner of my life...they verbally never said it but the eyes keep channeling the signal...and it makes me so lifeless...dying to see me so miserable? thanks then. The way you treat me is different with the others...it's usually on my behalf to initiate our conversation...if not it won't for forever..but it always KISS (keep it short and simple). your monotone voice..cold face...is heart wrenching....

One of many things I learn..to value all my friends that stand by me in sweet and bitter time. for them I sought love and carefully attended. I owe them a world..for accepting of who I am...takes my flaws as not an ugly scar...but a humor to laugh with. What am I doing right now is being good for very people...taking care their heart and pleased them as what should it be...if they are hating me or not...it's theirs business...nothing to do with me....although it is sad seeing them treating you like that..and as I found out...I'm gradually freed my soul...by letting go my hatred to others and let it go like washing water. I understand that not everyone will like you..you're lucky if 60% is liking you. I wish I am liked by others...by everyone I hate or love..by my haters or lovers...hahaha...it's to ideal....I could never get that. along, angah...you're the ultimate lovers I ever have.....and I am blessed for the love you sprinkle continuously in my whole life....

The unpleasant surprise

2010-03-20T05:15:00.000-07:00

One of the prominent events preceding the Day of Judgement is the appearance of Dajjal. We have been apprised of many aspects of Dajjal both in the Qur’an and the Ahadis. In fact, the Muslims have been more informed about the Dajjal by the Holy Prophet than previous nations by their respective prophets. Dajjal will appear somewhere between Iraq and Syria, after the Battle of Istanbul takes place. The name in the Ahadis is Constantinople, which is the former name of Istanbul. Dajjal will be a Jew. His distinguishing feature is that he will be one-eyed and the word “Kafir” or “unbeliever” will be written on his forehead. That he is a Jew is confirmed from another hadis, which says that his followers will be mainly of Jewish religion.

Dajjal will be a powerful personality in this world. He will attract loads of people; his voice will be heard in the East and the West. The latter, given the present day communication technology in the form of satellite television and Internet, doesn’t seem surprising.
The main aim of Dajjal will be to try and convince people that he is God Almighty. He will try and deviate people from the Right Path and join his ranks. To achieve that end and to convince people with true faith, he will kill and then re-create the same person. This will prove to be sufficient to gain him more followers, especially the ones who have weak faith. But we must remember at all times, that he will definitely not be anywhere near God.

Dajjal will travel the whole world. The only place where he will not be able to enter is Makkah and Madinah. “It will at this very time that Allah will send Christ, son of Mary. He will descend at the white minaret on the eastern side of Damascus, wearing two garments lightly dyed with saffron and placing his hands on the wings of two Angels. When he lowers his head, there will fall beads of perspiration from his head, and when he raises it up, beads like pearls will scatter from it. Every non-believer who smells the odour of his body will die and his breath will reach as far as he is able to see. He will then search for him (Dajjal) until he catches hold of him at the gate of Ludd and kills him.”

this article is derived from the website below:
http://islamgreatreligion.wordpress.com/2009/02/09/dajjal-has-born-in-israel/

Two is better than one

2010-03-18T09:46:00.007-07:00

-Miss MoOn with her newly-wed husband...she looks gorgeous isn't she??-

Have you ever seen rat lately?? Would find this tiny creature adorable in your eyes? I’ve regularly meet him, in my bedroom. It was unpleasant meeting you know and this naughty little Jerry loves playing with my mates and yeah, me toO. I feels like yelling –Can you stop playing foolishly? A little monster really makes a misery business here and I damned hating it. Hmm, besides that, it’s also still scorching hot..real hot..the sun also being cruel to me, tanning my poor skin. Mr. windy, where have you gone, and Miss rainy, have you dried your packet of clouds?? Whatever, I’m sweating and it’s not a fun.

Wow..it’s a marriage season eh. Seeing my sweet drama-queen lecturer to end her single life with a blessed marriage with her romeo prince, her life is just a complete puzzle. I’m soO dazzled to see how happy she is with her wedding and spending the rest of her life with king of her heart. My, she’s the one who get married…how am I supposed to be in over excitement? It’s not my wedding though. I really do want a wedding dress, literally means to get married!! Owh, such a young age to start thinking of having a husband..scary..I’m just having a feeling of getting married soon. I’m talking about everyone’s dream okay, an ultimate dream for a girl to live with a man, to become his angel to pour her sacred love, become his comfort, holding his hand with a woman touch, make him great being a man for a lady to stand. A girl toO, need a man who always can understand, shining her life, lead her to the golden light, make a bow to be her only king in the fragile heart, keep her safe from being hurt and HE is the only man I'll surrender.

I wish to get married soon, with Mr. nobody or Mr. Somebody, I couldn’t tell my fate. Laugh people, You must feel I’m kind of not being myself. Heehehe…inner thought also told me that. 25 maybe just a perfect timing to end it with a ring perhaps… what do you think peeps? Am I suit enough to share a life with a complete stranger then??? Owh, brother, I know you are reading this…help me out Okay….hahaaha.

P/s: We've killed the rat.....he's now R.I.P. Worries no more...

the death of Sayyid Tantawi

2010-03-11T02:02:00.000-08:00

Death of Grand Imam Mohamed Sayyid Tantawi

Hillary Rodham Clinton
Secretary of State

Washington, DC

March 10, 2010

I was saddened today to learn of the passing of Grand Imam Mohamed Sayyid Tantawi, the head of al-Azhar University in Cairo. Imam Tantawi was a highly respected cleric and the leader of one of the most important institutions of Islamic learning in the world. As President Obama said in Cairo last summer, Al-Azhar has stood as a beacon of Islamic learning for over a thousand years, and it continues to play a dynamic role today. Imam Tantawi was an important voice for dialogue among religions and communities. Under his leadership, the university co-hosted the President’s speech laying out a vision for a “New Beginning” between the United States and Muslim communities around the world. And Americans will always remember Imam Tantawi for his condemnations of violence after the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, when he said: “It's not courage in any way to kill an innocent person.” We offer our condolences to the Imam’s family and friends today, as well as his many students in Egypt and in Muslim communities throughout the world.

http://www.state.gov/secretary/rm/2010/03/138216.htm
this is the link where I got the news.....I simply can't write much more for now. This terribly shock news is can hardly believe. my hands was trembling, and I can feel tear glands full of the crystal clear of my tears...ready to shed like a sorrow rainfall.. Our honor ulama....had just gone....to meet the one lover-ALLAH..... He is...He was the prominent modern ulama' for this age...the top sunni ulama just left us...in this dark world...I can't stop crying hard after receiving the news...at first I just don't believe it, pretend it was rumors.....sadly it's not...He's not my father, nor my grandpa, not genetically related but this man, is the special one. I never shed tears any hard like this.....He is like our father holding the umbrella to protect us from evilness and his care is only for muslim brotherhood. I am not the right person to tell you everything about him...I'm just a mere the follower....and his works ...writing and personal view about life and everything, his bravery in telling the truth despite criticism...I just admire all his courage in spreading the true light about islam.... now he gone at the age 81, farewell world......~al-fatihah~

Maybe some of you want to know him better...i recommend GOOGLE for you...You'll get one..huuhu

In the thirst of Blood....

2010-02-21T20:43:00.000-08:00

Lots to catch up...and there's many more eh..thus please expect lots of word strings here and there.I can see the farewell ending of this month...wow, February...it is almost gone barely unnoticed. Though, it just added memories which are bitter, sweet and even tasteless in my neurological hard disk. feels like it was yesterday I lay my nest in Shah Alam....lame statement..haahha...I'm living a great life at the moment, a blossom heart with shining hopes in hands that I'll be doing fine all the way..although tears is not a fear to me...i dare not to cry but if so, let it flow freely and promise it won't hurt me much...ever again. I would like to share my golden moments I've had in the midst of my busy life...hoping you would like it.

I've done something noble and proud of myself of doing so....another my first time, and I was so nervous like hell. Introducing, myself as vamperete. heheehe..rubbish (I misspelled it as rubbitch) talking. I went to a hall where there were many chairs arranged in rows, people in and out like there are on a mission or something. I saw many unfamiliar faces and by my side was najah and Muhyi (as usual la kn). After completing some procedures and awaiting list, I heard my name echoed in the hall. A lady in her mid 40's laid me on a swivel-like chair, rolled up my left sleeves. I' was waiting for the procedure to begin and I could see they've prepared for everything. A moment later, I felt like 'something' is sucking my blood..thirstily and mercilessly but instead of being terrified, I was all happy for letting myself...it's hurt but the pain was gone not long after that and I could feel the hot blood flowing out of my body...yes, hot and warm as could feel it. Before I'd nearly fell asleep, the lady tap my shoulder and said it's done. fast and furious.. hehehe... See, that's how a blood donation takes place. Yeah, a blood donor......I like that status.. I lost 450ml of B- type blood. The process wasn't a physical torment as I feared earlier yet it turned me dizzy and my head kept spinning all around, other than that, I know I'm fine. Here's some shots at the 'crime scene'. Maybe it'll trigger your interest to follow my footstep.

the early clients...see najah with a lady in white??
-the sucking process was awesome but teary for some..like this girl...

see the smiling face there??? I'm not faking it okay..huhu

starts blood donation for today and you'll get a chance saving a life..maybe a helpless child or unknown stranger... the stranger might turn up to be your dearest lover...Who knows?? Donation means Sadaqah right...here, your small deeds is not a material presentation..you share something that you have already gifted and it is cost free. I love to make this as my annual societal contribution, a helping that light up uncertain hopes of the needy. Cancer patients, anemics etc. , they have the slightest second chance of life to breath free air just like us. You might not recalled to whom you have donated, but the one who received it will forever remember you as their HERO....although they do not know you.

Here in UiTM Shah Alam, it becomes an annual program (correct me if I were wrong) and this program was a collaboration with Hospital Klang. Due to the current news, the blood bank is now in a critical need of more fresh human blood. (If someone uncertain of it's originality..vampire cannot!! Sorry Edward Cullen, you're out of the list). The current statement is they need critically need B type blood as the stock in the blood bank is not enough. I always pray that this little help will bring if not BIG, a little different in their life. Although it was long time ago, All I could remember we had 'amanat dekan' on that day.( somewhere in Feb.) it lays a wondrous moment for me .huuhu

gone for ice skating!!

2010-01-30T20:23:00.000-08:00

this new game have now turn into an addiction to me. I was firstly introduced to the ice ring just earlier this month and that was tonnes of excitement!! I love my newly found interest. i never ice skate before nor play roller blade..gosh! Me and Najah promised to hit Sunway Pyamid on the open semester..just to experience the ice skating. We went together accompanied by Muhyi alone. Actually, I want the other girl friends to come along but to no avail as they had other commitments. So, it was just 3 of us. haahaa..you know what, there must be blessing in disguise right for what've written..huhuhu

it was fine, hot Saturday morning as I woke up. Went to Sunway Pyramid by KTM as it was just a stone throw away from shah alam. Reached the destination, and in the mall. I was nothing but freaking enthusiastic and from my query eyes, i think they both feel the same. The fee is just 18MYR on weekend, 13MYR on weekdays which is the cheapest. without gloves and necessary socks, you won't manage to get into the ring. Soo, adding up our cost was the pinky, green striped gloves, 8MYR for pair. Total cost, 26MYR. Then, we picked our shoes on the counter, I'm wearing 7...which was the biggest size I ever wore, plus, the shoes are heavy though and i wonder If I accidentally drop them off on some other feet..Oucch!! it must be pretty hurt..hehehe...So, pictures speaks louder than words..here are some pics i got for you!!

that's me!! haha...chill out..n i'm chill okay!!

before enter the ring

take 5!!

Soo..it was exciting..i really had so much fun and burn out not only fats but all stress..hhaha..hmm...because of the thrilling experinece we had..i went twice..huhu..here's the prove...

it was all girls!!!

me and shall..wee~~

well then, that's all from me...a bit of fun for this new semester before we all get serious in study and exam...hey, it was a rough game at first...but you'll get over it then...all the pain gone away with some patience and practice okay...i was freaking scared but then filled with all of fun!! it's great to have time for ourselves isn't it??? anything we do is possible as long as we follow the right way...and manner...hey, you can always 'tutup aurat' properly and play this game well right...huhuhu..above all..thanks all dearest friends!!

a piece of thought

2010-01-30T19:48:00.000-08:00

"jika dakwah adalah nafas yang terhembus di setiap saat,maka jagalah ia,agar ia tetap terhirup & kita tetap hidup kerananya... Jika dakwah adalah pedang-pedang yang siap dihunuskan,maka jadilah dalang-dalang yang akan memainkannya di medan pencak... Jika dakwah adalah jalan yan panjang,maka janganlah berhenti sebelum kita temukan penghujungnya yang terang-benderang..... Jika dakwah adalah bunga,maka sebarkanlah rekahannya agar ia terus menebarkan wangi ke seluruh penjuru dunia"
-love story in Egypt-

An urge call- "Allah is just one and only". understand??

2010-01-16T10:11:00.000-08:00

The issue of using Allah’s name seriously annoyed me to death! I’m freakin’ disappointed how possible it’s allowed to happen. Most sadly, the sign of religions’ battle has started in this country and they try to override Islam as the official religion in Malaysia. What speeds their determination to file such demand? Muslim brotherhood doesn’t possess mutual commitment and concern to his own religion. We are as fragile as thin ice in a winter. Who really cares about Islam nowadays? Not many..as long as you’re making big money, life is just fine as flowers on a bed. We are not spiritually connected to our religion and what makes it sensible is clearly seen through the practice in life following the quran and sunnah… even the famous basic 5 is a torture for some! (rukun Islam).. why is it soo? The simplest is the 5 prayers. Don’t fret on saving this religion if we’re not even capable in saving our lives.. without complete prayers, life is a promise land to astray. We can never guide people and the taste of Baraka is always bitter as Allah close the heart from His guidance making us bloom with sins.. scary uh. we’re not putting strong hold in this religion thus makes them show no fears to do anything they please.

We used to be the Lion in the dessert…we used to be respected…we used to shine brightly as a sun … it’s pathetic to see fragile bones and weaknesses shown in your eyes…as the spirits have been chased away thousands of years ago..

They said, by using ‘Allah’ in religions view shows that people worship the same god but in different way…owh no!! no way! Christians worship their god in trinity and they have belief god has a son..if they were to say ‘Allah’ in that way…this is the biggest liar to claim. In Islam, ‘Allah’ is the only God-“Dia tidak beranak dan tidak diperanakkan”. See, as mentioned in suraa Al-kafiroon; “your God is yours and my god is Mine”. Allah knows the best. He knows Devil won’t stop dragging us from his path and to lead us to astray…by HIS words…it tells us all that one day, this tragedy would happen and now it’s happening to us. It is shameful to see the minor religion speaks louder than the major religion and their words are counted more than us! Even if we screams aloud, it looks like the authority mute it off. For how long this issue would continue, Allah knows the best. We actually can quickly solve this problem by using our mandate through the power of the rulers. We should and must end this chaotic sooner or else another disaster will take place later. I never expect our New Year celebration to have such unwelcome present, a disaster to be precise.

Ya Rabb, tetapkanlah hati-hati ini agar sentiasa pada jalan-Mu di saat tiada seorang pun yang berdiri di atas agama-Mu…teguhkanlah jiwa dan iman kami dalam mentaati ajaran-Mu dan jadikanlah kami orang yang berjuang mempertahankan agama-Mu….kau kuatkanlah jiwa-jiwa ini…Ameen..Ya Rabbal ‘alameen.

random ranting

2010-01-12T10:06:00.006-08:00

as I'm typing this post....my heart wrenching...like a cage of butterflies inside my tummy. for so long i think...I'm not connecting myself anymore...for how long shall it be...only god knows.. sadly, it might be forever..
*blusher is ain't a tease anymore

it's a fresh start

2010-01-11T01:47:00.000-08:00

I’m so excited to go on lining again like I usually do. Since the arrival here in Shah Alam..my new home!!.. not even a chance for me to facebook-ing and blogging. Not to say the crazy days I went through just to get back here… soo, happy new year wish only left as dusty lines..lorh…how outdated little girl. There’s many to tell, lots to share but none yet hear…huhu…here’s a little life adjustment I’ve made, some involves only me, some involves others….

A) New Home

My new lovely home…it’s a two-story house, sandwiched between two large wonderful houses which completely make people unnoticed the little house in the middle of it…even me so. It’s super nice, and I like it most compared to the old ones we’ve chosen before. With najah, the forever friend of mine staying with…everything goes fine(although I’m quite jealous we can’t always be and stay together-political reason..hhaha). not to be forgotten, Seyha and Bazla also share the same room with us.. nice! Farah the super active girl, foolishly hilarious Maryam and motherly Reen just make the house a perfect place to live in…why??? Because I’m a quieter, not splutter words only if I have to, (how serious personality I play, cis!..just me)..so their noise and madly laugh would spice up the atmosphere in our new home…hehhee..whatever it is housemates..Allah has sent me the best people to shine my life…I’m still adjusting to it..and now I know this is how my prayers go…it’s shown..

B) New acquaintance and semester

Means those who shares the same textbooks with me….and be in the same class….I sorted myself in A Group…schedules for all groups are entirely ridiculous and rather stupid I guess because none make sense to me..but A Group is not that bad.. Gosh!! I miscalculated my prediction…we really have to really work in the first week..assignments are the welcoming greeting we got…this semester totally have gone completely serious course. The subjects intertwined between the rains of principles, philosophies and bunch of theories. They are not fun things to learn you know..but let see how does it goes.. (now I wonder how doremon and kapal layar eat those book s 5 times!). I love PELT so far by now, madam shiha’s lecture is superb okay..she delivers everything without single a boredom tingle the heart. Mr. Black is the most sporting of all..he said he love our class…and we do love him too!!! He doesn’t have skills as a clown but equipped friendliness and flexibility. As the other lectures..they also such a miracle help for us in study..Ahh…..before I forgot, to Miss Munirah… congratulation for your coming weeding!!! I wish I could make it to your memory lane weeding feast..may soon, you have a baby Miss Drama Queen!! ( she loves to call herself like that).

C) Old memory

2009 was now a stored memory in some part of my brain…for sure, I never delete them..although some are hard, bad ones, they are the ones that shaped the now me, that made me what I am now today..never experience betrayal honestly….sad one..i should have one…..yet, the misery, loneliness and somber sent to this heart by people I know in this life… was the life experience I got…making me sensitive and alert to all people surround by me now… sometimes it makes me scare to face people again, to start a conversation again, and truly… living by myself in the midst of the blown friendship around…. It’s a better way now….aloof??? hopely I’m not…I’m aware of people…less words means less harms. That the stand I believe now.. so then I won’t be hurt again like crying with a mute sound when nobody heard and seems uncared. Whenever Allah with me, I shall never scared and cry again right?..because He’s there..when nobody does.

D) New greenly leaf

The motivation to passionately learn more and more budding like a forest and I’m positive with it. This is all because doremon and kapal layar..they blow the enthusiasm within without me noticed. They show me how knowledge becomes your torchlight in the dark tunnel… they teach me that learning is not only for myself, it is for people who need us. I really appreciate that.

Then again, I want to upgrade myself to a better being in many aspects..doesn’t mean to entirely change the part where people dislike about me because of some reasons because some needs to be there for your own good either people hate it or not. They won’t never satisfy and won’t shut their big mouth talking about flaws and what so not till they get you down. Hoping 2010 is a blissful and fruitful year for me where God always with me and I shall never stray from HIS path.

Egypt : A love story | 2

2009-12-31T12:02:00.000-08:00

This is about going to places 3

Fayoum

fayoum located in rural area in which folks doing plantation for their living. it's the most furtile land in Egypt agriculture industry in Egypt is one of the strong, important source of the economy. the crops yield every year enough to supply the entire country. well, Cairo itself populated more than malaysia's and this loook very impressive indeed. Egyptians are known for their big size, same goes to the crops...cabbage, union, potatoes, you name it..they are all with extra size plus, super cheap!!!

and here also where the Qarun famous story takes the place...the lake where he and his wealthy were drawn together( it was huge lake)..I asked the arab if the gold and jewelry are still in that lake and he said they've searched but nothing precious found..haish....and yeah, his castle too.. hmm...that's it. My brother said, boleh mintk jadi kaya cm firaun..tapi jgn lupa bayar zakat..takot nanti kena telan dalam bumi cm firaun jgak....cold..
here's some pictures for you.........

this is where they plant huge cabbages....see??

Qorun's lake...unfortunately i couldn't get anything precious from it

Alexandria

This place is wonderful and the most beautiful city in Cairo..it is influenced by Europe. the best scene is at the Mediterranean Sea for sure..big waves and splashing water makes me squeal. it was fun...i'm acting funny on the camera and we enjoy so much there..not to mention the infamous library. it was the 2nd biggest in the world and not just that, it is fully generated by using solar system. It is a beautiful building, beautified with many arts either on the wall or as monument. Equipped with over 6 million books, and over 1000 computers access and a planetarium outside the library.... it is gorgeous..a stunning view for me..

so refreshing!!

behind the gigantic solar system

Mansoora

Mansoora is a place that suits women's interest..shopping...it's synonym with mansoora. if you were here, 1000MYR still not enough to spend..it blinds your eyes to see so much dresses and all of that..for jubah's lover, welcome to this heaven....owh my, luckily i'm not a shopaholics and the cash was kept safely in my brother's hands...haahha

shopping lady

Sinai

the journey was truly exhausting...6 hours traveling but the view paid the hustle..this place also full of historical monument and makam..it is one of the important places mentioned in Quran in surrah Tin- wattini waz zaitun..wa thuri sinin...wa haa zal baladil ameen...because a lot of events happened here...a holy place that keeps thousand of secrets in it..here's some for you; a cave known as pharaoh spa to cure his illness, lamb samiri, mount sinai, prophet's Noah and other prophets cemetries..the strongest memory about sinai is the extreme cold weather..owh my..even the gloves doesn't promise anything..it's freezing during night..water is the most sliest foe to you..pity all the -not-so-old-folk with us...

This is the reflection of Samiri's lamb when it was melted.. curving exactly like one

me at top of the hill..yeah!!

Dear, there's so much to tell, with much more places but I only highlight the most significant places to you and hope you'll like it....

Egypt : A love story | 2

2009-12-31T11:16:00.000-08:00

This is about going places 2

Khal’ah (sphinx) and pyramid

Our next journey continued to the most ancient, old, full of mystery and a wonder to the world- pyramid. It was amazing day for us as that’s the mark to say that you’re in Egypt!! You can never find this monument in India or America okay, it’s one and only-Cairo, Egypt. It was fine sunny day for going out. You can’t see that the sun glazing fiercely and what could cross in mind –uh, it’s hot. Forget about tanning. Literary it is hot but believe me the weather was very cold and windy. I’m writing this consciously…cuaca sgt panas tapi dingin yang amat..see, you could even turn your eyes blind looking into the sun-no one dares but you won’t dare enough not to wear a jumper or coat. I never experienced this feeling before and it strangely fun. Although I was wearing a jubah (feeling regretted of not wearing pants) I climbed up the big rocks on the pyramid like the others did, I’m freaking don’t care of what I’m wearing..huuhu…but do it with manner okay. There’re camels to ride over and horses too. Sadly, I can’t. I’m just madly jealous seeing those mak cik’s riding those animal gleefully. How on earth I would ride those?? (rase cm nk tukar bju ker dlm van). Sob3x….i was like sulking knowing the fact. Luckily my brother were there to cool me down.

The entry ticket was 60 pound per person but with student card, it’s reduced to 35 pound. The place was flooded with people..yeah, holiday time.. we snapped a lot of pictures and walk around the desert..

There are actually many more pyramids supposed to be but many have fallen due to weather and extreme damages. History said sphinx was built as a guardian to all pyramids from any threat as pyramids are magical and sacred places for the pharaoh. like a man protecting his lady, sort of a love story we found here. Millions are died for the sake of building. The pharaoh ensure his place is secured. The route in the pyramid lays as secret for thousand years, no one knows the way in and out because all people that tagged along to bury the pharaoh inside the pyramid were killed inside. Evilness…

Above all, it was all thrilling and exciting but my jubah.

Egypt : A love story | 2

2009-12-31T10:21:00.001-08:00

This is about going places 1

Jaulah Makam

We’re not exactly been there for a solid a month okay, 27 days of travelling is enough to dry up your wallet empty. We’ve’ gone to so many places even students here themselves didn’t get a chance to go. Anyway, it’s a bit disappointed for us get here on the second day of raya haji..no ticket available. I’m dying to see them slaughter the camel at perakian residency, pity. Not that bad actually because we’ve eaten homemade rending unta (my along and his team cook this cooking!) it was awesomely delicious, the meat warms your body during the bloody winter season. Perakian residency was where we stayed for my brothers living there.

Our first visit was cemetery, cemeteries I means because Egypt is infamous for that. Not just ordinary burial ground but those places are of the sacred ulama’ and scholars. The official visit has to be in these places first before we look upon another. The visit got a name for itself, ‘jaulah makam’ means journey to cemetery. There are many cemetery to visit and we couldn’t finished those even after 2 days journey day and night. I repeat, there’s soO many;here and there, up the town, down the lane, we went in group of 12-14 (can’t remember) zig-zagging on the road. Most of muslim scholars and ulama weren’t born here but settle down in Egypt as knowledge hunter and died here. Egypt offers many doors to knowledge with vast outstanding teachers created endlessly in old times and in the new age, you name it all, Imam Syafie, Imam Abu Hanifah, Imam Hambali ( the moment he died was the day Imam Syafie were born), saydina Hussein, ImamSayyidah Atiqah, Sayyidah Zainab and a patch aren’t just enough! It was a blessing journey, and we could see and feel the holiness from these people. There’s karamah (special rare ability@ gift gifted by Allah) to show His sign. Like Syeikh Imam Salleh Al-Jaafari, He able to turn water in a small ‘telaga’ changed the taste likely as the zam-zam drink with Allah’s will and there we drank, it’s true.. subhanallah..it has the same taste..hmm, I drained the bottle empty.hehehe.. what should we do attending to these places is pray a lot..keep praying your biggest wish and hope because they are where your prayers are most likely to be answered..tempat mustajab doa.. you’re connecting your soul closely to Allah with the blessing HE gave to all ulama’. The feeling was indescribable in words, holiness, humbleness, somber and at a point ashamed of myself for not really taking chances knowing my deen in a thorough way and reflecting life just like they did. What a shame of me.. I’m still an ignorant in a way I didn’t know but now I know it.

the picture on the top is our moment together with parents of imam soghir (the young imam). at the age of 3he memorized the entire holy Quran and it was validated by syeikh from al-azhar for comfirmation to his talent in memorizing quran..sadly he died at the age of 4. He went too soon.. Allah's bless upon him. the small young children managed to do that, but we... at our present life..how many verses have we done?? I wonder what about whomsoever that not even open the quran n know to read it... i wonder..

Hmm… it’s a spiritual journey for me..like washing all dirt in a flowing water…thanks to Allah for this opportunity...it's precious.

Egypt : A love story | 1

2009-12-29T07:12:00.000-08:00

Call me missy ‘Slow ain’t updated’ as that’s what I’m thinking when it comes to blogging…. It always take me million years to scribble down the best days or the worst days I went through in life…. Very well, I love to say gimme room to draw my history…… the later it is, the precious it will become..haha…I guess so.

This 2009 shall end beautifully in my memory because it is not as same as the past years I had,-our family is finally reunited! I got 6 weeks period to cheer my holidays at home, that isn’t something new to me of course..but to spend a month in Egypt is something new…magical to say. I have been dreaming about it all my life and finally God approved my request… unbelievable. Then, this is the beginning for a journey to Egypt: A love story.

We’re going to Egypt!! Don’t you know that?? Did I tell you before??? Pardon me, did I just say I’m going to Egypt?? Owh yes! Of course!! I’m almost crazily insane just thinking about it. I was so glad and glad was what I’m feeling at that time. Three of us made our journey; me, my mom and my lil bro…well, he was supposedly not included in the guests of honor because SPM is not far ahead but our plan changed afterwards after mere discussion with the rest of family members, and finally he is in, but only after he done with the exam. Deal!

We booked the tickets via travel agency which is somewhere located in Ipoh. Fyi, to get a fairly cheap price for the ticket is not by buying it at KLIA, instead, it will cost you the most expensive price compared to the travel agency, we saved almost 400MYR for our tickets but the cheapest is to buy them via online but you need a credit card, believe me, me and my mom have none credit card. Huhu..so, there’s some tips for you in buying flight tickets. We’re taking Egyptair which is the cheapest, 3400MYR return ticket per person. Emirates cut your cash deadly I tell you. Don’t go for that. Our journey wasted 8 hours of our time sitting numbly..(luckily there’s soO delicious food and great movies to watch). It is tiring I tell and because we flew at night, the most interesting view I had was just darky black wall outside the window. Not much to tell.

Finally, we safely arrived in Cairo around 7.30am and my heart can’t stop screaming loudly, the most audible sound that only me can ever heard as I saw the glimpse of my 2 lovers!! My bros.. they are always still good looking and handsome, waving happily to us.. heavenly. That was my first meeting with them after a solid 4 years. As we walked closely to each other, he open his arm widely waiting me to fall into his big hug and hissed-‘kak cheek…sampai jugak’. The same hugges, always warm and securing...their smiles that kill every heart...not literary killed okay, no one has died because of smiles.. yeah, you'll use a lot of adjectives and metaphore to describes evrything about your loved ones isn't it..so do I..haha. Not forgotten my mom… we both exchanged kisses on cheeks with my bros. Shortly after that, asking his friend for our snapshot..to capture our moment together..again reunited! there it was, the newly made chapter in our journey- A love story…then hand in hand we walked out of the terminal into the tramco (kind of vehicle, larger than a van) to our new ‘home’……….-to be continued-

is improving herself

2009-12-29T00:57:00.000-08:00

It takes me a very long time to write again….words had been written in my brain. Every thought is captured and all the writing visualized in my mind…not in the literary paper. Since my homecoming from a very long break to mother’s country-Egypt…..I now sense the longing I badly miss in this present time…. My body return but not my heart and soul…. My heart pounding…..ventilated like no other, longing the long-love I had and still have… I miss my bro’s so much..LOVE U Darls…

Although busy with pack-programs and visits planned, I managed myself to secretly check my result… it was one of my haunted nightmares I had had in life….the most I could hope is that 3.0 and above...dare not to cross thinking of getting DL (dean list, 3.5 and above). I know that I screwed up my exam, the only subject I thought would survive an A is linguistic…perhaps so. The truth is I scared…………if I disappoint my mother and my 2 lovers..they aim high expectation on their lil sister.

The moment of truth- a second feels like a million hours…. It sucks your enjoyment and happiness living as a man…and yes, it sucks!

Let make it brief…..well I think what had happened was because of my mother’s prayers…and the two lovers.. the reason I got this- DEAN LIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s my forever dream! I always wanted it very badly but afraid of not getting any..so, dare not to high hope..alhamdulillah…..Allahu yubarik alaih! I rushed out of from my room and cried out their names to join my rejoice..can’t never forget mom’s respond and reaction after receiving that news…. Heavenly. They kissed me warmly on cheek as they usually do, but that was special…it could not be uttered in words, happiness, satisfaction and grateful..above all, my performance is improving and now I know it is improved, I pray the improvement would not stop here… pray this will continue for the next seven semester..AMEEN

1^st semester in foundation- 3.33

2^nd semester in foundation-3.49

1^st semester in degree- DL (3.5 and above)

This is solely for my mom……..i got nothing to be proud off with this…. I’m working myself constructively because of u…………yes, my lovers toO….I love u….

ya albi nadak

2009-12-18T12:16:00.000-08:00

Ya … Allah,
Jika aku jatuh Cinta
Cintakanlah aku pada seseorang yang
melabuhkan cintanya pada–Mu
Agar bertambah kekuatanku untuk mencintai–Mu

Ya … Muhaimin,
Jika aku jatuh Cinta
Jagalah cintaku padanya agar tidak
melebihi cintaku pada–Mu

Ya … Allah,
Jika aku jatuh Hati
Izinkanlah aku menyentuh hati seseorang
yang hatinya tertaut pada–Mu
Agar tidak terjatuh aku dalam jurang cinta semu

Ya … Rabbana,
Jika aku jatuh Hati
Jagalah hatiku padanya agar tidak berpaling pada hati–Mu

Ya … Rabbul Izzati,
Jika aku Rindu
Rindukanlah aku pada seseorang yang merindui syahid di jalan–Mu
Dan jagalah rinduku padanya agar tidak lalai aku merindukan syurga–Mu
Ya … Allah, Jika aku menikmati cinta kekasih–Mu
Janganlah kenikmatan itu melebihi kenikmatan indahnya
bermunajat di sepertiga malam terakhir–Mu

Ya … Allah,
Jika aku jatuh hati pada kekasih–Mu
Jangan biarkan aku tertatih dan terjatuh dalam
perjalanan panjang menyeru manusia pada–Mu

Ya … Allah,
Jika kau halalkan aku merindui kekasih–Mu
Jangan biarkan aku melampui batas sehingga melupakan
aku pada cinta hakiki dan rindu abadi hanya kepada–Mu

Ya … Allah,
Engkau mengetahui bahwa hati–hati ini
Telah berhimpun dalam cinta pada–Mu,
Telah berjumpa pada taat pada–Mu
Telah bersatu dalam dakwah pada–Mu
Telah berpadu dalam membela syariat–Mu

Kukuhkanlah Ya Allah ikatannya,
kekalkanlah cintanya

Tunjukilah jalan–jalannya, penuhilah hati–hati ini dengan Nur–Mu yang tiada pernah pudar. Lapangkanlah dada–dada kami dengan limpahan keimanan kepada–Mu dankeindahan bertawakal di jalan-Mu

A poem by : As-Syahid Syed Qutb

feeling inferior...

2009-12-10T03:28:00.000-08:00

I put a pit stop in my posting right now.....i was thinking to put a halt on writing this blog .....permanant halt..my passion seems like dead and gone in the desert...hmm...don't have the feeling to pour words like the old times.. i know, people can't stop buzzing 'bout the result...like turmoil in the head..everbody can't just stop asking each other 'bout that. like the usual way i do...waiting for the result doesn't trigger the calmity inside....i will nervous like hell and turn myself into exteremly quiet girl, aloof from anyone else..i just insanely scared...crazily nervous....and blah..blah..blah...

the fact is...i'm a little buddy..soO, if u r not the closest fren of mine ..i hope you won't mind to ask me my result...and I would glad to seal my mouth shut. the other thing is, I'm feeling inferior with my 2 btrothers here..they did awesomely great in the exam...and keeping their records as grand as ever...how am i suppose not to get jealous with them..he becomes the only perakian students that pass the semester with flying colours while his other buddies were stranded.. his course of study even much difficult rather than mine..like people said, if you're passed, you should be grateful enough...hmm..my... he's soO doing great..while me, I do not have a glory to be proud off..and I know there must be something I have to fix within...

dear Allah........please help me...im feeling as pathetic as ever in my study...I'm not going to let down people who love me..there's no way I can do that.....i pray so that this worriness will be replaced with calmity...

i have an issue......

2009-11-16T08:42:00.000-08:00

Ira said friendship should be the issue in this November month…agree with that but I think topic on relationship will bring it in a wholly perspective..yeah..why because lately, facebook is flooded with such posts and it seems unstoppable. People will not enough stop babbling about friendship, family matter and yeah, the on-off relationship too is always become the most popular stuff people wanna talk about…the heart wrenching conflicts..like everybody does.

I have an issue……….

Taking a deep sigh, I’m telling you, I also become a contributor in friendship issue..hoping this writing would not offend any parties as I know, as I progress writing this column, some or maybe all of you would get hurt. Hmm, it is difficult to decide whether to be out loud or to mute it aloof. Now, because I keep it soo long over the period, I’m suffering the overwhelmed sadness and misery. I smell the sign of withdrawal for very long time ago..but of course since the starting semester was where it began. I could feel it…my heart sends the same tone..the instinct never false. I notice that before..didn’t you??

Don’t ask me where does it went wrong? Because I couldn’t tell you how, where and by which possibilities is it happen..because maybe it’s me for everything had happened… be with me, I know there’s a thought in mind telling you that I will be able to take care of yourself…to become as what you’re hoping good as. Putting a high hope that I can be someone you able to depend on in anything make you think that I really do. Too much hope and expectation from people is what I feel. You know, when I’m bragging the issue of what I think you should deal with right… it just like showering over a dead leaf. I tell my uneasiness feeling of what they’re doing, manner and such thing, as I hope it makes us behave with akhlak mahmudah. I think it don’t really work to everyone. The thing is that, you know really well the do’s and don’ts in Islamic teaching and I think I just should put a reminder to you. He asked me to take care of you and beautified you with the akhlak mahmudah…I said I try my best as I’m not the best example to be a model..but it motivates me being a better muslimah. Hmm…did I succeed?? Idk.

You used to get me when anything went wrong in your life….telling me that’s something went wrong… and I’m being there besides you..tapping your shoulder..hugging you tight.. and try to solve the matter although it’s unfinished maze..but to be with you in shines and rains make me feel a worth company in all times. You used to make me feel that..you used to… but then again, this time..i didn’t play the role… I not even have the casting… everything is now in your pocket..you play the role by yourself… that’s the first sign of withdrawal….I see something went wrong but you didn’t tell me. Owh… I did asked but left unanswered.

I don’t want to discuss the conflict I’m struggling with… all I ever feel right now is guilty……the total blame on myself…I feel the faulty is all mine… I hate to see distance created between us…..so I’m thinking I am worst in bonding a good communication…. No good in mingle with people I would like to be with..whom I care… how a jerk it is.. seriously, reika is founded as serious, rigid person people could tell….she has no jokes although if she have..people find it’s the super lame jokes..laughing because of the stupidity… and none repertoire making people laugh and happy..she only know to care for people, bad in showing her concern. Because she could not tell and how to deliver it.. that’s why I have envious feeling to see how happy you are with you other friends and how bad I feel not able to make you laughing like that… a worthless company I bet. What do you feel if you’re the one for someone leaning on the shoulder, dumped like an empty can when newly founded person replaced yours?? It’s either 2..she no longer want to burden..or you’re not good at all. I could not find any kind of words to say how much I love you.. and how badly I missed to be as before…as now I feel I’m the last person you ever find to share a life with. How can a sweet candy I have now left a bitter taste inside my mouth?

When you keep something inside..you not even telling..i know you refused too as it is your style.. but just discuss about it…it brings no harm.. the sudden changes in your demeanor and ever gloomy face for sure drives my curiosity to know what’s hidden underneath. Still, I could not make you tell me….and when it settled, you’re acting like nothing happen…try not to be bossy, but isn’t that we’re friends?? Of course if you got conflict in a relationship..I wouldn’t have right to interfere……….but unleashed your worry to a friend so the burden is shared together. (I learned not to keep everything to myself since alyaa mahadzir talked to me like that). Hey, we didn’t tell what we feel, but we demonstrated through our acting. So hard to feel that I’m no longer needed..it slowly kills me… and in silently I’m dying.
Did I write this for begging?? I hope not..but hopes never fade for me to reestablish the mutuality

Thus, it makes me wonder…………for what reason people befriended with me……. Only to share their hard times..and when done, kicked me out in the recyle bin?? Does people being nice just they have to?? Or pretend being good but spit on my face at the back??? Or if they just stay with me for their own good sake…..? the bottom line is……. Reika, being with all of you is based on sincerity… authentic honesty…hoping none of you will betray the friendship rules- honesty + trust..

*Swallow the salty tears*

say my name.........say my name

2009-11-02T17:33:00.000-08:00

pet names....I own many many of them.....if people would notice..I address myself differently among faces I met.. with whom I feel comfortable with..close to, I use my surname-tikah...... a study said that if we regard our self by using our own name with people, we are friendly in that way as we put the comfortable zone with that particular people....and i just feel delighted when people call themselves using their surname too...a warm gesture for me.. all maahadian in my previous school still using the same pet name to refer me..i've known as reika since 5 years ago....all girls recognized me by that....i feel uncomfortable using that name among my peeps here......i befriended with both sexes........it makes me feel horny for sure if there any guys call me reika.....so.......i refuse to use that name......haha...

in the faculty.........some my closest friends call me akak............and i think it soo sweet.........i love they call me that i address myself with the same name too........the feeling i have is..we really like sisters..........they talk to me about problems....and the reason they call me akak is like.im acting like a big sister for them..taking care like no other.........listen to the never ending love stories..haha....love that part.......and the rest...........just being a sister...it makes me feel more appreciated bout myself...my heart content with love........and I pour the same degree they love me.......seriously.......with all my girlfriends here..........I'm blessed..god sends his love to pamper me with those I'm stuck..and stick with.... i do miss them so much........if we haven't seen each other for couple of days.............and only now I realized.........their needs always come first before me..........and can't help from not taking care every single of them.......i keenly ask if they've eaten............how's the day........crack few silly jokes and it really stupidly silly i rather say.... to make us laugh..........haha.......my heart for you dear...

Here's another thing, till this moment, I do also unpack my heart wrenching life matter......when i spoke over the matter...they did a brilliant move to relish myself.... i know they say they ain't prove that....i'm aware of things that i bring up right now....although till now you still baffle with choice i made...i try my best to get this over because I've dried out..the energy within this skin's drained...just the time keep me travelling with this rhythmic pace...... would I finally notice the star on the sky... is not the only shines the brightest??? would I ever see the seven colours fills in a rainbow?? I wouldn't ever know perhaps that the world is round.....hoping i found a better choice to pick.......